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Summer borns, crazy behaviour and unsympathetic schools?

7 replies

MummyRaptor · 06/01/2014 14:38

My 4yo DD1 has always had tantrums when tired and/or hungry. Since starting school in September (summer born) they have got out of control - full scale blow outs that can last hours and occasionally involve hitting me or DD2, 13mo. She was struggling so much that I took her down to half days which improved things a little but she would then become hysterical that she'd been taken out of school (she LOVES school).

Things got worse towards the end of term as she virtually stopped eating (normally she's pretty unfussy), couldn't get to sleep, woke several times a night and woke early. In addition to the tantrums we've had a host of new behaviour; rude and aggressive, some days she refuses to use real words, other days she'll go from crying to manic laughing to crying in the same breath. She has become sort of manic and wild eyed even during the brief breaks between emotional crises. Some days she makes loud repetitive noises. She has begun to itch whenever she becomes anxious and scratched a red raw area the size of a saucer.

I was hoping that things would go back to normal over the holidays but haven't improved that much. I am now so run down dealing with the constant day and night tantrums that (after weeks of being ill) I've got pleurisy.

The school are pretty unsympathetic as they've described her behaviour as impeccable but I see a child that is overwhelmed and can't cope. In some ways I understand because up until this point she's more or less been a 'normal' child.

Does anyone have advice about how we should tackle this? Should we expect help from the school? Did anyone else experience this and come out the other side or has she suddenly developed serious issues?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 06/01/2014 19:31

Oh poor you!

This is difficult for the school, because if she is not exhibiting the behaviours there, then they are unlikely to be able to come up with options (though they would need to implement recommendations from other professionals).

Do you see an HV? Have you tried talking through the changes in behaviour?

RightInTheKisser · 06/01/2014 19:56

Go to the doctors with her too. Explain that you are not coping with her behaviour at home and do the same at school again. Ask to be referred to an outside agency like CAHMS for support.

Make a record of everything that she is doing. Keep detailed notes as evidence. Maybe a detailed diary for 1 week. This will support your request for help.

boysrock · 06/01/2014 20:11

Poor u and dd. Ds 2 was 4yr 2m when he started.
He was full time we had the meltdown every day on the way home and it kept going. I swear he regressed in development that yr. Although he loved school. Learnt nothing as he was so young like but hey ho. Its done now.

So with the benefit of hindsight and if I had a second chance of that yr I woild have kept him out. He wasnt emtionally ready. The year off would have resulted in a more secure child who was ready to learn.
I would have put him into a playgroup a few days aweek.

The risk with that is that they miss out on the foundation yr stuff and they probably wont play catch up as she'll have to restart in yr 1.

The alternative is a strict routine, early bed regardless, no academic pressure at home for that year and possibly school dinners if you trust them so at least you know shes had something hot that day. Once ds got over tantrum he sat in an exhausted heap in front of the telly. Not ideal but thats all he was capable of.
Oh and get her iron levels checked.

boysrock · 06/01/2014 20:11

Poor u and dd. Ds 2 was 4yr 2m when he started.
He was full time we had the meltdown every day on the way home and it kept going. I swear he regressed in development that yr. Although he loved school. Learnt nothing as he was so young like but hey ho. Its done now.

So with the benefit of hindsight and if I had a second chance of that yr I woild have kept him out. He wasnt emtionally ready. The year off would have resulted in a more secure child who was ready to learn.
I would have put him into a playgroup a few days aweek.

The risk with that is that they miss out on the foundation yr stuff and they probably wont play catch up as she'll have to restart in yr 1.

The alternative is a strict routine, early bed regardless, no academic pressure at home for that year and possibly school dinners if you trust them so at least you know shes had something hot that day. Once ds got over tantrum he sat in an exhausted heap in front of the telly. Not ideal but thats all he was capable of.
Oh and get her iron levels checked.

boysrock · 06/01/2014 20:11

Sorry that was a bit long for two posts!

addictedtosugar · 06/01/2014 20:29

Just a thought? If reducing school hours is a possible solution, but picking her up early causes problems, could you speak to school about maybe her only doing 4 days a week? With school identifying the day which would cause least disruption?
Good Luck - mine was 4.4 when starting reception, and has been shattered this second half term (be is also in care before and after school)
The next terms are shorter.

BigWellyLittleWelly · 06/01/2014 20:35

There is a Facebook group called "Flexible Admission for Summer Borns" I strongly recommend that you join and speak to people there.

I have a late summer born baby, you do not have to start school until the term after the 5th birthday and yes the current approach is that the child will rejoin their chronological year group by going into year one. However. This can be challenged because the LEA has to prove the child will not be disadvantaged by missing Reception year - in our case they couldn't prove that and so a deferment was agreed.

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