How do you cope with toddler and the pre-work morning routine?

[Portlypenguin]

We are struggling with my 2.6 yr old son who is a complete nightmare in the mornings. He doesn't want to get up, have his milk, get dressed, do teeth etc etc. Everything is a total battle ground. I feel so awful just sort of hurrying everything along all the time, but it has to be done in order to get him to nursery and myself to work. Husband leaves at 6.30am for a commute so isn't around most days when there is time pressure. Problem is that mummy is now the bad strict one and he is always asking for daddy in the mornings.

It is so stressful and I feel like I am damaging our relationship!

Any words of wisdom out there?
Thanks

I only have a 1 yr old so really can't give personal advice though I can totally see myself in your shoes in 18 months.

I work with asd kids who often have comprehension skills of a toddler. in similar cases we sometimes do an order of what happens when on a chart - just drawings on card and stuck on a longer bit of card with blue tack or velcro so they can be taken off when done. a bit like a list. Can help with independence and then it's the chart that's saying what happens next not evil mummy.

I'd personally try not to get into stickers etc as it's kind of a life skill he needs to learn.

egg timers can also help - beat the timer! (you can get 30 second ones.....) or beat the song? (mission impossible for example?!)

The chart sounds a good idea, Thanks!

Can you amend your hours? Not sure a chart would work - 2.6 is quite young. Would work with my 4 year old but not my two year old.

Can you wake up earlier? Get stuff ready the night before?

I also use tv a bit for both of mine.

If he doesn't want to get up is he still tired? Maybe an earlier bedtime would help a bit?

Ds was a nightmare at that age because he wouldn't nap well at nursery so needed nearly 12 hours at night.

I get up & out with a 2.4 yr old in about 45 mins, sometimes I even get my hair done too!

Luckily we don't have to do breakfast. Milk is ready when he gets up. If he's being slow he can drink it in his bed whilst I'm in the shower. If its a hair washing day I get him out of bed & change his nappy & get some trousers & socks on before he notices, otherwise I use the bribery of postman pat on the iPad to incite him to get dressed & brush his teeth quickly, then he watches that & drinks his milk whilst I get myself sorted. Basically in the time we have I start on his tasks first & if he's not complying I walk off & get one of mine done, giving him no attention & returning after each of my tasks to try again. Bribery with postman pat works well, but can lead to a tantrum later when he can't stay & keep watching!

Saying that, we've been at the front door with no socks & shoes on & refusing to wear his coat until mummy was getting in the car! I've actually been seen in the nursery car park, in December, getting him out of the car with no shoes on & no coat cos he wasn't playing ball!

I feel bad hurrying him along too & I went through a bad shouty stage. I caught myself & changed tack & it works better now. I work compressed hours & do feel bad sometimes.

When DS went through an awful stage with that I used to bathe him and every night and the dress him in his outfit for the next day. :o (Something comfy like athletic pants, not stiff jeans.) He has very short hair because it grows straight up, so I didn't have to worry about that being tidy.

Oops, posted too soon. Then I'd give him something non messy to nibble on, get ready myself, brush his teeth and put his shoes/coat on. He never ate a lot but had a good snack every morning at preschool so I didn't worry overmuch.

That sounds very two year old.

Mornings + toddler + work = stressful.
If you don't chivvy him along you will likely both be in your pj's at lunchtime at which point he will tell you he wanted to go to nursery.

Leave yourself plenty of time to get ready, allowing time for at least one tantrum. If at all possible arrive at work 15 mins early so you can get a cup of tea before you start. The day he doesn't have a tantrum you will find yourself at nursery before it opens wondering what happened.

It gets better.

wrt him wanting Daddy, he's probably playing you. Wait til you are away for a day. Daddy will be bad cop for the morning.

Also, agree with the poster re socks and shoes. I put them on once. If they come off, we get in the car with them off and put them on again at nursery. Or carry them in one hand with DS on the other. That gets lots of sympathetic grins.

(But don't get used to going in the car without them. From experience you will have to do a u-turn when you are so used to him not having shoes you don't bring them at all.)

When dd went through that phase I got her clothes out the night before and just gave her toast/ dry cereal/ fruit in the car for breakfast. I also got up, got showered and dressed before her usual wake up time so all I had to concentrate on was her. Sometimes it helps to get them dressed whilst watching tv or use tv as a bribe, ie if you get dressed quickly you can watch one episode of peppa etc (just has to be done occasionally). On days she got up v early so I wasn't ready I would 'race' her to see who managed to get dressed first.

Also remember that it's not the end of the world if he goes to nursery in pjs on a really bad day!

How is he at playing out this kind of thing? I had this issue and eh instigated the 'quick we're late' game one Saturday for fun. DR pretended to be asleep in a pretend bed, then DH ran in and said 'quick we're late for nursery' and they ran around like demented giggling things pretending to clean teeth, eat breakfast etc. That was when she was 2.6 and 4 months later she still asks to play 'the funny games' but more to the point, because it's now fun, it's also much easier getting ready in the morning because I just instigate the game again and she giggles her head off but also actually does get ready.

Also potty training helped as now I just plonk her on the loo as soon as she wakes up and dress her while she's sat there, one less job for later!

Anyway, the playing really helped, also songs for things, we have the teeth cleaning g song, the shoes song etc. Must be like growing up in an opera for dd sometimes;-)

D

It's like a military routine in this house.

Up at 6.30 am, Ds comes into my bed for a ten minute cuddle and chat whilst he wakes up. Then wash, teeth and dressed and Downstairs by 7.15.

Breakfast (sadly with cbeebies) at 7.30, with plenty of reminders and countdown to leave starting 15 mins before we need to be at the door. I frequently put his how's whilst he eats breakfast.

Grab bags and lunch boxes (all prepped the night before), then out the door before 8.

Pick up from nursery at 6 and then wash, milk, teeth and bedtime stories. Ds is asleep by 7pm at latest.

We do this everyday. My poor boy, I wish I could work shorter hours but no choice. He's 2.10 and we've been doing this for 2 years now.

My main tip is routine and countdowns, but the ten mins cuddle first thing is key too. It's a lovely moment just ours to chat about nonsense before we have to scramble out of bed.

Does he have breakfast at home or at nursery? What time does he need to be at nursery and how long have you got to drive/take him there?

I have a 2.10 year old and a 5 year old, also 7 months preggers. DP is never here in the morning and we have to leave at 8.10 to get to nursery, then school then me to work, by 9. I do as much as possible the night before. Get up and showered myself before them. Get them up, they don't go downstairs before they've been to the loo, got dressed and brushed their teeth. Then downstairs straight to the table for breakfast, which has currently turned into a frustrating 3 course affair.
Whilst they're eating I do my hair and makeup in the kitchen. Whack everything in the dishwasher.
Then it's, shoes, bags, coats repeated 1000 times and out.
And nothing ever ever goes wrong oh no!!!!!

Do the whole morning getting jobs done whilst in role play. Pretend he is a dog, robot or pirate. What ever rocks his boat. Be daft and fun.

I feel your pain, I've been through this. Somedays my ds would go to nursery with no shoes, sometimes in mismatched clothes because he'd insisted on choosing himself. I often used to let him put my make up on, only a very light eyeshadow, not like a clown or anything because he was quite happy copying me and it meant I could get on with getting ready. I really think choose your battles. Does it matter if teeth aren't cleaned in the morning everyday, probably not at his age if they are clean the night before etc. Also could he have his milk on the way or at nursery? It used to be through gritted teeth but I'd try my best to be all smiley and say "oh well you can put your shoes/top/have your breakfast at nursery because we are going". Sometimes that was met with screams of "nooooooo" and he'd do it other times he'd go half ready and hungry. Thankfully he doesn't seem damaged by it though I have quite a few more wrinkles!

We get ourselves ready (prep done night before so it's just a case of getting dressed) and leave ds in bed asleep for as long as possible. 20 mins from when we're due to leave he gets in our bed for a few mins of cbeebies while he's waking up. It's important to always give him fair warning so it's "Mummy and Daddy are going to finish getting ready and then we're going to get you dressed, ok?" No milk (it's not part of his morning routine) just up and out, breakfast at cm or nursery. Works mostly though of course he's 3 so occasionally there's a mini meltdown. Never take them by surprise and leave them sleeping as long as possible is my advice. And early bedtime on 'school' nights so he gets around 12 hours sleep. We leave the house at 7.45 and leave him in bed till 7.25.

What do you actually have to do at home, and how do you get to nursery and work?

I would get up at 7, ideally have a shower by myself, more often with a toddler in the room, get child dressed, get me dressed, have some breakfast if time, put child in pushchair with some milk while I got last things sorted and walk out the door. I had breakfast at work a lot... Ds had breakfast at nursery. Little as possible done in the mornings - nappy bag, handbag etc all on the pushchair night before, my outfit chosen, etc. I kept a toothbrush and spare clothes at work.

More difficult when they aren't in a buggy and you have to get them to walk, as they have to at least have their shoes on. There was a day or two when nursery were presented with a child in pyjamas and a bag of clothes.

Really timely thread. My daughter has just turned two and she is a bit of a nightmare in the mornings. I constantly feel like I mismanage it. What works best for me tends to be to let her sleep as long as possible, early nights on nursery days, have everything prepped the night before.

One of my biggest problems is getting her dressed - she demands multiple alternatives to whatever I put try to put on her. Tempted to try dressing her in something cosy the night before! The other issue is that she often flatly refuses to go into her buggy for the trip to nursery, and this is a bit of a non negotiable as it's too far for her to walk (we're in London so can't drive there as we hop on the tube afterwards). I usually try bribery by having her milk ready for her to drink in the buggy (she loves milk).

But it's really tricky and we have at least one tantrum every morning! Thanks for all the tips.

I used a CM but we just used to take them in PJ's and no breakfast - maybe just a cup of milk in the car. will nursery dress him?

I'm a bit of a hard ass on work mornings.
I just do it.

In fairness though I'm an LP so I don't have the 'I want daddy' thing to contend with. Plus we've been doing the same routine since he was 9mo so he doesn't know any different.

My DS is 2.5 and we have to be out of the house by 7:15 on work days. I do everything the night before, including showering, getting both our clothes ready, doing my lunch and packing his bag which I then put in the car.

In the morning I open his bedroom door when I get up, that way he slowly wakes up as I get myself ready. Then, still in his pyjamas, I give him his usual breakfast whilst I sort the dog out. That way he can spill all he wants!

Then I whip the pyjamas off, put his clothes on and straight in the car. No games and very little chatting.

That sounds awful written down but it's just how we do it. I find too much interaction just winds him up and that's when things go wrong. It's too early for dicking around so we just get our heads down and do it.