Quick background DS1 and I met my DH when DS was 3 and we now have two more children. DS sees his father regularly (not my choice)and basically gets what he wants, does what he wants, etc etc when he is with him. He is a lovely boy but has problems, a few examples are friendships with other children, eating problems, walking around in circles when he is getting dressed or if he wants to get attention (even though he has loads of it), concentration problems, the list is endless to be honest. The relationship between DH and DS1 (stepfather and stepson) is strained, DH is a kind man and trys to set time aside for DS (difficult because of two younger ones). DS obviously loves him but finds it difficult (I think) because of the relationship with his father.
This is quite hard to explain as very complicated, DS and his Dad seem to have a matey relationship rather than a father son relationship, they play games together, go out together and his Dad shares adult problems with him, for example finding money for rent, having to pay bills, all things that a 9 year old should not have to worry about. He has also told DS that the only adults he has to listen to is his mum and dad. Because of this DS is very controlling when he is at home with us, for example he tells us what we should be doing that day. The other day he told Dh off for having a bath and not telling him first incase he needed the loo, he really sounded like an adult telling off a child. Also he bought his school report home from his Dads and told me that it was excellent and he deserved a treat, I read it and it was quite good but could have been better, why his dad told hime it was excellent I dont know.
It is almost like a battle going inside his head, he will sit on DH and give him a hug and then suddenly turn round and headbutt him or pinch him. He told his Dad last week that he does not get any attention at our house and feels left out, after getting over being absolutely gutted I talked to him about it and he just came out with a load of crap to be honest, said I bought DD2 loads of things not him, pointed out about all the things I did pay out for him, said we did not do things for him like the younger ones ie getting drink etc, pointed out that he was 9 and they are 2 and 6 months. I have come to the conclusion that DS said this to his Dad to get a reaction, and he certainly got that.
DS has been away at his Dads and is coming back today until Sunday. DH asked this morning "how long is he coming back for? great cant wait to be told what to do" "that means we are going to have him the whole weekend". As you can imagine this hurts but I do understand what he means.
The first three years of DS life were traumatic, watched his mum getting hit, going through court cases, social services etc, just wish he did not see his Dad at all, life would be a lot simpler.
Sorry have gone on a bit, dont really expect anyone to solve my problems but got typing and is a bit of a release to get it out iykwim.
Anyway will put a happy face on now - got to get on with it - even though I have been awake since 4am with DS3.
Hope everyone has a nice day.