What is 'normal' behaviour for 4yo?

[Harperseventy]

Dd is 4.5, she is very bright, funny, articulate blah blah. But I cannot make her listen to me, I've tried punishments- taking toys, no treats etc. today she said 'doesn't matter I have plenty of other toys'!!!!! I feel like she is turning into a spoilt brat who is gonna grow up to be horrid. I am a lone parent, dd has never had any contact with her father so sometimes I feel that maybe I overcompensate with things, don't get me wrong I'm not swimming in cash but I try and get her treats but now I'm thinking I've let her have too much. At christmas she wasn't even excited about her presents and has hardly played with them. I thought maybe a reward chart, although today I feel like removing all her toys!! She's not violent or 'evil' just that everything is a battle- clean your teeth, put your shoes on etc etc. is that just what 4yo are like?

It's normal. You need to pick your battles. If she isn't bothered about losing toys is there something else that she could lose for bad behaviour? A reward chart is a good idea for reinforcing good behaviour

My mum says that I should pick my battles! I suppose I just get so frustrated! It just feels so hard sometimes, she's is so lovely and then she just turns. I feel that she is always so tired and wondered if that's it, during term time she goes to bed 6:45/7 and I struggle to get her up at 7:30/45- like I have to literally drag/pick her out of bed! But putting her to bed even earlier seems crazy.

They are frustrating. Could she go to bed a bit earlier? Pick battles for the things that really matter. I threatened to take ds (7) to school in his pjs the other day cos he wouldn't get dressed (he knows I would too so did get himself dressed). It really doesn't bother me if he turns up at school in pjs (I would have taken his uniform with me though). He's also not been allowed to walk around the supermarket ( had to stay in the baby seat) as he wouldn't put shoes on.

Thank you, feel a bit better knowing it's not just me! I've made an effort to ignore the small stuff, I suppose I just get so frustrated and then end up telling her off for something that I may not have done had it happened earlier (if that makes sense!).

Have you tried reward charts? I went through a phase with mine where they had to get 20 stickers to get a small treat. Helps that my 2 compete against each other though.

I've moved on from that and onto bribery and threats....dd (4) was playing up today and I threatened to cancel her play date, her behaviour improved in a second. DS (5) gets bribed with money/tv/IPad.....

You need to bring her with you ie persuade - punishments are saved for important things.

As for the toys, cut back. Put some away so she has less to play with.

She sounds just like mine. Also 4.5. Today has been endless battles and defiance and tantrums.

I find it all much better if I am calm and upbeat (the technique of 'descriptive praise' works brilliantly for us) but some days I'm just not able to do it. I feel like a horribly inconsistent mother really.

She has masses of good points, but some days they're hard to see!

I'm hoping it all improves again once school starts this week (for me too! I'm a teacher and find it much easier than managing DD and her little brother).

I'm not sure if bright funny or articulate is normal.
(Maybe just my kids....)

Still struggled getting her up this morning, think 6:30 bedtime will be better than 7. Hopefully that will improve her compliance in the morning. Going to pack up a lot of her toys and bring out later in the year, it's hard as her bday is at Xmas so we end up with a lot of things. Seen a lovely reward chart on amazon, so gonna try that. I praised her good behaviour this morning and kept calm with the little things. Thanks for all the advice! Suppose you just need to reassess things sometimes!