My 16 month old wont eat for me

[Greenmeadows196]

I think I am at my wits end, for the last 2 weeks, my son will not eat for me (spoon-feed) although he will let my childminder, granny etc feed him. I do not understand it - and the food is the same, it makes no difference. He will let me spoonfed him his breakfast but not lunch or dinner and he is the same with my DH.

I have tried giving him his own fork or spoon and plate with a little food in it, but he is still not eating very much. He has to be hungry so why wont he eat.

He has got 16 teeth and is in great form otherwise and sleeps well at night - so why is he behaving like this with me and my hubbie.

My son has driven us crazy for months by refusing food and we have tried everything. At one point he seemed to surviving on little else than rice cakes and an occasional banana. Although at nursery he eats everything and always has; curry, pasta, stews, lentils etc. at home no food would pass his lips. I was in tears at the end of everyday after cooking three meals that would go in the bin.
We have restricted his snack intake and milk and exercise him as outdoors as often as possible. Tbh, even this wasn't working but we persisted and now finally after never being a good eater, he is 19 months old and eating actual food!
I think it was a control thing for him and now he seems to be relaxing that control over meals and saying no to everything else eg putting on coat, getting in buggy, having a bath...you get the picture.
Try not to fret too much- I'm sure if he is well and otherwise healthy it is a phase he will grow out of.

Oh and cutting his food into shapes of cars and trains seemed to help the transition too!

My dd was the same. I just left her food in front of her with a spoon. If I tried to feed her she would try and hurl it over the room.

If she didn't eat it I took it away, and usually she ate well the next day.

I also noticed she played up if we watched her every attempt to use her spoon. I figured I wouldn't like someone hovering around me when I eat. So we let her get on with it and avoid making it a drama she can control us by.

My 12 month old ds does let me spoon feed him but he gets bored after about 6 spoonfulls. I now sit him on my knee and hold his hand and put the spoon in his hand and help him feed himself.

Everything that he can pick up I just put infrount of him and he eats or throws it on the floor.

He doesn't need to be spoon-fed at all. Just put the food in front of him then eat your own. Don't try to put anything in his mouth or verbally encourage him.

You put the food out, he decides whether to eat it. That's how it goes. You don't need to get involved with what goes in his mouth.

Please don't be annoyed at me; I know this might come across in the wrong way, but maybe part of the problem is that you are thinking "he won't eat FOR ME". He really needs to eat for himself, never for you.

Maybe he can see that you are personally emotionally involved in this, so he is being stubborn in order to get a rise out of you. I would just give him food to feed himself with, and not comment or react in any way. Avoid any snacks, except perhaps bits of his regular healthy meals eaten at different times, and avoid praise for eating. If he eats, don't say anything along the lines of "Good boy" (or similar). At most, you could say: "You ate a lot of lentils; you must have been really hungry".

I have seen lots of parents turn food into a power struggle, and it is so good to avoid this by not getting involved, and not giving kids the opportunity to manipulate you.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I am trying to be less involved with his eating as I know he has to learn to eat for himself. I would be happier if he was a bit more interested in eating the food rather than justing playing with it, even just a few spoonfuls. I know he wants to feed himself as he is quite good at putting his spoon in his mouth and often if I help him put the food on the spoon he will put it in his mouth. I think the last few days he maybe just a bit off from teething and today in much better form, less clingy. I spoon fed him his breakfast no bother at all, and when he refused the last spoonful, I left it at that. He then wanted some of me and hubbie's boiled egg which he hasnt been keen on before. My hubbie put it on the spoon and then my LO put it into his mouth and ate it, so I was very pleased.

I have become more aware of not reacting when he throws/drops food on the floor and I am always telling hubbie not to react either, thinking that the less response he gets from us, the less likely he will be inclined to do it. I think it may be working, if he eats he eats, if he doesnt he doesnt. It is hard though if I feel he isnt eating enough, but I know he wont starve.

The one thing though I have always been told is to gave plenty of praise when children eat their food, but some of you have advised not to do this so I am a bit confused of that one

Thanks again x

Our lecturer told us about a study of children in a reception classroom who were allowed to do various activities. Every time on of them went to do one particular activity they received praise.

After the staff stopped praising them the children stopped choosing that activity despite carrying on with all the others. The conclusion was that children see activities as less attractive if an adult rewards or praises them for doing it. The extrinsic reward prevents them from experiencing the intrinsic one.

If you praise children for eating your are teaching them that it is a task to be endured. You're also teaching them to ignore the signals from their own bodies about what to eat and when to stop which doesn't set them up for good eating habits in the future. Why would you want to praise them for eating something when they are full?

You also need to think about what they eat over the week rather than just a day so if he's eating lots on the days he isn't with you, he won't need to eat as much with you.

Goldmandra - what you say actually makes a lot of sense so will try that tactic in future, thx.

Barbeasty - yes, he does seem to eat quite a bit with the childminder (she has him 3 days a week) so maybe thats why he doesnt eat as much with me.

The whole thing is a learning curve both for him and us as parents.

x