Alternatives to time out for 2 yr old.

[nearlythree]

Time out/naughty step just doesn't work with our 2 yr old - she just gets loads of attention for not staying there and she fights so hard that I stop enforcing it before it gets really violent. She's a climber and today she pulled me by the hair in an attempt to get me off the sofa so she could climb it! As I was feeding newborn ds at the time...I am worried for her safety and also his and she has to learn to listen when I say no, but I don't know what rewards/consequences to use - sticker chats are beyond her. Her sister never did these things at this age and it's a bit of a learning curve. I'v eloads of books but they seem to expect a level of verbal understanding that she doesn't yet have. Can anyone help?

Had to come back and say that we are well aware of how much dd2 has been through, we thought she was going to die, fgs. But we are firmly of the belief that to try and treat her the same as before and carry on as normal is better for her. Also we have to consider dd1, who saw dd2 collapse and go away in an ambulance. She also lost her friend to meningitis just afer Christmas and every time someone gets ill she now asks if they will die. It is important fo rhe rto see normality too. And for dh and I - I keep having flashbacks to being in hospital with ds waiting for news about dd2 - it was the day after he was born that she got ill - and I still feel very anxious, angry and guilty. I think normality is what we all need after the past few months.

Yes, strange coincidece. sounds like you had awful time. what happened, what was wrong with dd2? Is she fully recovered? Sounds like it was serious. Really bad timing, not that these things are ever goodNo wonder things feel mad, you seem to be coping brilliantly considering all that's gone on.

Are you looking for behavioural management /discipline strategies in general with dd2, or focussing on managing the bfing/other baby times, so she is settled so you can get on those times you need to with ds, or both?

How is the realtioship bwn the 2 dd's? I found managing ds3 easy, much easier than ds2, because ds1 & 2 are very close & I could settle them down to play with each other or they'd just go off with each other & I managed to get plenty quiet 1-2-1 with ds3 (those days are long gone lol). Quiet no longer exists. Would this be a posibility for you?

Hi, monkey. Dd2 is okay, we now think she had a virus which caused her temp to rocket and she got dehydrated. Dh was with me and ds in the hospital and the dds were with my parents, and basically they don't have a clue. Dh got home to find dd2's temp through the roof so he took her to the gp, where she collapsed. The gp gave the antibiotics for meningitis and called an ambulance, and even the paramedics panicked when they saw her. I phoned home to get my mum telling me a load of balls about dd2 'going for a check up'. I was beside myself, we both thought she was going to die and I couldn't get to her because of the infection risk even though we were in the same hospital. Actually she recovered very quickly but it's left me really shaken - probably came at a bad time given my hormones. Dd2 and I were both hospitalised with a different virus in March and I was for 2 wks before ds was born due to his lie, and it's just been one thing after another - even down to the chickenpox when we got home, and now this bloody heatwave! But at least my kids are all at home - the death of our friend's ds is just the most awful thing I have ever known and his mum is amazing - she's so strong and makes me feel quite ashamed.

I guess I need some ideas on managing dd2's behaviour in general. She's started headbutting today, it really is just for fun but it hurts! And dd1 is starting to push her sister over or kick her, and then tell us about it - my guess is that for her it's all tied up with dd2 being so ill in front of her and both of us being in hospital.I'm so angry that dd1 has loat her friend, it's so unfair she's had to learn about death through a child dieing - now she talks about dying quite a lot - even ds the other day! I do need dd2 to learn stuff like no climbing/running indoors esp, when I am feeding - I am bottle feeding which helps a bit - ds has a tongue tie - and ds does need interaction other than at feed times. Luckily the dds do get on very well, but they play in ways that worries me, as I've already said. And dd1 will be at school (gulp!) in September. Any advice you can give would be great.

So how've you been?

hi, sorry haven't got back to you sooner - things hectic here and will be mad all week getting ready for holiday. why is it that men can just go to work, then skip in the car for a fun-filled holiday, whereas I've got a horrendous week building up to it, writing lists, hunting out stuff that we've not seen for months or even years, frantic last-minute shopping etc etc. sorry. different topic.

been thinking about you a lot, but not sure I have any answers, as the 1st year with ds3 was my easiest as a parent. all went downhill when he turned into a toddler, lol.

1st thoughts re time out, as others have said, can you find an alternative to the naughty step from which she can't escape, eg downstairs loo. I think bedroom best avoided. When ds hurts his brothers I just kneel down and say 'no' really firmly right in his face (not agressive grant mitchell stylee) just very clear, then into the loo for 2 minutes, then I just say to him it's not allowed to hurt xxx/pull his hair etc that hurts, come and say sorry. so at the time of the naughtiness he doesn't get any attention.

I'd also set up an activity that you all do when you're feeding ds, eg, watching a cartoon all 4 of you together. This works best obviously if you don't watch tele much, then it's seen as a treat, a. watching the tele and b. doing it with you, even if you are feeding ds at same time. Can she help eg holding the bottle with you? Or is she too livley for that? MAybe having a job like that? It is a difficult age. I tell myself off for catching myself thinking, oh it'll be so much easier in a year when he can do x, y or z.

The violence is no fun. ds3 has also started headbutting and being rough and screaming agressively at other kids if they annoy him ( more than a bit embarrassing) he's only little too. Like a bloody mad little terrier taking on a doberman or something. I find with him just saying 'no, you're not allowed to do that' straight awy & ignoring him & giving as much attention to his victim seemsto work, but really only when done theatrically with every outburst, so it's a bit time consuming but effective & doesn't require great verbal skils from your dd.

Finally, I wouldn't stress too much about her starting pre-school in October. My initial reaction was that that would (hopfeully) help once the dust has settled. You might have an initial difficult settling-in period but I would have thought that being in that environment would help sort her out, esp if the teachers are firm and consistent about it. There was a boy round here who was a right hooligan, really awful with the other kids, and sly too, eg encouraging other kids to hit a child so he wouldn't be blamed for it. After a year in the Kindergarten with our fab kg teacher he is a different child, really.

My ds 1 starts school in August, so just 3 weeks, so I know a bit how you're feeling on that score, except of course, he's a couple of years older than your dd1 I think. Still a bit of a gulp. No cute little uniform for us tho unfortunately.

Hope the dust settles soon. my mantra is it'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphaseit'sjustaphase