Friends dd is bullying my child!

[Amandella]

Hi there
My dear friend has a dd the same age as my own (2.5) and we see one another once a week for a play/coffee. However, my friend's daughter has become really aggressive (probably since the birth of her sibling) but she seems to be getting worse and my poor dd is constantly being pinched, scratched and hit on the head or shoved over and each time we go, we come back with bumps and scrapes despite me watching her like a hawk. They are playing happily together and then suddenly she hits out for no reason! My friend is WAY too soft on her dd. She just says "we don't do that do we?" and "say sorry" - which she often doesn't do but she does nothing else. I would put my dd on the naughty step but my friend doesn't agree with the use of one so there is no real consequence to her bad behaviour. This situation is now upsetting me quite a bit as I really like my friend and don't want to cut ties with her but I feel I need to protect my dd. I've tried to "advise" her that her dd needs a bit more discipline but it's so hard without sounding patronising and I do feel a bit embarrassed raising the subject again. I would appreciate any thoughts on this.
Thanks

Oh I bet that goes down well - I mean the unasked for advice on how she should be raising her child, and how you'd do it differently

How's this for an approach

first offence say to DD's friend "That's not nice, if you do it again we will have to leave"

second offence say to DD's friend "Oh now we'll ahve to leave" pick up DD and leave

or alternatively avoid them until she's over this standard toddler phase

its tough .. I know ... but it is a phase

Can't see it as bullying when they're this young! I agree with Twiglett. And remember, even the best-regulated children have their moments. Your dd's may yet come!

Oooh it's a toughie when first encountered though.I remember it very well with ds so i can sympathise...(lol! don't seem to fret too much with dd)
It is just a phase though not bullying...i expect it's just spontaneous frustration rather than bullying at that age. It's much harder to be the mother of the child who does the hitting imo!
I would do as Twiglett suggests...and pull away a bit untill things improve.

Yep, have to agree with Twiglett too....my nephew (same age as dd) used to hit occasionally, and as my brother and SIL were too stressed to deal with it, I did. I would say 'Joe, no hitting - if you hit Eli again, we'll have to go away'. And if he did, we did. Worked well. And as a bonus, my SIL was impressed and actually asked for advice on how to handle hitting wish I'd had more to give.
This was around 2-2.4, both kids now 2.7 and no more hitting.

Leave the kids at home with dhs and go out for a drink once a week instead or go to the gym then out for a meal or something.

It's not bullying, and the naughty step thing doesn't work with all toddlers - it doesn't with mine. I've had a similar experience with a friend's ds hitting our dd1 and in the end I did take dd1 home on one occasion.

It may not be bullying in the grown up sense, but the result is the same, if Amandella's dd is learning that someone more agressive than her can attack her.

Amandella, the naughty step never worked for my children either. But I agree, your dd needs to be protected. Can you find some reason to stop your regular playdates for a month or two, and maybe the other little girl will have grown out of this phase by then?

or teach your dd to hit back, of course...

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