Terrible two's, or am I doing something wrong???

[mrcandmre]

Hi, you've all probably heard this 1000 times, but after a visit to the park this morning, I'm a little upset.

Basically, my eldest is two next month. He is a very boisterous boy, always on the go etc. But recently(the past 1-2 months) he has become very destructive, quite rough around his brother (who is 9 months) and very disobeidient.

At the park this morning he was playing with 3 other boys who were a year or two older. He can't talk clearly at all yet, and the boys he was with were mocking him, saying they couldn't understand him, that they were going to ignore him, and push him away.
I was very upset. Not just by their bullying behaviour, but more so at the thought that my little man was slow, and should be talking more by now.
What should a 23 month old be saying by now? Is he slow? Should I go to a speech therapist?

Please leave any advise. He is my eldest son, so I've not done any of this before.
Thanks

Goodness, didn't you step in and explain nicely to these other children that they too didn't have much speech at your ds's age and that they must be kind to him.

These children were acting out of ignorance, they didn't mean to hurt his feelings, they are too young to understand such things, they rely on adults guidence. I would have chatted to these boys and explained they were the same once. Perhaps showed then what he could say and help them all play together.

Hi kaloo, I did say to them that he's only a baby and that he can understand them, but hasn't learnt to talk yet. But obviously ignorance-as you say-got the best of them, and they ignored him.

I just don't know anyone who has children his age, and am at a loss when it comes to knowing how well he is doing speech wise.

bumping................

There are 2 issues I think.

1. My niece was 2 in July, she can say some words clearly and I understand them, she 'talks' more with her mum and dad and they understand her. She's not yet easily understood by anyone else. I think it's par for the course and you shouldn't worry about your ds' speech at all. They all develop at different rates and as he's a boy they do say that they're generally slower at speech but faster at the physical stuff.
2. You might want to think about how you intend to set and keep order with him. What are your boundaries for behaviour? I suspect he's trying to figure that out. As few easy rules as possible but firmly stuck to seems to be the best guidance around. As for those other rascals I usually step in and give them a firm lecture along the lines that kaloo suggests. I'm sure you're doing a top job. I've got a dd of 4 but my ds is only 1 so I have the boy experience ahead.

It seems so long ago - mine are now 7 and 6

I am sure anything they did say was only understood by close family and carers who had regular contact with them to dicipher their babble.

As for not knowing anyone with children of almost 2, why not join a mothers and baby group locally. Try a few and see which one suits you best.
GL x

mrcandmre My ds will be 2 in September and he's a bit of a handful too. Very active, very strong physically and mentally. He's always been quite 'destructive' in a sense that anything will be taken apart for the sake of exploration.

The disobedience is perfectly normal too. DH would tell ds not to do something only for ds looking in a cheeky way and still to do it. Argh. You have to be very consistent in your reaction. DH and I have different ways of dealing with this. DH gets loud, I ignore

As for the older boys ridiculing him... they just couldn't understand that he can't talk yet. DD (4.5) keeps asking ds questions and then come to me to complain that he doesn't reply , even though I've told her that he can't talk yet.

Don't think your ds is slow at all Mine only masters a few words like mama, daddy, yes, no (with conviction ), go go go, there (sort of, and enforced by vigurous finger pointing). And he's got an older sibling that keeps talking to him non-stop.

Thank you all of you.
We were looking at putting him into a nursery a morning a week so that he has the chance to mix, but now I think I may look into parent and toddler groups-thanks Kaloo. I think I'd like to be there to be part of his development.

The discipline we carry out at the moment is a telling off(not shouting, but in a low stern voice), then he is put into his high chair, and if he's still a pain he goes to his room. He does understand I'm sure, but as MrsbigD said, he will look cheekily at you and then carry on! grrrr! Any other ideas are welcome. I think I need supernanny! LOL

My DS didnt talk much when he was 23 months and hardly anyone outside his immediate family could understand him in any case. I think the rate of talking varies so much from child to child, you dont need to worry atall. he is only 23 months.

I am sure he will be talking more in say 6 months time at Christmas. I know I wanted DS to talk more, then now he does he never shuts up now all day long.

For our DS we find the 'best' punishment is to send him into the hall by himself and to sit on the step for 3 minutes. Now just the threat of that is often enough to stop him (well not always though by any means). He hates to miss out on what is happening and usually comes back ready to say sorry etc.

Ds is 2.9 yrs and still isn't talking, though I do understand a lot of what he's trying to say. (He's very chatty, it's just all gobbldigook. - We rely on a lot of pointing and facial expressions.) I've turned down speech therapy because I'm convinced he'll get there in his own time - he's always been "late" at achieving milestones, but has hit the ones you'd expect him to in the end.
He too has been/gets victimised by other kids, who obviously at that age have no tact. I've responded by carefully selecting who he plays with and if he encounters a situation like you did today I too will explain in the same way and then we'll both walk away.
I don't feel ds would be helped by attending a nursery because I feel it's too long a period of time (4 hours is the minimum for here it seems) for him to have to fend for himself. (I don't think generally that nursery staff are as attentive to him as I would be.) He does go to pre-school for a couple of hours a few times a week though and I volunteer from time to time and therefore know those running it are aware that he needs an eye keeping out for him and do. The ratios there are quite high too (several volunteers).
Apart from that he's got a few house rules regarding his behaviour which I always enforce (no throwing food or drink - I don't punish him if it's an accident though - and no hitting) and I'll completely ignore him when he's whining after things he can't have (TV when it's switched off, biscuits 5 minutes after breakfast etc...) and instantly notice him the moment he stops.
Ds can get quite frustrated at times and I always try to say to him "I know you're feeling frustrated (or whatever emotion I think it is), I think it might help if you ......." My hope is that eventually he'll learn to manage his own feelings without resorting to bad behaviour to get my attention.
So far he knows how he ought to behave around me and dh (doesn't always manage it, though), but can test others who look after him and aren't so careful about his behaviour (particularly gps, sadly).
Apart from that I'd suggest maybe he needs an extra playground trip each day to give him a chance to let off some steam. Ds loves kicking a ball around and he's got a little foam plane now that he really enjoys throwing around.
Anyway - good luck! It's all meant to be a phase they eventually grow out of isn't it!