Bossy 3 year old.

[DeathMetalMum]

Dd is 2.11 I have noticed recently she is getting extremly bossy like me. I'm not sure how much of a problem this is though I know dp is finding it frustrating as dd will try and tell him what to do rather than asking, or stand and issue instructions to us while we are playing. I have noticed she also does this to her cousins (younger and older) who all seem to listen and do what she says even if its not really what they want to do.

I'm just wondering how normal this sort of behaviour is and any tips on mimimising if it is not quite so normal. Currently we say to her she need to ask us rather than tell. I'm worried that when she starts pre-school after easter this may be a problem.

My guess is she is just modelling your behaviour. Not because you are bossy but because mums 'boss' kids around. If you are a bit bossy then it might be that she is bossier than other kids with less bossy mums but I think it's a fairly normal thing. Similarly you will get preschoolers using mummy's retorts against them. ie when she does something you don't like you say 'that's naughty!' and children will have a stage of telling you you are naughty when you won't do what they want.

That said I have quite a bossy DN and it doesn't really endear me to her

I know this sounds harsh but he needs to be put in his place. He needs to know that he's a boy and when he gets to became adult like daddy he can be the boss like daddy

I've lost count tbe number of times I've said...im the adult I'm in charge
But it does work

We hdo ave boss days. You can be the boss today dd, what shall we do, what shall I wear, what shall we eat, bow do you want me to do this?
They soon get bored of making the decisions!

I like that last idea! C'mon, c'mon. make a decision! park or softplay, park or softplay!!!

I think it's very normal tbh. Especially when playing imaginative games.

My suggestion would be to give her as many reasonable outlets for it as possible - let her make her own decisions on eg orange juice or apple juice? Red socks or blue socks today? (stick to directed choices though ie just 2-3 options (too many get overwhelming), all of which you're happy with - don't tell her she can choose any drink she wants out of the supermarket fridge, it's guaranteed she'll pick Coke). And play the imaginative games with her, and let her boss you around in them.

I could be wrong, I'm no expert but think this tends to make it easier for kids to accept that they can't control EVERYTHING, if they do get to decide some of the things that affect them.

A tiny bit of bossiness might be tolerated but it will anoy most children after a while. Extreme bossiness is a very negative trait.

I think it could grow into a problem. Watch she doesn't repeatedly manipulative and force when playing with other kids. Visitors can get upset at being told they have no choice about choice of games/what characters they are in role play/what they say in role etc. The forceful child in effect pushes friends away and can end up isolated and disliked.

I think the best you can do is model he behaviour you want her to have. Also ask her questions nicely 'have you checked with x that she wants to x'

The best thing is to encourage her to consider others feelings. I wouldn't let her rule the roost and dictate everything.

But you have to do the same! Be considerate of others