Do you get stressed if toddler takes ages to fall asleep

[Madallie]

My dd who is just 2 has always seemed to have less sleep than the average baby/toddler. Whether she has needed less I'm not so sure about but I've tried everything to extend her sleep but obviously can't make her sleep longer.

Anyway we seem to have got into this sort to routine
Wake - 6.45-7.15
Nap usually 6 hours after waking so 1ish for between 1.25 and 1.5 hours
In bed 7.30pm
Asleep - on average between 8.15 and 8.30. She doesn't cry, just moans/chants/bangs her leg which us what she has always done to get to sleep.

The problem is that I get really stressed while she is still awake upstairs and find I can't relax until she goes to sleep.

Before this phase dd was in bed at 7 asleep 7.30 but started getting up at 5/5.30am. Dh says that this new routine is better as neither of us have to be up early for work (I'm 35 was pregnant and on maternity leave and Dh works later shifts).

I guess Dh is right but I hate not being able to relax until 8.30 or so at night especially now being pregnant. Also worried about logistics of everything once baby us born.

Does/has anyone else have/had this situation with this age dc? Are you able to just switch of and relax? Is is partly to do with the age and still needing a nap but also needing more awake time?

Yes. 5yo DD is still going strong and I'm on edge. I've had almost 3yrs of her nightmare sleeping, she was ok as a baby, and it's left me very ratty (understatement of the century!).

Gosh, sounds like you're tying yourself in knots which is horrid.

If the kid is in bed then it's resting. They sleep when they need to. I wouldn't be in the least bit concerned. My 2 year old cam spend hours playing in bed without sleeping. I'm relaxed because she's contained and not under my feet. My 4 year old always fell straight asleep.

If you're really worried, have a look at your wind down routine. Is she hyped up when she goes to bed? I know some people say tv before bedtime is a bad idea, for example.

meglet I feel for you and sympathise. I find it really hard and she's only 2!

suzie thanks for your post. That's exactly how I feel, tying myself in nots and it is horrid. I can't help but feel her going to actual sleep is too late esp when I here so many toddlers her age seem to sleep 7-7 and take mammoth naps.

I think I always feel worried her sleep will get worse/less and then what will I do? That feeling is getting worse now dc2 is due in a few weeks.

Can I ask how much your 2 year old tends to sleep?

Some children need less sleep and some need more. So long as you've got her in a routine where she can sleep if she wants to then there's no need to worry. I absolutely wouldn't mess with the routine this close to number 2 arriving. You've got enough to worry about!

Although I don't think its helpful to compare children (or people!) my daughter goes to bed at around 7pm and often stays awake until 8. Sometimes peacefully sometimes screaming. She wakes at around 7/8 depending on what's going on.

She still naps 5 days out of 7. She sleeps for between 30 mins and an hour and a half. She's a complete pita if she doesn't nap properly but that's the age isn't it.

My boy (almost 4) falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow and had a nap until he was 3. He also slept through at 6 weeks whereas the girl took 3 months.

Seriously, stop stressing, put your feet up and enjoy the peace before all hell breaks loose when number 2 arrives!

My DD is 14 months and like yours doesn't need much sleep - in fact she needs less than your dd despite being younger. She sleeps 10.5 hours at night and 1.5-2 hours in the day. She has never done 7-7 and mammoth naps, always slept as little as she can get away with

We put her to bed at 8, she is usually asleep within 10 minutes - if we put her to bed earlier it would take longer. I do find it hard to switch off till she's asleep.

Why not put your DD to bed later? I know that still means you can't start your evening till later, but it might be better than listening to her chuntering upstairs and wishing she'd go to sleep.

Yep although I'm expecting her to settle down again as her ds did it when he was 2. He's now 4 and falls asleep quickly.

I def agree I shouldn't mess with routine now dc2 is due. Thanks.

I know it's something I just have to accept and get on with, I just find that really difficult. Think all the stressing stems back to her first 5 months when she would basically cry at night and hardly ever sleep. Think it traumatised me really. Maybe I'll be so tired when dc2 arrives I won't have the energy to worry about whether dd is asleep or just lying up there.

Ha! Probably! I found the transition from 1-2 quite hard work. Hoping 2-3 (in May) is easier.

My approach in dealing with experiences of this nature is that fretting isn't helping anyone. Any bad experience you had over 18 months ago are well in the past. Move on and get some rest. I imagine your anxiety is more to do ith worrying over arrival number 2 and whether your experience with number 1 will be repeated. Ie 5 shitty months.

Focus on that, on the lessons you learnt with first child and what you're going to do differently this time. Have a plan with time frames so that if whatever you're doing isn't working by week 6 you change so e'thing and try something new. You're in control of the children and yourself and there's no need to worry because you'll cope or adapt.

My first child loved routines. The second one hated them. Don't be afraid of doing things differently, partic when whatever you did first time around obviously caused you such distress.

Now go to bed ;)

Ha ha! Thanks Suzie. You're prob right about worrying about 1-2 dcs. Kind of just want dc 2 to be here so we can get on with it and stop wondering/worrying about how it will be.

Thanks for advise. Bed sounds like a good plan.

If it makes you feel any better my 2 year old screams to sleep every night and also won't sleep unless I stay in the room with him! Nightmare! I have tried so many things but it's just the way he is

Her routine doesn't sound too bad to me!

The thing is, her need for sleep will change soonish anyway. My 2.4 yr old is just about to drop his nap I think. He was taking upwards of 3 hours to get to sleep at night so I have very reluctantly started waking him at nap times after an hour which I swore I'd never do. It's made a difference as he now falls asleep in 20-30 minutes.

When is dc2 due? Are you hoping she's still napping when the new baby comes? Because it might not work out that way...

Try not to worry - you're the one that needs the sleep just now! Night night.

Op here. So now I've been awake since 4.45 with dd banging, restless, moaning and chatting. Thats only 9 hrs after she fell asleep! She'll be so tired now, as will I today. I couldn't relax until she went off last night and now this very early morning wake up! Just not sure what to do. Does it sound like she's OT?

Let her have a shorter sleep slightly earlier - so say 12 til 1

Thanks toe. Do you mean generally or just today as she woke early? I don't think she'd generally go down that early tbh. Also I've heard others on here before saying that an earlier nap leads to earlier waking. I just don't know what to do for the best. The only reason I started putting her to bed for the night at 7.30 was cos she was only sleeping 10 hrs no matter what. Before that she was in bed 6.45 or 7 at the latest. Feel a bit list with it all now and so worried about what wil happen when dc2 arrives in a few weeks.

You've just described my evening last night. Dd normally asleep by half six; half eight I could still hear her wide awake through the monitor and I was getting ridiculously stressed out. It is unusual for her. She stopped napping at 18 months and she is usually asleep by half six and sleeps for 12 hours.

My 2.5yo sleeps 9.30/10pm til 8am and for 1.5 hours during the day. I do find the evenings stressful as since (very recently) stopping breastfeeding we have somehow ended up with a situation where she will only fall asleep when rocked. My biceps and shoulders are going to be huge if this continues! It is stressful as she screams and sobs if I put her in bed. In the next few days we'll have to make the transition. If your DD will lie quietly I would just let her! You can't force sleep.

Hey OP, your routine etc sounds fine as far as I can tell...babies dont all need the same amount of sleep - they're not little robots who all run on the same schedule.

But something you said really rang a bell with me: you said you feel like it's always going to be this bad or get worse, in terms of her sleep/falling asleep. And that it stems from the newborn days when she was a terrible sleeper? I felt/feel exactly the same as this and I have had PND and anxiety since ds was born.

I am much better now, he is 13mo. But i had some CBT counselling and one of the key things they pointed out to me about people who have anxiety is that feeling that things are always going to be bad or worse (I was working from a workbook of CBT exercises with my counsellor and it used almost exactly the same phrase you did in your op).

I am not saying you have depression, but I do wonder if maybe you are suffering from anxiety focused around your LO's sleep, and I wonder if a short course of CBT counselling might help you address this and find ways of banishing these 'unhelpul thoughts'...

sorry to sound all pop-psychology on the internet. Obv i am not a doctor but maybe you could speak to your GP, or HV (or even MW?) and see if they could refer you for some counselling. I think they can ask you a few simple questoins from a questionnnaire to see whether you have an anxiety disorder.

It's very tiring to live with constant anxiety about something like this. But it can be treated relatively easily.