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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS always needs bfing to fall asleep

16 replies

LilDragon · 31/12/2013 20:50

Dear all,

My DS is 9 months old, and after a few ups and downs, he now sleeps well, about 10 hours a night most of the time. However, we are in the habit of always having to bf him until he falls asleep on my lap before DH comes and puts him in his cot.

I have read that he should fall asleep by himself in his cot, and also concerned that he is relying on bfing for sleep, which could be a problem when I want to stop bfing. I was wondering, has anyone out there gone through this? Any tips about what I should be doing?

Thank you!!!

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Showy · 31/12/2013 20:55

I bf mine to sleep until they stopped doing it of their own volition. They stopped bfing to sleep before I stopped bfing iyswim. I always used to tell myself that I was lucky it worked because the alternative was hours of rocking or shushing or similar. I figured they'd self settle when ready. And they did!

I did nudge them towards it when they were showing signs of being ready. So I would remove them from the breast when they were starting to doze but keep them close. If they fussed, they'd go back on, but they'd gradually start to accept the removal of the breast. Over time, I'd remove the breast sooner and whilst more awake and the transition was seamless.

Are you happy to feed to sleep for now? Does the reassurance that it ends help? Is it just that you're worried about it never ending or that you want to stop it NOW?

There's the Pantley pull off technique I think it's called. I know people who have used that with success.

TheFabulousIdiot · 31/12/2013 20:58

My DS is three and I still sometimes breastfeed him to sleep. I think if you want to start doing something else then do it now or over the next few months because it does continue for as long as you let it. Personally I don't mind and my son has never 'self settled' and I don't think you should take to heart what the books or other people tell you he 'should' be doing.

However, if you want to do it then maybe let your DH take over bedtimes while you leave the house? That has worked for some people I know and it means tha even though your son might be upset he will at least have one parent with him to soothe him.

TheFabulousIdiot · 31/12/2013 20:59

Oh yes, and DS does sometimes fall asleep to a book or through tiredness but it took a while to get there.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 31/12/2013 21:02

Such a tender time- what greater pleasure can there be for a baby than to be soothed to sleep by a breastfeed. Feeling safe, secure, loved, warm, sweet scent of milk, a tummy full of sweet dreams. Some of my most treasured memories of my babies. XXX

Elfina · 31/12/2013 21:24

It's such a short time in both yours and your baby's life. Don't change it unless you want to.

TheNumberfaker · 31/12/2013 21:53

If you want to stop then just stop.

CraftyBuddhist · 31/12/2013 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodledumdums · 31/12/2013 22:10

No advice OP, but just to say that my DS is 1 tomorrow (sob!), and he has always breastfed to sleep, and I can't see him giving it up any time soon! I think it's fine as long as you are okay with it

WaitingForPeterWimsey · 31/12/2013 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mellowandfruitful · 31/12/2013 22:16

I did this with my DS for a good while and then we moved to reading him to sleep. Now, I say goodnight and leave him awake and perfectly happy just to lie in bed till he drifts off to sleep. Don't believe the myth that if you do this they will never sleep well / go to sleep alone. Mine is an excellent sleeper and has been for years now.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 31/12/2013 22:31

CraftyBuddhist XX

Waiting I agree- I don't think babies need to be taught how to self settle.
Babies naturally will do this with time as part of their natural development, as they learn how to do many other things.
The trouble is it's not fast enough for some Mums, so the impatient amongst us try to force the pace - often by using harsh methods.
By continuing to meet a baby's nighttime needs we are not holding them back, quite the opposite- we are filling their basic needs for comfort, contact and security which will nourish their lifetime self esteem and provide a solid foundation for later independence.
We need to slow down and listen to our babies- they tell us what they need- many adults like to sleep with a cuddle and a baby has a much deeper need for physical contact.

LovelyMarchHare · 31/12/2013 22:40

I miss it. Lovely contented cuddly baby. If you're both happy don't stop.

Madambossyboots · 31/12/2013 22:50

Oh at the strike I'm welling up too!
Such lovely words and it's true.
Why rush such an enriching time for both mum and baby.
Lil dragon unless you want to stop, I wouldn't worry one bit.
I've fed all 5 of my babies, aged from 14 years to 9 months, none of them had to fight each other to feed, it comes to a natural end. You are doing a marvelous thing for your baby.

Original poster

LilDragon · 01/01/2014 14:14

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, and your kind words!!! I do enjoy bfing him to sleep, it's great to see him sleeping there with a tummy full of milk.
The other point is that I have to bf him for him to nap, so that means a minimum of 3 feeds a day. I wonder if people deal with naps differently to the evenings? I think in an ideal world he would maybe settle down by himself for the naps, but maybe bf him in the evening to make sure he is well fed for the night.

OP posts:

mandybeesborough · 01/01/2014 14:39

Atthestrokeoftwelve what a lovely lovely post. I have been pondering similar things. Also have a 9 month old. She feeds to sleep for naps which I am fine with although she had started in childcare which I was worried about in terms of naps. She apparently settles fine. If she was At home I would carry on feeding to sleep.

MinesAPintOfTea · 01/01/2014 16:38

Ds is 19 months and I can't settle him for any sleeps without bf. But he only naps once a day now and dh can settle him with a story, cuddle and sometimes lying on the floor pretending to be asleep. I love the pre-bed cuddles and am sure he will grow out of them he started self-settling for a while then teeth came through

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