Six year old ds worrying about everything - normal development?

[jodee]

Just lately he has been telling me he has a lot of worries - to name just a few, we went to legoland recently and bought a few items, he wanted to keep the carrier bag but I said no, carrier bags could be dangerous, children could suffocate. He then panicked, and wanted all the carrier bags out of the house and was sure one of his friends would be putting a bag over his head, he was in tears.

We were watching some local news earlier and there was a report on the dangers of kids diving into the sea/rivers from groynes and piers. He was then very upset, worried it might happen to him and wanted to move as we live by the sea.

Is this a usual development for kids?

My ds went through a phase like this just after Xmas. He was 4.5 then. He's always been quite a 'serious' nature but he started having night terrors, worrying about people breaking into the house and generally behaving like there was some huge anxiety in his life. I didn't know whether to play it down or try to get him to talk about it but risk making too much of it.

Has your ds always been cautious/introverted or is this completely out of the blue?
Canyou think of anything that might have triggered it?

With my ds, changes to routine seem to upset him. He also started the stuff at Xmas after he had a bad reaction to MMR2 & ran a temperature for a day or so.

Jodee - I'm logging off now but hope this bumps your msg & that you get some useful answers. I'll check back again tomorrow.

hi
my son is the same.he's just turned 5 but worries about everything.we cant let him watch any of the films that his friends watch as he worries why people are hurting each other, he worries when my dad says jokingly "im getting old" as my son says old people die! my worries about everything but he always has been worried about little things.hes ore sensitive than alot of other boys but being honest, im the same, i worry about everything.my health visitor said its normal progress and shows hes mturing to understand other peoples fears and worries and the impact of things on other people.if hes taking it to extremes id question it with your doctor/health visitor but i always try to calmly explain things and reassure.the latest for my son is going to bed, he was fine until he had grommets inserted a few weeks ago, he now worries where me and my partner are when he goes to sleep and what if we dont hear him if he wakes in the night and wants us.reassurance, reassurance and more reassurance is what we've had to do, along with baby monitors in his room just to calm him as he was so upset he was genuinely sobbing and scared as we left the room! i think they all go through a sensitive stage, id just monitor it.hope this helps

JOdee - how's things?

Mumandlovingit - know what you mean about films. DS has never seen Dr. Who, Harry Potter or Pirates of Caribbean because I know it would freak him out.

Hi witchycat and mumandlovingit - thanks for your replies. I can't really pinpoint anything that has caused his worries, he is an outoing boy, one of the lively ones in class and that hasn't changed at all. He happily watches Dr Who, all the Star Wars films without any concerns.

He had another worry today, a series about bears started on BBC and he wanted it turned over, he was worried the bears would get him. He eventually was reassured when told there are no bears in this country. very odd, he's not been worried by wild animals on TV before, in fact when we were on holiday last year he volunteered to go in the aligator pit and helped pull one out of the water!

M - interesting what your HV had to say.

hi again
ive just let my son watch spiderman film as he was really worried last year about the green goblin.even now he worried why spidermans face was bleeding etc and why they were hitting each other etc.told him it was ketchup and not real and that they were just acting for the film.my mother in law actually wonders why i wont let her give him king kong to watch and pirates of the caribean! can you imagine the nightmares???he loves the books etc of them but he wouldn't be able to cope with the violence and graphic detail of them.still having to reassure and reassure, he's stopped asking abuot how will we know if he's okay at night.he just makes sure ive turned the monitor on before i leave the room at night.my other child is nearly four but he's the opposite.i dont think he takes alot of it in.he lets it all go over his head from films etc.even the beginning of the proper scooby doo movie with the ghost thing flying scared my eldest.i try to explain what is real, what is actingto make a film and what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in the world.so hard when there's so many news reports and violent things going on in the world!!

Jodee - my ds went through a stage where he was scared of wolves & we had to explain again & again that there haven't been wolves in England for hundreds of years. Sounds similar to the bear thing.

He asked alot of questions like 'what if they got out of the zoo and came to the house?', I'd say 'well they can't get in because the door is locked'. He would then ask 'what if they have keys?' and I would say 'they have paws & can't use keys' - it went on and on.

Eventually we devised a ritual of making a 'spell' with a magic wand:
From ceiling to floor
From window to door
No wolves here anymore
Ka-pow !

All said while waving magic wand in appropriate direction !

I think it is a developmental stage where their imagination runs riot & they can't work out what's realistic & what isn't. I also think boys of 4-6 are more prone to it. IME, girls are alot 'wiser' at that age.

If he's not normally over sensitive maybe it's just a phase. How does he react when you try & talk to him about it? Does that make him more upset or does it help? I asked the school nurse about this stuff a while back & she said encourage him to draw pictures & ask him about it while he's looking at the pictures not at you - feels less pressuring. or get him to talk to his teddy bears - i.e. you 'voice' the teddy asking the questions & see if he'll tell them if he won't tell you. Worth a try?

Mumandlovingit - I can relate to the reassurance thing. My ds was never a problem going to bed until about 6 months ago & now he sleeps with the light on & we have to tell him we'll be back to check on him before he's happy to let us go out of the room. Mind you I think it's just habit now.

Sigh - more worries tonight. Earlier in the evening he said that tomorrow he was going to put up posters to tell the baddies to go away; i didn't encourage him further in this.

He was OK in bed until I'd said goodnight, be back in 10 mins to tuck him in - he came out of his room upset, worried that thieves might break in the house (a couple of months ago someone smashed DHs van window and stole the sat nav, which he shouldn't have left there in the first place). he was also talking about going up to heaven now, but Mummy and Daddy must come too, which concerned me a bit.

witchycat, I will try to get him to draw for me what he is feeling, thanks for that.