should i insist he plays out ? please read, really need some advice

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ds1 is 10 and for as long as i can remember ( was definately talked about by staff at playgroup aged 3) he has not been a good mixer.

it isn't that other kids exclude him,it's more that he excudes himself.

he has always been very old headed and people are amazed when they have a conversation with him because he sounds more like an old man than a 10 year old. i think he thinks that all the kiddy games are silly.
He is a big stocky lad, not overeight at all but quite clumsy seeming if you know what i mean?
and he hates anything sporty, probably i think because he has decided he isn't any good at it.

he is very very clever and an absolute whizz on the computer,so mch so that the head at school has almost made him his right hand man and is even letting him come in to school in the holidays to help him with stuff.

at first i thought the head was being brilliant with him, then i thought it was allowing him to seperate from the kids even more and now i just don't know because actually wherever he goes he ends up in with the adults e.g at cub day he ended up practically running one of the stalls while the others did rock climbling or something.

now, it's the summer holidays and on the front street there are children playing, 2 of which he walks to school with and are in his class.
but, he doesn't want to play out with them. i limit his time on the pc because he would sit there all day if i let him. but, when he isn't on the pc he is just following me around and it's driving me mad.

when i tell him to go and do something he just reads a book for 10 minutes and then he's at my side again or in front of the tv.

what should i do with him? should i just leave him to it i.e tv, p.c and folllowing me around all day for 7 weeks or should i MAKE him socialize?

sorry this is long and thanx if you have read it all!

could you do something physical with him? Something new to both of you so he can see its ok to fail? Obviously this isn't going to fill 7 weeks though!

I don't think you can make him play with kids he doens't want to.

Does he have other friend who share his interests?

Would he play out? I mean, can you tell him to and will he go? It's a tough one. He is who he is - some children do seem too 'adult' for their peers. Does he seem unhappy at being 'different' to his contemporaries, or is he a content sort of child?

I would try and encourage him to go out and play, I think (though I have a lot of sympathy with him too because I remember how much it used to bug me when my Mum would make me go out and play "you can't sit there all day with your nose in a book!") You say you limit his PC time - so can you have a trade off? If he plays out for an hour he gets an hour on the PC?

I don't know if any of that's any help...

yesterday i told him if he didn't go and play out for an hour he couldn't use the pc. so, he did go out with much back chat and stomping and seemed to be joining in.
his 7 year old brother was playing out too, he goes out no problem.
he just doesn't seem to have any real friends. there is one lad from school who enjoys the same computer games as him and i have invited him around a couple a times. ds1 has been to his house too, but, ds1 doesn't seem bothered in that he never suggests meeting up with this boy and i almost feel like i am forcing them together iyswim. also this other lad lives quite a trek away, has his own closer friends and i don't drive.
a couple of boys from school called for him on friday and he said he didn't want to go out. he seems happy in his own company sometimes and other times kind of bored hanging around me asking if i want any jobs doing!

I'd take a slightly different tack and try and find groups and activities centred round the things he is good at.

I'd try and get a good computer summer camp booked, and perhaps a maths camp.

This will give him a better chance of meeting friends that are like minded and into the same things as he is. I'd definitely never force a child to mix with people that he doesn;t have anything in common with. Perhaps they like kicking footballs around all day, which he probably hates!

I'd also get him out and about to as many museums as I could find.

I think you also need to think of getting out of the house with him more generally. Take him swimming, visit castles, whatever floats his boat really. He is only 10yo - and I think they do still need to be organised a little bit to get the most out of their time

As long as he has opportunities to play out or do other things then I would respect his choice not to do them. I would ask why he prefers to do what he does rather than something else, just in case he had a problem with something that I could help with. Sounds like he is much too interested in other things at this point in time.
Two of my ds have been like this. Eldest was about 15 when he began to take more interest in outside activities. He is now 19 and is now interested in a huge range of social activities. Seems completely unharmed by lack of playing out at 10+ and not having a huge circle of friends. My 13yo ds is similarly uninterested in outside activities. After my experiences with older ds, I am trusting that he knows what he wants and will "go out into the world" when he is ready.
Oh, and it is down to the individual child. My 16yo ds couldn't be kept indoors from an early age and has always enjoyed playing out. This has continued and now we joke that he is practically a lodger at times

Have you asked him if he is bored? What would he like to do?

thanx for all the replies.
i have planned a few days out and swimming, walks etc but of course there is still alot of time to fill!
i suppose i wouldn't mind if he was going from the pc to building or making or playing something else but unless i specifially give him something to do ( which usually lasts 10 minutes) he is back to following me around again!

i live near manchester, Rochdale way. i don't know of any computer camps or anything so if anyone knows of any please let me know

ds1 is on the pc downstairs as i type and as soon as i turf him off he will go next door to his grans and play for hours with the dog while she is asleep on the sunlounger!! ds2 would be bored stiff doing that!

shame you're not near me, he sounds abit like my 12 year old!

He sounds a bit like my 7-y-o who much prefers the company of adults & relates much better to them than his peers - and hates sport. Would he join in any activities that have a wider age range? eg my ds goes to an allotment club, sings in a choir with older children & adults & gets on well with some of his older sister's friends. Does he have older cousins? Does your younger ds have friends with older siblings he might relate to? Are there any young adult male relatives/friends of the family who could do 'boy' things with him - fishing??? chess??? woodwork? What about scouts or similar - would that interest him? Or martial arts? Our local council puts on a whole programme of holiday activities, some for whole weeks and including events in museums & the art gallery, also National Trust properties etc - is there something similar in your area? Or if Manchester's not far, there's loads going on there - are there special events/holiday sessions at the Museum of Science & Industry (or whatever it's called), for instance? Does he take gran's dog for walks, and if not, could he do that with someone else? Just a few random thoughts off the top of my head, but difficult to be too specific without knowing what he's interested in.