Removal/earning back toys?

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

Has anyone tried this with their dcs?

Im at my wits end with ds1(8) his achilles heel is the ps3 so i was thinking if taking it and all the games away and allowing him to earn them back one day at a time and taking one away each time he misbehaves? Tbh i want to take every bloody toy and book he has and ground him to his room for a month week but i think thats a bit extreme.

Yes, hit them where it hurts and take away the thing they really value. No point in taking away something they don't care about. Your plan sounds reasonable, good luck.

Thank you lasting. Should i just take the ps3 and games or take all his toys to be earned back? I have told him he is grounded for one week and that he has the chance to reduce his grounding by one day for each full day of perfect behaviour. He says he is very sorry and is crying but he always says and does that then when the mood takes him he is rude and defiant and even violent to ds2 and I.

I think start with the PS3 and games. If he carries on being nasty you can then take more things away.

I don't think you should say his behaviour has "to be perfect" to earn them back. Noone is ever perfect

Also do you know why he's being a pain? Is there a reason?

Removing toys worked well with my ds in the past (aged 4ish). I'd only take one thing for a short time, maybe a day and he'd get it back if he was well behaved.
We still do it occasionally and he's 7 now.

I think a mix of tiredness, boredom and he wouldnt eat anything before we left the house so hungry crabiness- we were clothes shopping- i dont do shopping except for groceries and theyre normally at school but they needed new clothes and i needed them there to check sizes. We had the promise of a go on the electronic massage chair if good behaviour which he was very excited about but even in the very first shop he started playing up, running away trying to goad me into snapping by saying he hates me teasing his brother etc. basically doing whatever the hell he felt like doing except standing beside me while i checked clothes. I know clothes Shopping is horrible, thats why i dont do it but we were in the shopping centre just over an hour, he should be able to stay with me and not misbehave whilst i did what i needed to.

I agree perfect is the wrong word but i figured if i set the bar high he will be more likely to achieve "good enough" behaviour if he thinks i'm expecting perfect.

I hate clothes shopping as well, I am with him on this, sorry. It's so unbelievably boring. Get them online next time.

I know funky i hate it too. I only had cash and couldnt get it into bank account as my local branch shut down and nearest is 25 miles away. I really would have avoided if i could but they have both grown so much these past few months and i needed to check sizes on them. It was necessary to take them unfortunately. And he really should be able to behave even though its something hes not thrilled about doing. He doesnt have to smile ear to ear but be respectful to me an other shoppers at very least. Not wanting to be there isnt a reason to be naughty.

Re the aim for "perfect" behaviour. It might (hopefully!) go as you wish, but it could backfire. If he thinks he's got to be "perfectly" behaved, the first time he slips up he might think "Uh oh, I've blown it now - well sod it, may as well do just as I please from now on".

I guess I'm saying it might not be the best idea to aim too high - if you give him smaller goals, they will be more achievable and he can start "winning" quicker, which will help keep him motivated. And be very specific about the behaviour you want to see - eg don't just say "you need to be really well behaved", say "you need to stand beside me quietly while I am looking at clothes; you need to be polite to me at all times; you need to be nice to your brother, that means NOT HITTING HIM..." etc etc.

Does that make sense/help?

Yes, perfect sense and far more sensible than just sying 'behave perfectly for a week' will have A proper talk in the morning (he was still too emotional this eveing to talk properly) and talk about the behaviours required of him.

Very sensible to leave it till today.

Good luck with it all. Hope his behaviour is good today

Hope it works.

I don't punish though- but whatever works for you is great.

Hes not awake yet. Probably exhausted with energy of being so naughty

Atthestroke how do you deal with naughty behaviour? In would prefer not to have to use punishment and just natural consequences type of thing however i struggle with knowing what the natural consequences for things like hitting or running away are? I cant physically hold him with me, hes too big and i would have to leave the shop as would get nothing done.

I practice AP and have never had experience of a child hitting or running away.
Yes we have natural consequences but I have never had a situation that would require "punishment".

Ive heard a little about AP but not enough to know how to or what it is. Do you have to do it from birth? Or can it begin at any age?

For me it started from birth- the foundadtions are easiest laid with tiny babies. I guess you could start to apply the principles at any age but perhaps would not be as effective.
AP nurtures a baby's self esteem which in turn leads to growing children having a respectful attitude towards others.

It's all about forward planning

If you're going out shopping, before you go, sit him down, talk to him about where you're going, how long you will be and what he will be doing, acknowledge that you know he doesnt like it and nither do you but it has ot be done.

So something like "we have to go shopping for some new clothes, I know you find it boring, as do I, but it has to be done or we'd all be naked. So we will go in about 4 shops, we will be about an hour and then will come home. When we are there you are to stay with me, and not hit your brother or be rude to me. If you are good we will go to McDonald's/buy you a comic/all watch a DVD when we get home/go on your PS3 for an hour. If you run away/hit then I will take away your PS3 for the rest of the day"

Ask him if he understands, and if he agrees its a good plan. When you are out shopping keep praising him for how well he behaves, how kind he's being to his brother etc. If he starts ot misbehave give him warnings "no, we aren't running over there, you stand by me and help me choose this jumper" If he ignores again, remind him he will miss out on the treat. Finally remind him he will lose his PS3.

This might not be what you are after, but it's how I would have have dealt with my 2 DDs. I really think explaining things before hand, preparing them so they know what is happening to them and acknowledging that you know they dont like it, makes a huge difference to them.

Thank you. I'm going to do some reading into this. His self esteem is not great at the moment.

Thank you also excuse yes with hindsight i see i should have done that you are right. Will aim for this from now on.