2 year old's shrill scream. I've let it go on for too long...

[Fakebook]

My DS started doing a shrill scream when he was 6 months old. I (stupidly) thought he'd grow out of it but he hasn't. He's going to be 2 next week and has just started talking in two word sentences but still can't explain what he wants as his vocab isn't very big.

It's upsetting the whole family now. When he doesn't get what he wants he screams and its the type of scream that makes your ears ring. I have a 7 week newborn and I'm worried its going to deafen her if he does it near her ears.

I've tried doing time outs with him but he just doesn't understand that we don't want him to scream. On a whole, he doesn't seem to understand when I'm disciplining him or that he's done something wrong, I don't know if this is normal for a just 2 year old? He does say sorry and strokes his older sister's head when I tell him to say sorry.

Im hoping someone has any tips I could try to gradually stop him doing this. Or is it something I'll have to live with until he begins to understand me?

No tips but just saying I feel you - my ds is 21 mo and exactly the same - only difference being he's an only child and has a very large vocab - which I only point out to reassure you it may not be vocab related. It's driving us mad too - he's a loving and cheerful little boy but his default frustration mode is glass-shattering scream. I get comments from family/acquaintances/strangers all the time (it's actually really starting to get to me because ds is so sweet and friendly but all people focus on is the scream. Actually it is really REALLY getting me down.)

Sorry I have no answers - will you accept sympathy, understanding and camaraderie instead?

Thank you! Finally someone who understands! I hope you don't mind me offloading this on you :)

This all came to head yesterday when I left him at my brother's house for 30 mins and came back to a huffing and puffing sil who kept repeating how horrible his screaming is whilst her 1 year old was crawling around like an angel. Like your DS, mine is also a loving happy little boy apart from the scream. Everyone seems to forget this once he screams though and focus on it too.

It's really affecting us as a family too. We're almost walking on eggshells at home trying not to frustrate him, but I think it's having a negative effect on him where he thinks he can get anything he wants. He's not sharing things with his sister anymore.

I don't know if this is the terrible two stage. I've been thinking about putting him into playgroup a few hours a week to teach him sharing and maybe discipline from someone else apart from me will stop the screaming?

You have my sympathies. DS (22mo) doesn't quite scream but he does a loud frustrated noise which makes your brain rattle. We have sshhh-ed close to his ear (but not into it) then said his name and repeatedly asked him to say "please" if he needs help. We made sure that if he said "please" we would go to help him straight away so he could see that it works. You may already have tried this, of course! We found that the distraction of the shhhh interrupted the yell a bit, iyswim.

Did someone already mention signing? That can help with communication and ease frustration.

Bottom line is that This Too Shall Pass!

Yy, giving him a word he can use to get what he wants should help, then once you're satisfied he CAN say it, don't respond to the screaming. It will probably get worse at first but then once he realises he gets better results from "please" or whatever it should reduce. Then once the screaming has stopped you can work on him not getting what he wants all the time.

We've already had a few screams today. Horrible.

Thanks Chinesefireball and Bertie. We did try the interruption a long time ago and gave up as it wasn't working. I think the Shh thing sounds good I'll give that a go today.
Recently (since baby has been born) I just close my eyes to the screaming and take deep breaths, but ignoring it isn't helping at all. I wish I'd nipped this in the bud when he was a baby.

So if he's screaming for a toy should I just keep asking him to say please over and over and not give it to him until he says it? He can say please but it's "fwee" at the moment.

I'm not sure how to teach him signing? Should I sign please each time I ask him to say it?

You offload away, lovey - I know just how horrible this stage is! I know exactly what you mean re the situation at your sil's - had a similar thing happen at playgroup. Lady at the end said 'Wow, he's got a loud scream hasn't he,' with a catsbum face and I felt crushed. No mention of how he'd been sharing his toys or clapping everyone during singing time or smiling at everyone or helping tidy up, but he screamed when he thought I had gone away and that's what gets remembered. He doesn't even whinge - he's either happy or screaming. And he's happy 90% of the time.

What we do is lie him on the floor at home as soon as he starts screaming. He's not allowed to get up until he's calm. After doing this for a few weeks he now, most of the time, says 'calm!' as soon as he lies down, and he will then be over it. He doesn't say 'calm' unless he actually is. The screaming episodes are less frequent too, so we are seeing some effect. Problem is this only works at home and we have no strategies for being out and about, so that's as bad as ever.

We tried teaching him sign language too but he didn't pick it up - except for the sign for milk. Now instead of screaming for his milk he signs it and says 'nulk!' If he's extra serious he uses both hands!

Yes just keep asking him to say please and when he says please he gets the toy. It might mean that he does SCRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE-"fwee?" for a while but hopefully he'll work out that the scream part is unnecessary.

Might be a bit late to start signing but the idea is you do the sign every time YOU say the word, and he should pick it up as part of "this is what we do when we say this word".

Yes, what Bertie said. It can take a while to work but is so worth it. Also use a quiet calm voice rather than trying to shout over the scream because if s/he sees you are talking but can't hear you s/he might be quiet out of nosiness! (Sorry can't remember if it's ds or dd and on the app so a pain to check back )