Please help, I'm at the end of my tether.

[Mystory]

Firstly I've name changed, I've been here 10yrs but tonight I don't have the mental strength to have a flaming under my regular name if that's what I'm going to get.

I'm tired, sick and tired of my kids behaviour.

I have a 9 and 7 yr old, both boys.

They're spoilt.

I do keep rules strict, I have consistency with sanctions for bad behaviours, and yet, they couldn't give any less of a toss what I say or do.

This year we cut back on gifts for Christmas, they don't treat stuff well at all so I wasn't going to bother showering them with loads of gifts. They got a few well thought out things each.

But still, I've gone upstairs after sending them to bed, they were messing around, play fighting.

I've found their bedroom (that I tidied yesterday and they tidied again today) has been trashed and DS1's game he got for Christmas has been removed from the box, the box is destroyed and the game is nowhere to be seen.

At that point I left the room and walked into the garden for genuine fear of losing it.

I. Don't. Know. What. To .do. Anymore.

I'm tired and at the end of my tether with them.
I feel ill with stress, they simply don't get it.

They treat everything like rubbish, they treat each other like rubbish, they fight, they're destructive. They don't care about anything enough to use as a sanction.

Please, help me. I need this to stop, I'm really concerned that I'm either going to walk out and not come back or have a break down.

DP is here but is in the same boat, he's all out of ideas too.

DS1 has been told his tablet is gone. Into the loft until he can do as he's asked.

He been told to sit in his room until 10am when he'll be invited to come and join the family, he's been told that he's not to come out of his room until asked and that he's either to read a book quietly to himself or draw/write. (Something quiet and calming) he was told in no uncertain terms that if he came out of the bedroom his tablet would be boxed up and put into loft storage until he can reliably do what he's been asked.

He's come out and had an almighty great tantrum on the stairs...

Why will he not learn?!

He will. It is going to take a while though. Hang in there. It's just Day 1. Sit down with a

Nothing is going to work immediately! He's had 9(?) years to learn the behaviour he's exhibiting.
You've changed quite a few things and laid down quite a few new rules all at once. That's a lot for him to take in.
Sometimes it's easier for everyone if you concentrate on one thing at a time.

Just keep calm. He's testing you to see if you'll give in. Don't get angry, just keep repeating that he can join the family when he's ready to behave as you expect.

I would be doing something very family orientated at this point, like playing a board game together, so everyone else us occupied and the focus is turned away from the tantrum.

Hang in there!

I feel for you. I have 2 girls and I feel like running away. Although my problem is they do the opposite of what i say. Why don't you spend some time with them separately maybe they need some bonding time with you alone. I found this sometimes helps me to understand mine better who they are and where they come from. I'm not saying it will help but it may give you another perspective.

He will learn Mystory. Form a plan, be persistent. This will take time but it will work. Make sure dh is following the same plan.

I agree that fresh air and exercise work miracles. I found my boys impossible if they weren' t exercised twice a day. But you need to pick your battles to keep your sanity. Why don' t you remove tablets and other technical gadgets downstairs for supervised treat use. Put them in the small room to sleep and larhe room to play. If ots a mess and toys broken- tough- if something is really special it can be in tbe supervised zone but they need to learn to play nicely or lose out.
Children also need to look forward to things and they get so much instant gratification they develope am easy come easy go attitude. Let them have pocket money rewards to save for things they want and buy token gifts for present times. They will value far more something they have earned.
Also agree with the hugs- attention seeking behaviour is always best preempted by indulging them while they are being good( if you don' t blink and miss the
moment)

Sorry for all the typos

Also, shut the door on the mess. Remove anything that could rot and ignore the rest. Bribe them once in a blue moon with a treat if the room is cleared up( a sleepover?)

Thank you again for everyone's input and advice.

The boys have just come back from a long 'adventure' walk with DP and the baby, I stayed here and had a coffee and a tidy up.

They were out for over an hour and come back filthy after ticking through fields and unexplored footpaths but they are a lot calmer and happier.

They're now having a hot chocolate while we watch the end of Harry Potter (DS1 and I have been watching one a week for the past 7 weeks!)

The break was excellent for me to have a sit down and also an uninterrupted potter.

It was good for DP, he adores walking I and exploring and he was getting a touch of cabin fever, it was good for the baby because he got some fresh air and has been asleep in the pushchair ever since. (Unheard of!)

And great for the boys to let off steam, spend some time with DP and have a change of scenery and fresh air.

Thanks again to everyone for your help.

I have 3 boys, 4, 6 & 8 and we have the same problems here - I will be taking on some of the good advice if only to save my own sanity!