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Original poster

a worried and sad mum to a 15mo

84 replies

MikeTheShite · 28/12/2013 08:33

hello,
I am desperately searching for advice regarding my 15mo dd. I am a single mum and so far she's been a delight.
I had her in a great routine of 12-2.30pm nap and 6-30-8am bedtime.
Lately however she's refused to go to bed and has been up at 4am. She was in a toddler bed perfectly but last night I had to drive her around our village to get her off, that was 8, up at four.
That however isn't what is worrying me most. Its the tantrums. She throws she hits and she bites, only me and no one else has witnessed it. She was awful Christmas day and she laid on the floor screaming for nearly a hour, banging her fists after being told no for throwing.
Yesterday in the car I picked her up from her Paternal grandparents who said she had been an angel and put her in the car for a two hour trip at her nap time.
She slept for twenty minutes and woke. she sat screaming everything I passed her she threw, she emptied milk all over the seat. She pulled the straps and twisted around to get out. I stopped three times in twenty minutes and ended up crying myself. my only option in the end was to drown her out.
I don't have family close by to take her my real break is naptimes, she sees her dad 48 hours a month. I'm full of cold and feel ill. I suffer with depression and axiety which I am medicated. im so embarrassed to write this and its taken a lot so please don't flame me. I apologise for the length of this, I just feel such a failure.

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Original poster
MikeTheShite · 28/12/2013 16:51

Well we've had no afternoon nap at all today. Wish me luck for bedtime Smile

OP posts:
NorthEasterlyGale · 28/12/2013 17:31

Not sure if it would help, but have you considered two shorter naps? My DS is 18 months and is a real live-wire so still has two naps. Sometimes he will sleep for 1.5 hours both times, sometimes in the afternoon he will just pootle round his cot talking to his toys. He (we) benefits massively from even just 'quiet time', especially if he's having a phase of not sleeping so well at night, which happens now and then. His behaviour is always worse when he's overtired or over stimulated so this helps make for a happier house all round.

Original poster
MikeTheShite · 28/12/2013 18:57

just fallen asleep on me x

OP posts:
freelancegirl · 28/12/2013 19:05

Exactly the same here - you are not alone! DS has never been a great sleeper but now naps have recently gone haywire. He's 17mo. I've been thinking of doing the opposite - moving from cot to bed - in case it helps.

He's also been having those tantrums for a while including a lot of head banging when he doesn't get his way. Like others have said sometimes I mimic him (without the violence...) and he ends up laughing. It will pass!

Knit2togtbl · 28/12/2013 19:11

Ah yes, the head banging. The side of the toilet bowl was ds's choice...

LynetteScavo · 28/12/2013 19:36

Erm...sounds normal toddler behaviour to me, bless you!

But I do think sleep breeds sleep, and she's probably tantruming more because she's tired. If you can get her to sleep more in the day, she may sleep better at night, (and vice verse) - I know that is so much easier to type than actually achieve!!!!

Is you moved her out of the cot because she was climbing out, then stick with the bed, otherwise I think I would have stuck with the cot. I found once my DC moved to a bed realised they could get out of bed and wander round they saw no need to stay in bed and sleep.

HearMyRoar · 28/12/2013 20:03

I found 15 months was hard with dd. She also suddenly started throwing tantrums just for me. Nobody else believed me. It was horrible. However as soon as she learnt to talk everything got better again. I think at that age they are starting to want things but can't express themselves so get very frustrated and angry. It will get better! :)

wokeupwithasmile · 28/12/2013 20:16

I suffer with depression and axiety which I am medicated. im so embarrassed to write this and its taken a lot so please don't flame me.

Sorry, have no advice as my little one is much smaller, but just wanted to say that I understand how hard it is, some days I also want to stop everything and start crying!! You sound like a really good mum to me.

Purplelooby · 28/12/2013 22:14

Hi op, firstly my hugest sympathy, it's so much harder when you suffer from depression (I know) and being on your own, so massive hugs.

I've got a 16 mo DS and a 18 mo niece, as well as some friends with babies this age, and the first thing I want to say is that the nap sounds totally normal, I really don't think this is causing the problem. My rule of thumb is that if DS sleeps past 3 pm I wake him up, but generally he's much happier for his nap and he needs it. If he doesn't sleep enough in the day he's much worse behaved and too over-tired to sleep at night.

The second thing is that this behaviour does sound normal. At this age they understand what you say but can't answer back. They are learning that they can't do what they want and that you are the one stopping them. It's a big time of conflict. In addition, Christmas is a very confusing time with all the family and fuss and new stuff. In the last 2 days my normally-lovely DS is being very defiant (laughing in my face all the while), has bit me hard enough to break the skin and has hit me in the face 3 times. He is also being very naughty and fussy at meal times. It tries my patience but I know it'll pass as things get back to normal. Hope this helps honey xx

Original poster
MikeTheShite · 29/12/2013 07:12

Thank you everyone. im beginning to think its not her nap too as she's been up at four again this morning.
Today is a quiet day so she will be napping!
two naps in theory would be great but practically id stand no chance. .
I don't let her nap past three either as a rule

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 29/12/2013 08:11

It starts getting tough when they start dropping naptimes if you're needing them as a break. Although I expect you can find a new routine with naps after christmas, I'd encourage you to look for options locally for some more relief for you in preparation for when they do start going in maybe a year? A playgroup that'll take DD for a few hours a couple of days a week maybe?

RandomMess · 29/12/2013 08:25

I honestly think it could be a low level ear ache or something - it doesn't bother them so much when they are up or about but hurts more when laying down.

I remember a week of bad nights with one of mine and when I went to the dr in desperation it was viral earache! Another one was just always very unsettled when teething lots of waking up in the night but fine during the day presumably because they are distracted.

Original poster
MikeTheShite · 29/12/2013 09:53

thanks guys. She's in at the doctors.
I'm at college 9-6 on a monday so she goes to nursery then.Smile

OP posts:
JingleJohnsJulie · 29/12/2013 10:25

I'd still try to aim for 1.5 hour nap after lunch, she is very young to go without a nap altogether. Hope all goes well at the doctors.

bigkidsdidit · 29/12/2013 10:37

I think she's too little to drop a nap entirely particularly as she's been a good sleeper up till now. Could it be ears or teeth?

Original poster
MikeTheShite · 29/12/2013 10:46

well I did give calpol last night, shes in at the docs. She purely didnt have a nap yesterday as I couldn't get her down Sad

OP posts:
iwasyoungonce · 29/12/2013 11:04

Hi, I'm glad you're getting her to the doctors, worth checking her ears etc.

Just wanted to say that my DS turned almost overnight from a lovely placid gentle boy to a terror, at about that age. He also threw things, screamed etc., it was horrible! It was short-lived, and he eventually got back to his old self.

So all I'm really saying is that it's normal for them to go through these phases. It's them trying to assert themselves, I think. She will get back to normal!

You sound like a lovely mum, you're obviously worried, and it must be so hard when you're on your own. In my experience, the older they get the easier it gets. This age is really tough. Hang on in there!

StickChildrenTwo · 29/12/2013 14:00

I'm not sure if others have said the same but she sounds over tired to me. Our first DS would get up earlier and be really hard to settle if he got over tired. He got into a cycle of being grumpy, hard work and waking up at 4:45 every morning, only to whine and scream his way through the day and tantrum over everything. He was always a really hard work baby and needed a lot of input but would meltdown if he got over stimulated or if I didn't give him exactly what he wanted. DS2 is largely the same although has mercifully been a better sleeper !!!

I started a thread on here when DS2 was 18 months saying pretty much everything you've written here, about all the crying, screaming, tantrums, biting, hitting etc. I was really low and down and actually regretted having him at that point Sad . I adore him but he was making life so difficult for us and DS1. I hate that I ever felt that way about him and I feel so guilty.

With regards to the screaming and tantrums, as others have said, it sounds very normal at this age. A lot of people warned us about 'terrible twos' but for us it started much, much earlier (from birth practically!) They are so frustrated at their lack of language and understanding. By age 2 DS1 had mellowed and was talking well and seemed fairly easy compared to how hard he was at the stage you're at right now. The massive screaming fits calmed down and became fewer. He's 6 now and amazingly calm and a lovely 'easy' child talks for Britain though. DS2 is now just turned 2 and already a million times easier than he was a few months ago. I can see as his language improves, his temperament improves. Literally every day he gets easier.

This too will pass. Promise.

Pinkspottyegg · 29/12/2013 14:03

Not read all the other posts but I'm afraid it's all totally normal. They save their worst for their mums. This doesn't change with age. But you must be doing something right if she is so well behaved with others. There is no easy answer. Don't give in, be firm, walk away to another room if you can. It's a hell we all have to endure. Big hugs

StickChildrenTwo · 29/12/2013 14:07

Sorry forgot to say that DS2 doesn't hit or bite anymore. He prefers to argue instead .

Also we got around DS1's overtiredness by putting him to bed every night by 6:30pm. Sometimes putting them down a little bit earlier means they fight it less and are less likely to wake early.

I think it was a mixture of him sleeping better and his understanding getting better that eventually mellowed him. They all go through these phases though. Sometimes they just grow out of them whether you change their routine or not!

MinesAPintOfTea · 29/12/2013 14:18

DS (19 months) is normally a good sleeper and a placid child but over Christmas has been grumpy and not sleeping well sure to a disputed routine and unfamiliar faces. He's been good as gold in company though.

He still has a two hour nap most days and when he doesn't he has "quiet time" in his cot with soft toys for an hour or so. If he's not overtired he will happily chatter to himself whilst I'm in the next room, if he is overtired and the before nap routine didn't work I take him into the garden for 20 mins then do it again.

Original poster
MikeTheShite · 29/12/2013 14:24

Fantastic suggestions and reassurance. The doctor doesn't think its age just a stage and disruption of Christmas. She's been fantastic so far today and ive had help from my mum who lives quite far from us. Shes just asleep now and will wake her before three and see if that helps tonight Smile
Your reassurance has been amazing and done wonders for my mood and confidence in my parenting

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 29/12/2013 14:40

Aw, that's good to hear! I think it's just always good to know you are not totally alone! Glad your mum has been helping.
Just try all sorts, and see what helps. It's what everyone does really-no-one has all the answers.
If you haven't already, do investigate toddler groups in your area. I tried a couple (hated them!) but then found one in a childrens centre where the people were great-really mixed in terms of age and background, and not cliquey at all. That was when ds was around 18 months, and we went religiously until he was about 3 and a half. That place literally kept me sane, as I was also alone, and a student doing one day a week at college, and i really found that just turning up to toddler group after a bad night, having a cup of awful tea, and having someone to talk to helped massively.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 29/12/2013 14:41

You will look back on this period in your life and realise what a warrior you were by the way! Grin

StickChildrenTwo · 29/12/2013 14:51

Agree with the warrior comment ^ I feel like superwoman now I'm coming out the other side of it! I felt the same after DS1 but then decided to do it all again :/

It really is one step forwards, two steps back sometimes but eventually you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel!