Nearly 9yr old with ongoing bedtime issues.

[rainbowtexter]

Hello and Happy Christmas to everyone.
My daughter almost 9 still has issues going to bed. She is a very sensitive soul. She cries at HSM when the main characters split up, she cannot watch anything remotely scary. This is a bit of background really. Every single night for many years she procrastinates. Like every child that ever existed i hear you shout, agreed. However, we have been thru a few emotional upheavels and I have physical and mental health issues that mean it makes her life a little tricky sometimes. The mention of bedtime brings sneaky delaying tactics and often some very emotionally filled disclosures.
I am sad for her and want to get to the bottom of it so that I can help her. Any suggestions lovely mumnetters??

What time are you trying to put her to bed?

How much longer after you want her to be in bed is she actually settling?

I would bring forward the start of bedtime by the same amount with a simple explanation as to why.

Can you make her a checklist of things like drink, found a book, set aside 5/10 minutes just before the bed to chat about the day with an explanation that anything after times up will have to wait until tomorrow?

Does she actually struggle to drop off or is it just delaying the act of going to bed?

Hi and thanks for responding. She goes to bed at 7.30 with lights out at 8.30. This was to encourage wind down time so that 8.30 was the final goodnight. She is struggling to switch her head off and can still be awake anything from 9.30 - 11pm. She just lies there. So essentially there is two issues, the first getting her to go to bed and the second getting her to sleep.
She keeps saying that she is worried about bad dreams but she hasnt told me about bad dreams or anything.
My concern is that she has a full head and no idea how to talk about it all.

what about a special notebook for her to write down any worries, with a promise that you can talk about them over breakfast/dinner?

My ds sometimes has a favourite cd on quietly at bedtime, perhaps that could distract or relax her.
Maybe an audio book?

She does read which seemed to help for a bit. She wont confide in me as I am a single parent and as far as she is concerned she would never want to upset me in any way. Needless to say she is a bit of an angel child. Not because I sit in a corner and cry all the time, just because she doesnt like upsetting people. As such she also doesnt want to talk to family or friends (her dad is not involved in any way). She asked for a 'secret safe diary' for christmas which i have bought for her. Not that thats going to open up conversation..... its secret after all! :-(

She is 9. I would read it without hesitation if I thought by doing so I could help her.

How much sleep does she need? Sometimes going to be too early can make sleeping difficult. I'd try 8 for 9.

I wouldn't put up with any 'getting to bed' nonsense, but try to help her with the 'getting to sleep' bit. I am a terrible sleeper so not the best to advise on that bit though - but I'd try story CD (same one every night so it's not too interesting), soothing music, writing - reading doesn't work for me, I just get interested in the book and that's that - I'm awake until either the morning or the book is finished.

I agree with Chipping in that I would read it, and also the point that she just may not be tired.
If she's getting up easily in the morning then push bedtime back.

With regards to her not wanting to worry you.....could you talk to her about little things (very little so as not to give her more to dwell on), just which scarf to wear, then really big up how helpful it has been to ask her and hear what she thinks?

I like to meet children's needs. At 9 if my child was having trouble sleeping I would get into bed with her and stay with her untile she fell asleep- or let her sleep in my bed for a few weeks until she is feeling secure again.

Hi rainbow - can only advise based on my own experience at that age. I was a real worrier and struggled to get to sleep. I enjoyed reading though, and my parents encouraged me to read until I fell asleep and said it didn't matter when I fell asleep, reading was also resting. Somehow that really relaxed me. They'd come up at some point and removed my book and glasses, and switched off the light. Picking enjoyable, light-hearted books together also helped. Good luck!

PS: DH often has to remove my glasses and switch off the light now

I am so appreciative of the amazing suggestions from everyone here. I am certainly seeing a lot of things that make sense. I am going to sit with all the suggestions for a bit and then decided where to take it. Thank you once again, differing perspectives are so helpful x

Way too early and no need for a bed time routine for a 9y, just suggest bed about 8.30 and wander up about 9.30-10om and tell her lights out.

Don't force it and don't worry.

I get the feeling a lot of older primary DCs find getting to sleep difficult. DD1 and her DF both did.

DD2 would stay up later than she natural ought to have done, because she wouldn't go before DD1.

In the end they settle down. Even if like DD1 they settle to reading to midnight it's no longer a cause of stress, they don't appear down stairs in a grump saying they can't sleep.

Thank you all.

My 9 year old goes up to bed at 9 and goes to sleep around 10. She just isn't sleepy earlier. Maybe this is the issue for your dd?

you could try giving her a back massage while she is lying in bed. my dcs do massage at school. I often do one for them to help them relax. writing words /pictures/ letter by letter for her to guess is nice and relaxing too.