How do you differentiate between 'normal' behaviour and Mental Behavioural Issues???

[JodiA]

So, I'm literally going out of my mind now and need to hear from fellow mums who may have the same experience or be able to offer some advice etc.

My youngest has just turned 3 and he's always had a strong character and seems to have been going through the terrible two's since about 2! It's at the stage now though where he will wake up in the morning, whinge and whine ALL day, and I literally mean all day. If he wants something, he won't just ask, he'll whinge for it and then ask and ask again until he gets it, gets extremely frustrated if he can't do something, e.g. build something from his Lego, and then starts to throw it and other toys around the room. He was a 'head-banger' when he was a little-un in his cot, but grew out of that phase. He is at nursery 3 hours a day / 5 days per week and has a 6-year old brother.

I've recently done a Webster-Stratton parenting course to gain some tips, as he also wasn't sleeping well, and was in our bed for just short of 2 years. He now will sleep in his own room, but won't go to sleep until gone 9pm :o(

I have read the general symptoms for ADHD and the like, but a lot of them he doesn't have, like the staring, speech issues, playing with toy wheels etc, but it's his temper tantrums and constant frustration with everything that is really worrying me now. Do I have cause for concern or is he just being a typical 3-year old?

I also want to add that as much as I undoubtedly adore my little man, unfortunately I just can't have fun with him :o( He will not sit still for long periods of time, i.e. watch a film etc...

Anyone ??? Please

Knew I should've stuck to Netmums, at lease people take the time to reply when they can sense you're in need!

No, usually with NM's, I used to get replies quickly, doesn't seem that way here and I have stated, I already have a 6 year old and therefore have HAD the patience to deal with a 3 year old. If you have to get nasty, just jog on and don't respond to posts where you have no positive input

Give us a bit of a chance, I expect most people are busy with their own families today so probably less traffic on here than usual.

What you describe sounds normal for a 2/3 yr old. Mine is much the same. It doesn't scream ADHD to me - and I have it myself. It's not something that can be diagnosed via google or an Internet forum though so if you are concerned the first step is to contact your GP or hv.

Have you asked the nursery if they have any concerns?
Have you taken your worries to the GP and asked for advice?

I had one like that who also had an older sibling. they got better as they got older.

This too shall pass.

JodiA Please get Mumsnet to edit your title as it will be offensive to some people who may be able help you. I'm sorry that we have been slow to reply to you, but it is a busy time of year and most of us have our own children to look after.

Rather than using Dr Google, I suggest that you talk to a real human being like your child's key worker at nursery, GP or health visitor. It might be worth checking your child's hearing as glue ear can cause frustration and tantrums. If your child's behaviour was out of sync with age expectations a good nursery will have already noticed and offered to make suitable referals. (Ie. to the community paediatrian)

The terrible twos often last until four years old. It does get better.

I suggest that you change your title from

"How do you differentiate between 'normal' behaviour and Mental Behavioural Issues???"

to

"How do you differentiate between 'normal' behaviour and special needs???"

Its less inflamatory

Thanks for your replies, and yes sorry I was being a little impatient!

SilverApples when I mention his behaviour to nursery they are surprised as they tell me he is the opposite when in their care.

It's more his general personality than behaviour, he's just extremely short fused for a 3 year old!

I guess I'm wondering what the main traits of ADHD are, as I've read these online but not from anybody who actually has experience of it?? x

I would say he is tired, 5 days a week at nursery is a lot for a 3 year old. It suits some children but not all. Does he nap? Even every other day? Could you reduce his days to 3 days for a month or so to see if that helps. He is probably shattered from nursery and you're getting the brunt of it. My DS is 3 and is how you describe when tired but an angel when not so tired.

If nursery aren't concerned, I'd go with Clones opinion.
He's very young to be able to work out what is exhaustion, over-stimulation, reacting to a possible parenting style or signs of ADHD.
How does your partner feel about it, are they concerned?

Your ds sounds a lot like one of mine (mine is 2yo).

Although I find mine frustrating I'll offer you some advice that I believe would help.

First you need to define and list the worst behaviours very specifically (not "he's naughty" but "he is impatient when faced with a challenge") then brainstorm the behaviours you'd like to see (perseverance or whatever) then brainstorm activities etc that would demonstrate these skills.

Another idea which I am reluctant to suggest because it was suggested to me by a mentor of mine so I hope I don't mess this up is teaching focus/attention. I have begun regularly engaging 100% for short periods of time with my ds doing quick activities specifically related to my goal behaviours with no distractions and lots of positive reinforcement and I've already seen an improvement.

In regards to whether or not he has ADHD or not; what is your gut instinct telling you?

He sounds normal to me - have you read The Explosive Child? Might give you some ideas if he has a low frustration tolerance.

Valdeeves, thanks for that I'll look it up, may be worth a try before I go insane x

Are you encouraging the whinging? If he whines and whines till you eventually give in.

Never ever give in to nagging.

Can you try asking him nicely to ask nicely. He can only have something if he is polite.

Warn him if he demands again you will put him in timeout. Then follow through.

Is there any chance he is bored, wanting attention from you or generally not getting enough sleep?

If he can sit and concentrate at nursery it's quite a good sign that he has the potential to do the same at home.

Toecheese, thanks for your message and without sounding rude, your suggestions are the obvious, of which I've tried each.

I've recently attended a Webster Stratton parenting course, which gave some very valuable suggestions.

Time Out does not work for some children and in this case, does not with my youngest, nor do reward charts and the like, even taking toys away etc, unfortunately no consequence seems to phase him

Valdeeves - Googled Explosive Child and hey whattya know?! It's exactly my son!! Thank you so much for the idea, as that's what I've decided to use when I take him to the GP for an initial assessment