Urgent sleep advise needed- please! Zzzz

[Blondie276]

Hi all,
My DD is now 12 days old and since being home will not sleep at all at night. She sleeps perfectly during the day and is very content. She will sleep anywhere during the day- bouncer. On us, carry cot etc etc.
come night time she won't be out in her cot- and just moans all night and Is often wide awake.
The only way I can get any sleep is by having her sleep on my chest which I know is a real no no.
I am at breaking point as is my DH. We ensure she is fed, changed, winded yet she just won't settle and we have run out of ideas. She is breast fed and Is feeding well and putting in weight yet will cluster feed at night also which doesn't help. It's almost like she knows it's night time and is playing a cruel game bless her. Any advise would be greatly received before I loose the plot !

She just wants to be near you. She is only 12 days old. she can't see or hear very well and all she knows is you so suddenly being left in a cot or moses basket must be frightening. so if she is happy sleeping on you then go for it. She can sleep next to you in bed as long as neither of you smoke and have been drinking. If you're worried about squashing her then maybe your dh could sleep on the sofa for a bit?

my dd was at her happiest glued to my side at night. It doesn't make for great sleep but it's better than none. when you're ready you can practice gently transferring her back to the cot. and it didn't last forever.

what your dd is doing is perfectly normal and will pass. go with what she needs at the moment.

maybe you could leave her with dh in the evening and you can get some sleep. He can bring her up when she's ready for her next feed.

well done on maintaining breastfeeding. early days with a first baby are bloody tough and it's hard to adjust to the lifestyle changes but it will become second nature.

I'm sure there'll be lots of other excellent pieces of advice very soon

congratulations on the safe arrival of your dd!

Have you tried swaddling? Swaddle, get her to sleep in your arms and then transfer to her cot? Also, sleep when she does during the day if you can to recharge your batteries. whatever it takes to survive! Keep lights low at night and keep things boring, no chat etc and eventually being awake in the day will be more appealing. Good luck and enjoy your tiny baby!

I can say this as It's anonymous...
I'm a midwife OP, my 2nd DC was like you describe
She slept face down, on my chest for 14 weeks and still does at 11 months on occasion
You have to do what you can to get some sleep...

I'm afraid it's normal at this age, and there's not much you can do to change it - she will learn day and night naturally herself (honest!) but probably not for a few weeks. Nature designed it this way for a reason: in cave man days, night time was when the tigers were out looking for food. Babies needed to be being held by their mamas, not left lying on their own - as far as she's concerned, she's still potential tiger food. All her instincts are telling her that she's only safe when you're holding her, and at this age you can't really fight that. Plus, your milk production hormone is higher at night so this is when she "sets up" her milk order for the next day.

So you just have to survive it. If you can, kick DH into the spare room so he can sleep - then during the day he takes baby for a walk and does all the housework so you can rest. Prioritise sleeping over everything else. Read up on co-sleeping safely and see if it would work for you. It does get easier, honestly.

she's not playing a game. she doesn't even know she's a separate person from you so it's natural she wants to be held and needs reassurance from you. sleeping on your chest is fine I think as long as you're not sleeping in a chair or on a sofa. there are safe ways to co-sleep, do some research if you think this will work for you. I did it for 15 months with PFB and PSB is currently 14 months and we are slowly transitioning her to a cot beside the bed. it works for us because I can breastfeed in the night before either of us is fully awake. we all get more sleep that way. what I did in the early days was to set up the sofa for a nap in the evenings and I'd sleep while DH Sat and watched tv with DD asleep in his lap, he'd then wake me each time she needed a feed. I didn't feel I was 'missing out' and got a much needed snooze. is this something you could do? every stage seems so long at the time but in a year's time you'll be thinking back and you won't really remember this much at all, you'll be saying 'where's my baby gone?' they grow up so fast! hope you find some good tips here, but mine is do what works at the time to get the most sleep - even if it's a little habit you have to break later on

My daughter spent most of her first few weeks sleeping on my chest too

Sorry to say but it's what babies do. They just want to be near you where it's warm & familiar . No contest is that cot, basket ect. My lo is 9 months the newborn days are over in a blink honestly honestly enjoy and embrace .
Well done and congrats x