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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Where has my pleasant DS gone?

10 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/12/2013 19:18

DS turns 3 in a week. The past week has been like a complete personality transformation - and not for the better
DS used to be a really kind and 'sensitive' boy but is now being quite unpleasant. He has started spitting in defiance. Started using his considerable physical strength to pull/push me and DH. He has broken some Christmas toys already with no hint of remorse. He has started SCREAMING at full volume if things don't go his way - I mean, we've obviously had tantrums before but he's been easy to talk round and reason with. This screaming is unreal though!
It seems like naughty step, stern voice, all the usual suspects aren't having any effect and he just laughs in our faces.
Is this a common phase? He has had a bit of a cold and does suffer with severe glue ear but tells me his ears don't hurt so I'm not inclined to think its illness.
Any ideas on discipline techniques? I've tried ignoring bad and specifically praising good but I feel it's not doing anything and there is some bad behaviour - like the spitting, that I can't ignore?

OP posts:

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HalleLoujaItsChristmas · 26/12/2013 19:21

Threes are really bad. Much worse than twos in my experience. Sorry it will pass. My dc2 is three next year...

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/12/2013 19:23

I should add that he has a DSis of 11months but he's been fine since her arrival so im not sure he's suddenly bothered by her...

OP posts:

matana · 27/12/2013 08:26

I know the feeling op. Ds turned 3 in November and i'm finding him really hard work. He's always been a bit 'all or nothing' but he's developed into Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde! Poor dh bears the brunt of it. Ds is absolutely awful to him and i'm at the end of my tether not knowing what to do or how to respond. It feels like I've tried everything. You have my sympathy.

HalleLoujaItsChristmas · 27/12/2013 09:27

Quite a few of my friends found 3 much worse than 2. Nothing to do with having a new sibling. Mine did coincide with my DC2 being born.

Iheartcustardcreams · 27/12/2013 09:32

3 year olds are hard work. Much harder than the terrible two's in my opinion.

Ferguson · 27/12/2013 18:12

And I think Christmas might make things worse, as the excitement and stress is better understood as a child gets older.

De-fuse situations as much as you can, and try not to let conflict start. Provided behaviour is not TOO terrible, try to overlook more trivial incidents, but I agree, you can't ignore everything.

Pretty bad toys are broken! I can't recall our DS ever breaking anything.

ziggiestardust · 27/12/2013 18:18

I think that restraining is ok; like when he spits in your face, say 'no spitting, that is disgusting, you have earned a time out', then disengage with him, turn him round and sit down with him between your legs, facing away from you so he stays in time out. No matter the tantrum, hold him there (safe) until he's finished. Explain spitting is wrong, and so he earned a time out etc, get him to say sorry.

Repeat. Ad nauseum.

This has the handy bonus of being portable, so he can be placed in time out anywhere, and also; he cannot hurt himself.

Toys that are broken get put in the bin. Try to remove toys being played with too roughly before they break and tell him why.

Beastofburden · 27/12/2013 18:22

IME bad behaviour usually precedes a new life stage. They are almost ready to do bigger and more complicated things but not quite competent. Hence the frustration. You will get this in spades later- actually, I assumed,this was a teen thread!

My prescription would be lots of outdoor time, and if he behaves he is allowed to light a very small campfire and throw sticks onto it. Of if you can get to the beach, throwing stones into the water. Small basic pleasures with a hint of destruction.

ziggiestardust · 27/12/2013 18:38

beastofburden absolutely, we do this throwing stones into the sea, mainly. And chasing after small dogs (at a safe distance, all controlled, obviously!)

DS ran for 2 miles like this today on the beach. He is 3.2 and I never knew little legs could go so long and so fast! He has had a sudden streak of defiance and occasional, mild aggression lately, but I have heard somewhere that boys get a testosterone surge about this age? Don't know. It's been nothing major, but lots of him being convinced he's always right

GogoGobo · 27/12/2013 19:37

I am in exactly the same place OP and i am ashamed to say i have been reduced to screaming at just 3 yr old DS twice in the last month. I feel I am being tested like never before. He is demanding so much independance and some of it s not safe (I will cross the road on my own mummy/you walk behind me/I'll go the shop on my own!!! Etc) and when he can't exercise free will he melts down, gets angry/moody. It.Is.So.Hard. :(

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