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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my 5 year old dd cant make a decesion

11 replies

iWantChampagneOnColaBudget · 26/12/2013 19:02

obviously, nothing major, but if i put something (say fruit) in a plate, exactly the same as the other 2 plates (i have 3 dc), and call them to get their fruit / fruits ready, she really struggles to pick one, over thinking it, even though they're all the same.

its the same with books, (which one should i get, i dont know which one to choose, you tell me) or if she wants cheese on her pasta, if she wants cold or warm milk on her cereal- i want her to be confident and not over whelmed, what can i do to help her

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 26/12/2013 19:04

I'll be watching this because I'm 42 and find decision making very hard too ;)

Meow75 · 26/12/2013 19:19

And me. DH says "Tea or Coffee?" and I crumble. Hate making a decision in a restaurant - that was easier when there were loads of foods I didn't like. Oh the irony.

Bizarrely, it's inconsequential decisions I struggle with the most!!

FariesDoExist · 26/12/2013 19:56

I think I'd give her less choices to be honest, just hand the plate of fruit to her r just gve her warm milk. I don't think you can easily make someone be more decisive if they're not that way inclined.

BikeRunSki · 26/12/2013 19:57

My 5 yo ds is the same. His teacher is not concerned.

pigleychez · 26/12/2013 21:41

My 5 year old is the same. She struggles with decisions as she overthinks things. If people then hurry her shes just panics and bursts into tears!

Can be super frustrating!

ktef · 27/12/2013 05:20

My five year old ds2 is like this too. Ask him what he wants for breakfast and he can't decide. Push him to hurry up and he says "I don't know I'm thinking". Push him again and he gets stressed "i'm thinking!". I find it super frustrating when we are in a rush, so it's good to read this to remind me he is not maybe doing it on purpose.
But any ideas on how to help him anyone? It generally doesn't work making the decision for him as he just says he doesn't want whatever I've decided on. But then he says he doesn't know what he does want. Aaaargh!

justwondering72 · 27/12/2013 07:24

patience.I don't think it's any different to learning to tie shoe laces or pull a jumper on. they need time to practice making decisions just like they do any other skill. would you stand over them and hassle them into doing their laces up when they are still practising it? my advice would be keep it to very simple choices. breakfast I just serve, no choices. cheese on pasta? serve the pasta with some grated cheese in a bowl on the side, let her choose herself. clothes, I just put out and if either dc want something different they go and get it themselves.

Goldmandra · 27/12/2013 14:01

Children can feel very anxious about making decisions because to choose one option is to discard something else and it is the discarding which makes them anxious.

Reduce the number of choices she needs to make as justwondering says. The less anxious she feels, the more she will cope with the decisions she does have to make.

Original poster

iWantChampagneOnColaBudget · 27/12/2013 14:45

very reassured that its a common situation

shes very quiet, and i think this is an extension of her personality, i just want her to not feel anxious at making a choice

OP posts:

Ferguson · 27/12/2013 18:04

Easiest solution: not to give her the choices, just present her with what YOU think she will prefer; then, if she gets fed up with that scenario, she might learn to decide for herself.

Personally, I feel other replies are reading too much into this: I am slightly that way inclined myself, but because I want to be sure I am getting the BIGGEST portion, or the one with the MOST chocolate on, or the BEST book, or whatever.

Simple greed, really!

Goldmandra · 28/12/2013 00:23

I want to be sure I am getting the BIGGEST portion, or the one with the MOST chocolate on, or the BEST book, or whatever

That's exactly what makes children of this age anxious. By making the choice they are ruling out one option which may, later, turn out to have been the best one. It's a gamble lots of children can't cope with when it happens a lot.

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