Behaviour changes in children since separation

[Suffdad79]

I would be interested to know if the behaviour that I'm seeing in my children is typical of children going through a divorce (let's be honest, they go through it too with even less say than those of us who have been left).
DS is 5 and DD is 7 - turning 8 very soon.

A bit of background: Out of the blue in April their mother decided our marriage of 5 years was over. There was no discussion, no reasoning with her and she moved with breakneck speed. Since then, the marital home has been sold and we share the children between us but are not on particularly good terms. The children are also moving schools after Christmas since she has decided to move towns to be closer to her boyfriend - see what I mean about 'breakneck speed'?? ;-)
Actually, this has worked out well for me because the children are now closer to me and their new school is round the corner.

Anyway, me and the kids recently went on holiday to Disneyworld for 3 weeks. It had been planned for ages but, because of what my ex has done, she obviously was no longer welcome - by me and the friends we were going with.

It being Disneyworld in the run up to Christmas, it was a magical time and the kids certainly seemed to enjoy themselves a lot of the time.

But both kids were incredibly argumentative with each other, they would start arguments over the most ridiculous of things, they were extremely unreasonable and demanding and we had several episodes of complete meltdowns.

It's very difficult to talk to them about things as they don't appear to want to and I don't want to force them to discuss it. I just wanted them to have a good time. But I have to do something to address their behaviour.

One thing that I have considered is that maybe they were feeling guilty for having fun. When they facetimed the ex, she ended up crying and that had to have had an effect on them surely?? DS especially didn't know how to deal with her crying so he left the iPad and walked away.

After all that rambling, I guess what I really want to know is whether this is to be expected and what I can do about it.

Ds1 was very unsettled after his dad left us when he was 5. It affected his schooling for about a year before and after the split.

Having said that the 'run up to Christmas' can be a stressful time for kids on terms of keeping their excitement to normal levels - ds2 aged 11 was winding me and himself up into a fervour of excitement.

Sibling bickering on holiday is also something I'm familiar with, so it's probably a combination of things.

Just give them as much stability as you can and let them know you always love them even if/when they're not being very likeable.

Thanks for the advice. I tried ensuring that I was giving my time equally, not rewarding bad behaviour and doing positive reinforcement whenever I could - it was pretty exhausting and I just wanted them to have fun.

We're also off on another holiday in May - i organised it to cheer me up and have something to look forward to so I will hopefully get the kids to feel more comfortable and stable between now and then.

Doesn't help that i really dislike their mother for doing all this..

Being a 35 year old who's parents have just split up & moved on at breakneck speed, I think you just need to stick with it & give them stability.

Them arguing may be them testing each other a bit. I couldn't have got through the last 6 months without my big bro, but being a grown up I can just trust him, but in the same way toddlers test the boundaries they may be on that with each other? Pop psychology, but it's all I got!

It may be worth getting them to talk about it a bit with you. I have a number of fears about my parents break up eg not seeing them in the same room ever again, which play on my mind. Also I really don't enjoy my Dad (in this case the guilty party) using me to get info on my mum. Both of which I've not told them cos they haven't asked me. Also, you coud ask them about the last holiday before the next one & see if they want to FaceTime their mum next time so you can work on the ground rules with your ex in advance.

Don't feel bad. Just be there for them whilst they learn to adjust to the new situation.