Self exploration / masturbation

[nataliesmile]

We have just found a video on my step sons blackberry tablet of him masturbating and saying "hello ladies". He appears to be filming himself. He starts at his face and then films his genitals. He is 6 years old. We are obviosuly concerned about this and i wondered if anyone else has experienced this?

We know children do touch themselves as they learn about their bodies but it is the fact he has filmed himself and the languge he uses "hello ladies" "my name is xxx" that we find concerning.

Any advice greatly appreciated xxx

Well thanks for all your advice. We have spoken to his mum and we share some of the concerns you have all raised. Its difficult being a step mum and knowing when and when not to intervene. We have spoken to him etc and will keep an eye on the situation. I'm sure you can all appreciate how sensitive this issue is and i do appreciate your feedback x

This waa our concern too. Thought he may have seen something. He said he hasn't but we're not sure

Thank you. My first instinct was to contact social services

I wish i knew. That is the main concern for me here. Thanks

Hi its a blackberry tablet. I agree with you though. He does seem to play games on it but i did raise concerns about parental controls etc. Its difficult as his mum gotnit for him.

Thank you. Great advice. We did speak to him butnhe didn't really say much. He said he hadn't seen anyone else doing it and wasn't sure why he had done it. I am very concerned and have told him he can talk to me or his dad about anything.

Thank you. I will contact them x

I don't mean to over react but I find that really disturbing, It will certainly make me double check all parental controls on anything connected to
the internet tomorrow (even the bloody DSi connects to the internet)

Hi thanks. We sat him down and reminded him that his privates are private and asked him why he filmed himself, did he understand what he was doing etc. We also asked his older siblings if they had noticed anything or had any concerns. Its difficult because he is young and we don't want to scare him but we do want to make sure he is safe.

We also spoke to his mum and she wasn't aware of the video or anything he could have seen. I'm not sure if she has spoken to him

Yes i think you should. I am really concerned about what he could have seen / be mimicking. Thanks

Well, a 12 year old can be taught about safety a lot better than a 6 year old Brian but I'm not saying 12 is the magic age, it's just an age where it would seem a lot more appropriate than 6 years old.

Thats what parental controls are for Gimme. So they don't access the internet. No need to worry about internet safety then.

Nataliesmile-"We sat him down and reminded him that his privates are private and asked him why he filmed himself, did he understand what he was doing etc."

I don't think a 6 year old is capable of understanding this whole thing- they don't need explantions- they are far too young to be aware of or understanding pornography.
What they do need is protection from it- protection from seeing it and protection from the tools to film themselves in this way.

I am sure you could disable the camera. That would solve the immediate problem but you have bigger issues going on

You mentioned older siblings. Is one of them a young male by any chance? If so then probably time for dad to step up to the mark and have a chat about appropriate behaviour!

I think this is very worrying - oversexualised behaviour is a concerning sign. Please do seek help beyond mumsnet.

(I don't mean masturbating by the way, I mean the way he has linked it to sexualisation)

I would be very concerned about the 'style' of it - he's obviously seen stuff he shouldn't have seen :( It's difficult to get to the bottom of it with a 6 year old and him having two homes makes it a bit more difficult as well - I hope between you all you can sort it out.

Explorative behaviour is normal but this isn't. I would be least concerned if he and a little mate of a similar age did this together and were 'playing out' stuff they have inadvertently seen.

If he is playing this out on his own, it's much more worrying. you might want to tentatively find out. If he is doing this on his own he's seen this material more than once, certainly.

They shouldn't be seeing stuff on line. We know this God, I remember me and a little mate getting hold of porn magazines when we were 7. I lived in fear and shame for years, scared to death that we'd be found out for the things that we got up to!!

@Msmiggins yes. I agree. What i meant was we used the NSPCC Pants guide to help him understand about keeping his privates private and being able to talk to us if he was worried about anything. @Maisie22 dad is very active in the kids lives and has spoken to the older ones (prior to this and since) about appropriate behaviour and not exposing him to things that are not suitable etc. It is difficult as we only have then weekends and a few days in the week so we are not their more constant influence but we try very hard to make them feel loved and able to speak to us freely.

Everyone else, thanks so much for your advice. We did contact child line and social services (because of all the reasons you have already said) they didn't share our concerns but will speak to the mum and offer her advice about exposure to appropriate things etc.

We will keep ensuring that we are open and encourage the kids to talk and hopefully this was a one off. I am still very concerned and if necessary we will involve social services again.

Once again, thanks. I got some very useful advice here