How do you encourage a new baby to sleep in his own bed?

[puntasticusername]

DS2 was born three days ago - and is wonderful and adorable in every respect

At present he is co sleeping with me - as is only right and proper for such a teeny tiny person. We have a co sleeping cot set up next to the bed but so far he's not keen to venture into it. I've experimentally tried putting him down in it - when I think he's in a deep enough sleep not to mind, and after rubbing the mattress to warm it a little - but he instantly wakes and will not resettle until he's back in body contact with someone.

As I say, this is quite fine for now, and I wouldn't want or expect anything else from a newborn, but I'd like him to get happy about sleeping in his own bed fairly soon ideally - I want him close by but I also need to be able to relax and move around in my sleep if I'm to sleep properly myself - can't do that while I'm worried about rolling on him, or about him getting smothered in our heavy covers. also urgently need to be able to reestablish marital relations with MrPunt after months of pregnancy celibacy - now I'm myself again I mean to wear the man down to a nub

So, at what point and how might I go about encouraging DS to sleep in his own cot? I cannot remember at all how we did this with DS1 three years ago. I seem to recall he was sleeping happily in it within a couple of weeks, but have no idea how we achieved this.

Thanks!

I have had 2 babies who have been very different from each other in this respect. One was never happy in her cot and we ended up cosleeping, the other through keeping trying has turned out to sleep well in his cot. I am sure some people will come along and give you some tips about how to encourage a baby to sleep in his cot. For what it's worth, my view is that you should make things as easy as you can for yourself. I have known people who have had really difficult nights for a long time because they have been determined not to co sleep. If your baby really resists his cot I would take measures to make cosleeping work ( such as get a bigger bed or partner on camp bed at side which we did for a while) rather than waste your energy fighting it.

Thanks, yeah there will be an element of experimenting and seeing what works with this one and what doesn't, I'm sure. I just wish I could remember what we did last time! I did suddenly recall that we used to warm DS1's bed with a hot water bottle, which got it snuggly enough that he didn't mind leaving an adult's body heat to go into it. Will keep thinking and trying things

If it's any help I found that DS would settle in his own bed better at certain times than others. To start he would t leave me so we co slept. Then as he got bigger he'd go in his bed at some naps, then he'd happily go in his bed apart from in the wee hours. Now, at 12 weeks he's in his bed all the time - unless of course we're out! I've just, today, moved him into his cot as he started waking himself up banging the sides of his crib.
It'll come. Just try sometimes and if it's easier sometimes to have LO with you then do it.

Yeah, I am possibly over thinking this given that he's only four days old yet...at present he flatly refuses to go down by himself, but he is also much troubled by wind so undoubtedly feels better for being held upright than laid down, just from that pov. And anyway look at him, he's such a wonderful cuddly little bundle, I'd be foolish not to want to cuddle him all I can!

Though OTOH DH is concerned about the safety of co sleeping, and I want cuddles with him, the ability to sleep in different positions and also maybe the odd glass of wine - I don't dare drink at all while we're co sleeping.

It's coming back to me, what we did with his big brother - it was co sleeping all the way to begin with, and the midwife suggested making his Moses basket more appealing by making it smell of me, so I pinned up used breast pads around the edge and tucked my own teddy in (yes? What?) with him.

I then used to feed him to sleep in the evenings, wait until he was in a deep sleep then lay him down in his hot-water-bottle-warmed bed - sometimes this would work and other times he'd still end up in with me, but it improved over time. Only ever worked at night to begin with though, daytime naps in bed took a lot longer to establish.

If anyone has any other ideas and/or experience to pass on, I'm all ears!

we made sure the cot/moses basket was warm and yes to leaving something smelling of you in it, I left a worn T shirt of mine. we have a cold house, old Victorian thing which is a nightmare to heat, and resorted to a down sleeping bag from stokke to keep DD warm, they are expensive but we found it well worth the money as she settled in it really well.

Yeah, I've got a sheepskin in the basket now - really nice and snuggly.

We had one successful effort the night before last, where I laid him down asleep and he stayed there for a whole...45m, so just until the end of his next sleep cycle I guess, but it's a start!

Have called a halt for now as the poor little thing has managed to catch himself a cold, so he's very bunged up and somewhat fretful - doesn't seem like the right time for it. Will have another go once he's feeling better.

We tried every trick and the only things that worked were swaddlIng and just giving it time. We tried every night and set ourself a time limit, I.e - if she wasn't asleep by 11 she would come into bed with us - this kept us trying rather than assuming she just wouldn't, but stopped us getting stressed with it as well. By about 3 weeks old she was going to
sleep in her own basket every night, and then coming into our bed during the night, a few weeks later she was in it all night.

She still needs to be swaddled though at nearly 3 months.

We seem to be making progress! As of Xmas Day he has been happily settling in his Moses basket in the living room for daytime naps. The later in the day it gets, the less keen he is - yesterday he wouldn't settle in it at all at 5/6pm, but by then he'd been awake three hours and much handled by his grandparents, who were seeing him for only the second time (so I wasn't going to channel the maternal tiger and make them put him down!) so that's not surprising I guess. I just let him go to sleep on me in the end.

I was hoping that would mean he was well-rested enough to give his bedroom cot some consideration last night, but sadly not. There was no way he was settling anywhere other than in my arms. But we'll keep trying and I'm sure it will all improve in time.

Many thanks for all the support and reassurance, I really appreciate it!

I had one of those co sleeper cribs but DS wouldn't contemplate going in there for first week, so I stopped trying and we co slept for 5 weeks, him falling asleep in me then me gently rolling him onto the mattress next to me. He also hated the pram that whole time so I used the sling for naps. Then at 5 weeks I decided to try the co sleeper again and he was fine. Slept in it until he was 6 months. He then got used to the pram and I used that for naps. I guess he was just more ready by then.

Him falling asleep ON me I meant

I'm well impressed you're even thinking about marital relations after 3 days op! Hope you continue progress on the sleep front.

Sorry this is way tmi but...yeah, I don't know if it's because the birth was relatively easy or what but...I just could not WAIT. Let's just say it was a very merry Christmas chez Punt

Latest update - some naps happening in cots but some still in arms - sometimes for the greater good eg if we get DS2 settled to sleep with DH around 5.30-6, I know he'll easily sleep for an hour and that frees me up to have some quality time with DS1, giving him his bath and reading him his bedtime stories.

Still exclusively co sleeping at night though. DH starting to annoy me a little actually - every time we settle down together he says "Oh, aren't you putting him in his cot? Ok, make sure you don't squash him then"