Fed up!

[Happydaze77]

Whenever I take dd (13mths) to any groups or activities she is always the one who becomes unsettled. Unlike the other docile and stupid babies she won't sit still for more than about 30 seconds at circle time and always gets fractious. I'm sick of being the one that all the others mums look at. Even if they're not thinking unkind thoughts I still hate all the attention that dd brings.

I love her to bits but she has always been like this and I'm depressed at the thought that this is what I am stuck with, while everyone else's babies appear piss-easy by comparison. I'd love another dc but I really don't feel I could manage.

I've tried to talk to dh about it (he never takes her anywhere other than a short walk in the pushchair) but his only response is ''well stop taking her if it gets you that upset''. Great - so we're just meant to stop in all day every day then?! I did this for a few months when she was younger and I nearly went crazy.

Sometimes I ask myself 'why were we given the bum deal'? I feel so guilty for thinking like this too as I know there are people a lot worse off than us, people whose babies are ill for example.

I'm not sure why I've written all this, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. As I've just said to dh, if I haven't got him to talk to then who have I got? !

I really wouldn't fret that others are thinking bad of you about your baby's behaviour.

Their babies might wind up being the toddlers who hit, push and bite.

Everything is a stage. She'll move on from it.

I hated baby groups and never went. How about just out for a coffee with a friend?

Godrest I'm worried that she may a biter and a hitter, given her highly strung nature. She's always been the same.

She's like this if I go anywhere - including just for coffee - she's bored in her buggy unless it's moving and, unless she'll sleep, we're limited to 15 minute car journeys. I feel so trapped!

Just take her out. So she kicks off? So what?

All kids do it. Trust me on this.

Take back control. You're letting a 13 month decide your activities. It's not up to her. It's up to you.

Don't really have any advice but just wanted to say that I sympathise, "spirited" (as they are so kindly called...) babies are hard work! Your husbands advice (to stay in) is very unhelpful, and it also sounds like he needs to get more hands on. This would give you a break but also, I sometimes find that my baby will be angelic for my husband when he's being very naughty with me!

On another note... All those people with easy babies will probably be in for a treat later on in parenthood (terrible two's, awful teenagers etc!). And even if not, perhaps some easy babies do just grow up to be unremarkable (boring!) adults, whilst you are raising a unique, strong-minded, and strong willed individual. I know which I would prefer! Count your blessings xxx

My Dd was like that. All the other mums had placid kids and sat there with their coffees while i bounced, jiggled and handed over 25 items a second. I just said to myself did i want a boring child or a lively interested one.... (not that i really think they're boring but it helps to see the good sides of your own child!)

if it helps, Dd may be easily bored and not liking waiting quietly, but now at 2.9, she is more likely to sing along than the other kids in a group, and she has never bitten or hit anyone - I can't see why you'd think there was any correlation? Anyway, i don't think that sort of thing is a general character trait, just more of an experimental phase some kids go through.

Can you try having a sympathetic parent with a child of similar age round to your place, and see how the two kids get on? Have a stimulating toy or activity available and see if she share it with the visitor.

Maybe she just doesn't like being in other buildings, but might cope better at home.

I think it maybe means that your child is smart and spirited because she wants a lot of stimulation and interaction. Like you say, she's not "docile" and I'll bet she grows into a really interesting person! It's tough on you now, but this is the most intense stage - where they need so much attention, love, patience, it's just exhausting and never-ending! But she won't always be a baby /toddler and things will get easier. I can relate to getting annoyed at people staring. The other day, my daughter did this excited roar when the train arrived - This lady with a "docile" child looked over at us with raised eyebrows, like it's a crime to get excited....

I think my daughter might be shaping up to be like this. She's only 3 months but already seems to get bored quickly, if that's even possible!

That's what I'm hoping for hmmmum!

Just re-read my first post: 'docile and stupid' may have been a little harsh. I guess I am just bitter!

If she bites or hits remove her from the situation and take her home if it is a second offence.

The best thing you can do is be calm and unflustered. They do pick up on feelings.

My second boy was more whizzy and is quite bright, empathic, creative and mentally agile years down the line.

My eldest is docile, bright but lazy

Op I can understand why you feel like this - no one likes to feel like their child is being disruptive or difficult, particularly in a social environment. I've had occasions with my two boys (20 months & 33 months) where I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole but then I remind myself that they are very, very young children. Certain environments are new and scary to them, so are some people - periods of stranger anxiety etc. Then they go through stages of biting or being a bit pushy (both very natural stages by the way but quite cringe worthy) when learning social interaction with other children, or trying to grasp how to share. Some climb, some throw things and the list goes on. Children are all unique so try to embrace who your little girl is and don't compare her to other kids. I'm sure there must be lots about her character that you absolutely adore, focus on this and sod what any semi-strangers may or may not think. This isn't bad behaviour, she's just not happy in that environment. You're probably worrying about it more than the other mothers in the group are incidentally. I'd do as some of the others have suggested and try smaller group activities where she can play alongside or with other little ones her age. It's always an easier situation to manage when in a smaller, friendlier group. Good luck x

I sympathise! Both of my boys have been sensitive/ fractious babies and always needed a lot of input from me. U was always the one walking around bouncing and trying to soothe DS1 when he was a baby and trying to distract him from having a meltdown as he got older. DS2 has been similar. Always on the edge of crying/ fussing/ causing a scene because the just need endless stimulation and never ever sat still. I felt the same as you 'why did we get the bum deal?!' It seemed I was run ragged while everyone else sat there with placid smiley babies on their laps. Mine never sat still on my knee, ever!

Good news is that it doesn't last forever. I remember thinking DS1 must have had something developmentally wrong with him because he seemed so hyper and over sensitive. As he's grown he's just settled (or maybe all the other placid babies caught him up and became little terrors too ) He's actually never been a hard work child which considering the sort of baby/ toddler he was I am amazed! He's beautifully mannered, very gentle and extremely clever and articulate. I have a theory that hard work toddlers are actually just independent and clever, always on a quest to learn and tough everything! DS2 is 2 and still very highly strung and seemingly grumpy by his limitations at times but he's a million times better than he was at 13 months and I can see him growing and developing into a beautiful little boy too. Just wait it out. Don't blame yourself and know that it will get better. Now I look at all my friend's children who were so easy as babies and just am so grateful that I got my Ds's. The hard work pay off in the long run, I promise!

I think maybe you need to go to different types of groups, the sit in a circle kind obviously don't suit your DD's personality. We go to a music one where the children dance along to the music and get to use props/musical instruments etc. You could also try a 'tumble tots' style session, with equipment for them to use and soft play shapes to clamber over. Even a general play session would be better where toys are provided and the kids do their own thing as you wouldn't feel like she was being disruptive then. Also messy play if she likes exploring? Have you got a local children's centre as these are the sorts of sessions they are likely to do.
She sounds lovely, btw, full of wonder at the world and a thirst for knowledge

I don't think yo uhave been given a bun=m deal, you just have an energetic daughter- try to see that in a positive light.
Many 3 year olds won't sit for circle time, and although it is important as they approach school age I feel it's a lot to ask of a 13 month old baby.
Try taking her to soft play, most los enyoy the ball pit and big foam shapes- does she like swimming? What about the local library? Many have a little toddler section where she can explore books and a few sit on toys- most have singing sessions. Even a dance class- we have a Baby steps dance class in our area for tiny ones upwards where they can learn to have fun to music.
TRy to find something she does enjoy.

Totally sympathise my dd1 was "high maintenance" never happy to be in pushchair very long and could bet money she would be the most disruptive at baby groups, all friends babies were so easy and literally just seemed to sit there doing nothing and I, like you remember wondering why I had the nightmare child! Of course I am bias but now 3 she is the loveliest, brightest, friendly, lively child, I think its a sign of personality!