Behaviour problems

[Truelove2010]

Don't know if write place or not having really bad problems with 8 year old daughter we have tried everything to help with her behaviour like reward chats but nothing works.

No matter what you ask her to do she always says no and the stomps about shouts and screams if she doesn't get what she wants also has started to hiting things and herself when she gets frustrated when she is asked to do something or is asked a question that she doesn't like if we don't answer her with the correct tone of voice she goes crazy shouting we don't care and it doesn't matter

She has speech development which she is still attending therapy for but isn't working we thought she might have ADHD as we done the question air online as she was showing all signs but she does not show these signs in school or with anyone else just us

I am at breaking point at the moment she just had a outburst there when we were about to play a game as she new the rules and we were to listen to her way of doing it she started throwing things about her room sorry about the long post appreciate any advice.

Hi - rather sad for you, and for her, especially with Christmas coming up.

Is she in Yr 3 at school, and what's her work, behaviour, and friendships like at school?

I was a TA and also voluntary helper in schools for twenty years or more. So I was used to children who couldn't behave very well at school, but not very much experience of it in the home environment.

But I always think children don't really WANT to be in trouble all the time, or upsetting family or teachers. Often some situation has unsettled or worried them, and they don't have the experience or vocabulary or confidence to talk about it.

How long has she been behaving like this; has anything changed in her life; are there brothers or sisters at home; what toys, dolls, games etc does she have; does she see too much TV or computer games etc?

You say you were 'just about to play a game' and SHE wanted to control the rules. Wouldn't it be easier if you gave in to her on things like that (which aren't really terribly important) rather than frustrate her and have a big confrontation?

Often at school teachers and TAs would overlook minor poor behaviour incidents, with children who we knew were likely to 'kick off' and save the discipline for more important matters.

What is her speech and communication like now she is older?

If you can answer some of these questions for me, I'll see if I can think of how we might be able to help her a bit.

Thank you for your reply

Yeah year 3 she doesn't seem to finish work or home work she is constantly fidgeting and can't seem to concentrate for any length of time even if in cinema she needs to get up and down or talk through it. The teacher says her behaviour in school is fine it's just lack of concentration she learns something in school and by the time she gets home has forgot about it so it's difficult to get homework done.

Friendships she has a few friends but is really bossy and complains if they don't don't do what she wants to do she has a 2 year old brother who she is the same with of he won't give her a kiss she starts moaning

Her speech is still not great if she meets new people they can't understand her so when anyone asks her a question she will look at us to answer she has seen a specialist speech therapist which has not helped so waiting for another referral Thanks again

She probably gets frustrated when she can't communicate easily, and maybe that makes her feel she isn't as clever as other kids.

What sort of things does she like, in the way of toys, activities; does she do any construction or junk modelling at home? Does she dance, or play any instrument? As a TA I taught recorder for ten years, also did percussion with Yr2, coaching them to accompany the Christmas production. I always think 'creative' activities can be good for children.

What does she hope to get for Christmas?

(Getting late, so I'll try and come back tomorrow.)

Cheers