Toddler only wants DH

[Breadrollsbuns]

I have just had DS2 (4 months old),and DS1 (23 months) has been brilliant - no jealousy, loves his brother etc. However, he has become incredibly clingy to DH. He's always had a soft spot for his Dad, but it's now got to the stage that he won't come to me at all when DH is around and will hit me and scream for DH if I take him 'away' for a bath etc. It's fine when DH isn't around (although he still chants 'dada' constantly), but when DH is around, it's as if I don't exist. Worse actually, it's as if I'm a stranger.

My rational mind knows that this must be connected to the baby, who is permanently attached to me (am bf, which doesn't help, as nobody else can feed him). I'm sure DS1 just wants a parent all to himself and that's where the behaviour stems from.

However, I'm devastated. I can't seem to get past it - it's as if all of the time and love that I've devoted to DS1 has meant nothing and I've lost my place in his life. I know this is about DS1 and not me, but I'm so worried that I've lost my bond with him forever. Please somebody tell me that he still knows I'm his Mum and that I'll get him back one day

There is nothing funnier than a toddler they change from day to day, next week he will be different again!

Thanks sonlypuppyfat, but it's been going on for months and is only getting worse, which is why it is getting me down

Oh thats a shame, can someone have the baby will you do something fun with your son even if its just sitting on the floor playing or reading a story.

It's a phase - it will pass, I promise. In the meantime enjoy the extra rest and allow DH to cater to DS's every whim!

Hi bread, just to reassure you that DD went through this phase too and at 4.11, still does on and off. DS 2.2 does this too, this month it's all me - only I'm allowed to get him out the bath and dress him at the moment. Who knows why? I think it's just down to their growing independence and them realising they have the "power" to control a situation.

It won't affect your bond, in a couple of months time your DP might be out of favour and you'll be back in. Try not to over think it, it'll come right soon enough. And in no time at all your DS2 will be able to sit independently freeing your arms a little. If you're not already, can you arrange some time where your DP has DS2 while you have DS1 all to yourself for a bit to play or go to the park?

My 2.8 year old DD is like this with her Dad. Says I want dadda - don't want mamma' when DH is around!! Throws herself at the door in a tantrum when he leaves the room often. We have an 11 month old DD and it started around the time she was born though they play together and DD1 is loving towards her sister. I put it down to her being a Daddy's princess mixed with a bit of rivalry with her younger sister. Interesting to hear that your son does it too. DD1 can be very loving towards me, toddlers are a bundle of contradictions I am sure it is just a phase, with your DS too!

You are on maternity leave or SAHM? DH works?
He's a novelty!!!
My DD is like this!

Honestly, don't take it personally. They pretty much all go through this stage, whether they have a sibling or not!!! - it's up to you how much you indulge it/ignore it. BUT I'd make the most of it if I were you, it wont last! It could be worse you know - my friend has two the same age as yours & neither of them want their Dad at the moment, to the point of screaming, the poor bloke is taking it very personally & is very upset & she is on her knees!!

It's so a phase, it may last a while but don't worry. DD1 was and still is a mummy's girl at 6 but happy to spend lots of quality time with dad. DD2 found her niche as a daddy's girls straight away. At almost 3 DD2 is now developing significant skills at playing mum and dad off against each other.

In my experience being a parent requires a thick skin sometimes. As someone else has said enjoy not being at the beck and call of two for a while. Your still mum to both and they love you.

P.s at the turning down of DD2 request for jelly beans for breakfast, she pootled off to find daddy to announce 'I just don't really like mummy'. Thick skin mode!

*slimyak8 LOL at 'I just don't really like Mummy'!! My 2.8 year old says similar things and plays us off against each other too.

It is a phase and it will pass I assure you. When dd2 was born after a few weeks dd1 would get really upset if dp did anything with dd2 she would always say no mumm do it or dd to go to mummy, you play with me. All she wanted was dp - I gathered that she understood that the baby needed me (also bf) but she still wanted dp all to herself.

Now dd2 is slightly older (9m) and can keep herself entertained and is in some sort of routine dd is much better.

My ds is def a daddy's boy and this week it's shot up a gear - he won't let daddy out of his sight and it causes epic meltdowns if dh has to leave the room. He won't come near me and is constantly begging daddy for cuddles. He's 21 months. I know it's normal but I feel incredibly hurt and unloved and want to cry 'but I'm the one who grew you, I'm the one who suffered for 9 months, why don't you love me anymore??'

I'm not sure how I missed these responses, so very sorry for not responding until now

I really appreciate hearing all of your experiences and advice, it has made me feel a lot better. My rational mind knows that it's a phase/he doesn't mean it/it's connected with the baby, but sometimes it's easier to indulge my irrational mind and wallow a bit!

Mean, I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with this as well. He does love you, and it's because he's so secure in your relationship that he is able to behave this way

Wolfiefan, I am on maternity leave and DH travels a lot, so you are absolutely right.

slimyak8, slip some pureed sprouts into DD's lunch to wreak revenge!