15 week old and sleep - am I doing it all wrong?

[NoisyBrain]

I'm feeling a bit confused re my DS's sleep habits, or rather our handling of them. So far we've just been going with the flow and tbh it's worked for us but I've read so much conflicting advice about when/if you should sleep train, my head is spinning!

We (DS and I) get up for the day at around 9am. Sometimes it's earlier, sometimes later - well we have no other DCs to get out the door so that suits me fine while I'm still on maternity leave!

DS usually has a nap about an hour and a half after waking. I hold him and sing to him til he's asleep then put him in his moses basket. The morning nap lasts for between 15 and 45 minutes, rarely longer.

He then has 3-4 more naps throughout the afternoon, with some variation depending on where we are etc. None last longer than an hour generally. The only time he'll fall asleep without being held is in the car or pram. The few times I've tried putting him down awake and singing to him/patting him he just ended up going into meltdown. I once managed to shush him back to sleep when he woke soon after being put down asleep, but only because he didn't get too upset. I just don't have the heart to let him scream for any time at all. Please reassure me we're not 'spoiling' him by doing it this way!

In the evening he still cluster feeds to some extent, so we haven't really tried to implement an early bedtime. He feeds roughly every 1.5 hours from about 5pm until about 10.30. So, he goes to bed after his last feed, usually just before 11pm. Again, we put him down when he's already asleep. We've tried putting him down earlier but it's pointless - he just wakes up hungry an hour or so later. Once he's down for the night he usually sleeps for 7-8 hours, sometimes longer.

My feeling is that while he's still cluster feeding there is no point in trying to put him to bed any earlier than he currently goes. I'd be interested to hear if anyone has had a similar experience of having a cluster feeder and when you managed to move their bedtime forward. I'm not bemoaning my and DP's lack of an evening, it's not really stressful having DS up with us, but it would be nice to get him down for the night by say 9.00.

I hope all that makes sense!

'Spoiling' a baby is not possible

Sounds good to me - mine didn't do 7-8hrs at night until they were at least 9mo. I'm very jealous!

Well done (you got a good sleeper!)

What you're doing sounds fine. Ds2 is eight months now, and at about six months old bedtime went from around 10pm to 8pm ish. This was great as it meant both dcs would be asleep by half eight at latest. Cluster feeding is tough, I would say don't look at the clock to see what time they fall asleep, just get through it. Although I did go to bed as soon as they had settled.

Wrt to not getting up til 9am, I did this too with dc1. Because I knew I wouldn't be able to with subsequent dcs and I am not really a morning person. Suited me fine, meant I was also not exhausted in the evenings to be able to have a bit of a conversation with DH when he got home from work!

I might have been lucky, but with my two dcs, they just sort of fell into a routine naturally. Enjoy the lazy mornings and go with the flow.

Well, you're not doing it wrong, as there is no 'right'!

If you're happy, and no one in the house is getting dangerously sleep deprived, then it's all good. If any of that changes, then worry about doing something different then.

But I am about your lie ins.

Thanks peeps. I suppose I'm just nervous that a) DS may never learn to self-settle and b) he'll never be ready for bed before 10 pm.

I am very grateful that he sleeps well at night, though it's not down to anything we've done that I'm aware of! We get a lie in courtesy of me bringing him into bed with me for a feed if he wakes before I'm ready to get up. He'll then usually happily snooze with me for a while.

a) have you ever seen a 20 year old needing to hang on to their mum to get to sleep?! (don't say yes!!)
b) possibly, but if/when you want to start an earlier bedtime you can - its all driven by you really (and the flexibility of the child of course). That's a different question to your op.

Sounds pretty much the same as my 17 week old
Dont fret ur doing fine

Sounds fine to me.

You could try this for a day or two - when you put him down for his sleeps, start by doing a little routine of making the room dark, singing softly while you change nappy and put into grobag, pop him in cot and stay with him, stroking and singing. The idea is that they come to realise that this routine = a pleasant time = going to bed is NICE.

We did this with DD and it helped her self-settle. It didn't work so well with DS but he didn't sleep as easy as DD did anyway.

Its not sleep training as in leaving to cry. If he doesn't settle, then have a cuddle and put him down when he sleeps. Worth a try maybe.

Souds v normal to me. Your LO will naturally start to bring their bedtime forward in the coming couple of months as they (a) cut down on the cluster feeding and (b) are more wakeful/alert/aware of whats going on in the daytime and therefore are more tired in the evening. Sounds like you're doing a great job, and you have already got a 'routine' which suits your baby, by following his needs. Keep watching for his her/tired feeding cues and do what he wants, and he will get there in the end. You don't get many 1 year old who go to ebd at 10pm, they are generally knackered by about 7!

That's all very reassuring to hear, thanks. I look forward to the reduction in cluster feeding!

I was starting to think my LO is unusual for not going to bed at 7, sleeping for 4 hours and having a dream feed at 11. The perils of online research!