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Violent son at school

6 replies

foxycowan · 18/12/2013 14:15

My son is 4.5 and immature. He started school in September and every 2 - 3 weeks I get called in because he has hit, scratched and generally hurt the other children. He's good for a while and then unleashes himself. He's not cross or angry when it happens, he just doesn't seem to realise that he's hurting anyone. He is a very self-absorbed little boy. Very affectionate. Very needy. He's not autistic, doesn't have ADHD, hearing and sight are fine, intelligence is fine.

He is only doing mornings and we've just increased him to 3 days staying til 1pm and 2 days til 11.45. In his first few days I think he was completely overwhelmed by the whole school experience. Uniform, 30 kids in a class, noise, expectation to sit on the carpet and listen etc etc. He escaped school once by going out through a fire door and unlatching 2 gates - he said he just wanted to go home. Security has been ramped up at school since, but previously to this, noone had really tried to get out before.

I have sticker charts, rewards are iPad time on a Saturday morning. He is quite obsessive, loves Angry Birds, before that loved Ben 10, before that love Octonauts. He can play imaginary play for ages quite happily. Punishment-wise we use the naughty step or time out, I count from 5 down to 1 if behaviour is unacceptable and needs to stop or if I've asked them to do something and they're not responding. That all works well. I have to acknowledge that he lives in a house with a brother, they do boy things. So they don't sit and do colouring very often. They bundle and run around and play star wars and lego and other boy-type games. When they fight, I stop them. When they hurt each other they are made to say sorry and if necessary go to time out. On occasion I've allowed the one who has been hurt to hurt back so they know what it feels like.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Faverolles · 18/12/2013 14:18

Can he teachers give you an idea as to what is going on before he unleashes himself?
There may be a pattern that's being missed, and certain circumstances that he's not coping with well.

foxycowan · 18/12/2013 14:29

Today she felt he was unprovoked. There have been times when he felt he'd been treated unfairly, small things but big to him, but this time there wasn't anything. He is very tired. He came home and has gone to bed and is now asleep. Is that enough of a reason to cause this? Just tired and overwhelmed?

OP posts:
Faverolles · 18/12/2013 14:53

Christmas term is always knackering, so it could be that he's just exhausted.
Ask them to keep an eye on him and make a note of what happened in the run up.
Ds has an over inflated sense of justice, and it's often the little unnoticed things that make him blow up - only he saves it for home (hurrah)

RubyLovesShopping · 18/12/2013 15:01

A few things stand out from your post:
He is self absorbed.
He is obsessive.
You say he doesn't have ADHD or autistic traits- has this been assessed by a developmental paediatrician. Lots of small boys are immature and don't cope well with the transition to school but in either if these conditions the behaviour management and

RubyLovesShopping · 18/12/2013 15:02

Level of support from school would be different. Am not suggesting in any way your sin has these conditions but I wonder if it's on your mind as you mentioned them.

RubyLovesShopping · 18/12/2013 15:03

Son! Sorry my autocorrect is awful!

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