bad parent? depressed? phase?

[sparker22]

my DD is nearly 10 months and I love and adore her so much. I just dont feel like I'm enjoying her at the moment/anymore. which is really upsetting, especially as its her first Christmas next week.

I'm fed up of having broken sleep, I always wake up angry these days. I'm fed up with the whingy noise DD makes when she's not allowed something (eg cuddling the kitchen bin!) I'm fed up I never get cuddles from her anymore, shes to busy exploring.
She NEVER lies still while I change her nappy.
I hate meal times because when it comes to clean up time DD wiggles and moans/whinge because she wants to get out her high chair there and then.
last couple days the words 'shut up' come out of my mouth far to easily.

Everyday seems to be a struggle and I can't wait for 8pm when shes asleep in her cot and I can just sit and do nothing.

I feel like the worst person in the world and as much as I have wanted to be a mum all my life, I dont feel like I'm cut out for this

Don't be hard on yourself, this is completely normal. And bang on schedule - 'maternal ambivalence' typically kicks in at about 9 months. It's the phase when the demented love hormones you've had since birth start to wear off and you adapt to real life with your kid. Real life is hard sometimes and real kids are often annoying! but don't panic, once you've readjusted you'll find your love is as strong as ever. It's ok to be cross when your kid won't behave, , especiallywhen you're exhausted and feeling unloved yourself.
Read up on maternal ambivalence. It sounds scary but it is an essential part of your child's development. Just as the baby has to learn to separate from mummy and become independent (as yours is doing) mummy has to learn to step away and grant that independence. Try to see this for a good thing -that your child is developing normally and you are not smothering her. I.i. you're a very good mum!
I remember everyone in my nct group going through this at the same time. And we're all still loopy about our extremely naughty, challenging exhausting toddlers.
Hope this helps. X

thank you so much, I actually cried reading you say its all completely normal! I will read up on that maternal thing.
thank you, I really thought I was a terrible mum!

xxx

Nope, you're normal I'm afraid! Nobody gets to stay in that blissed out baby state forever. I wish we could! !