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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I'm not enjoying her anymore :(

14 replies

AnyFuckerWillDo · 17/12/2013 22:36

Just don't know where to start when describing my DD, she 2.10 and well wonderful, funny, tall, and very intelligent. But for the past 6 months her behaviour has got so bad to the point now I just dread her waking and look forward to her sleeping.

She's always been very vocal, high spirited, loud, and very extravert but were I used to find her funny and encourage her to be this lively person now I have a 14wk old DS I hate it. I crave quiet, I want good behaviour, I have developed this short fuse with her and I hate myself for it. And I think because if this short fuse and lots of attention for bad behaviour and usually me catching my breath/sanity when she's good, she chooses to be challenging.

Few examples:-
What ever you give her she wants the other, with each and every thing! This is food, clothing, activities it's like whatever I suggest she purposely rejects it.
Shouts loudly at me all the time.
Apologies to get off the naughty step but doesn't mean it and within no time is doing the same thing again.
Talks constantly about anything, and repeats the same sentence about 5-6 times even when it doesn't require a response.
Ignores me when I tell her to not do something
Plays up really bad when others around
Telling lies, small ones but definite lies.

She also knows when she's being naughty, DH come home tonight and she told him she'd been naughty all day :(

Please tell me it gets better.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DreamToSleep · 18/12/2013 01:06

My3 year old is the same.
It is tough, I totally understand what you are going through. I try and tell myself when I feel myself getting wound up that she is only 3 and is just testing boundaries...albeit very well!

DD started this when dd2 was born then she started nursery, I think the big changes have made her feel out of control and she is trying to regain it by taking control of whatever she can, ie. 'Put Peppa on please Mummy' 'NO I DONT WANT IT NO NO!'.

I have found walking away helps, I will say 'Tell mummy when you have decided, it is either X or X, Mummy is going to do X now until you have picked' and leave the situation.

staverton · 18/12/2013 01:14

Sounds exactly like how my dd was at the same age.
Now at just 4x she is mostly and absolute delight, very energetic and high spirited, but also kind, boing towards her baby sister, empathetic etc. She is also scarily bright (taught Gerard to read, fluently, with very little phonics:teaching input apart from what she has picked up from her big brother )
You will get there

You are right it's about attention. A book that really helped me was Divas and dictators by charlie taylor.

Sorry about typos/errors - on phone.

staverton · 18/12/2013 01:15

Boing= loving
Gerard = herself. Although she could prob teach Gerard too.

Original poster

AnyFuckerWillDo · 18/12/2013 08:37

Thanks everyone, I love how we have mumsnet to say these things, felt I could blow yesterday but yet it's so taboo to say those things about your children. I adore her and love her too pieces but wish I was loaded and could afford more nursery!!

OP posts:

DottiestDoris · 18/12/2013 10:07

I could have written this myself, apart from mine is a ds and we have a baby of 8 weeks. At 2.3 he is exactly the same and I have gone through a stage of feeling seriously guilty for not enjoying him, dreading days with him and wishing he were at nursery more. It has taken a horrible incident where my fuse blew and ds got a smack for me to realise that fighting fire with fire really wasn't working. I rethought my approach and came to the same conclusion as you - that he was getting most attention when he was naughty. I have therefore started a herculean effort to remain calm and jovial with him and just say 'fine' when he screams for the opposite of whatever it may be and guess what- it's no fun anymore for him and although he has his moments, he is undeniably better. I am actually really enjoying his company again and the feeling of guilt is going.
Count to ten!

DreamToSleep · 19/12/2013 13:53

How are things today, OP?

Original poster

AnyFuckerWillDo · 19/12/2013 16:41

Well started another panicked thread this morning asking if my DS would be ok after I caught DD feeding him a lump of butter so had to punish her again on naughty step with lots of tears but we've since had a good day.
Walking along the street today when she hugged my leg and declared "mummy I lud you" makes all the hard times worth it think the time of year, weather, maternity pay kicking in, and of course the relentless sleep deprivation doesn't help...

OP posts:

Original poster

AnyFuckerWillDo · 19/12/2013 16:42

Hope your ok dream

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 19/12/2013 16:48

I remember this being soooo hard. Ds was a rather challenging toddler and I had small baby. After one particularly memorable morning at a toddler group where I had to remove him and shouted at him all the way home I revisited my How to talk and Siblings without Rivalry. Things improved straight away, I started to praise WHENEVER he did something well/properly and I started the next day by telling him all the things I loved about him.

I really recommend those books. The thing about the techniques they describe is that they work straight away. Unlike the naughty step which was a complete failure.

HumphreyCobbler · 19/12/2013 16:49

for us I mean!

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 19/12/2013 16:52

Give yourself a break, you have a 14 week old! :)

Plus they do become rather vile challenging at around 3. Plus she'll be reacting to the new baby as well.

Definitely recommend the two books Humphrey mentioned. Taking a general problem-solving approach might be more productive than a punitive one but I realise you're probably knackered!

neolara · 19/12/2013 16:55

It gets better. Promise. Two year olds are utterly bonkers.

My top tip? Instead of telling her she must do things (put on her shoes, eat her peas, get dressed, get in the bath etc), tell her she is absolutely not allowed to do it ("Don't eat your peas. Definitely don't eat them. Put them back on your plate NOW. If you eat them Mummy will cry. Oh no, you've eaten them all. Waaaaah. Now, don't put your shoes on ........ etc). There have been whole years when my kids default setting to all requests was "NO". This single approach has saved my sanity.

Toddler Taming is good. Very pragmatic.

DoNotDisturb · 19/12/2013 17:21

My DD is exactly the same. Same age and same attitude. It's hard because my DS who is 5 was never like this. He was very compliant. She will run in the opposite direction to me every chance she gets. I feel amazingly guilty because I worry that she's like this because she doesn't get enough attention from me (I also have a 6 month old).

I am trying really hard to praise the good and give lots of positive attention. Not sure of the point of this post. Guess I'm just sharing your pain..

DreamToSleep · 19/12/2013 17:34

We have had an ok day today Willdo, not many tantrums today, we sang some carols on the way home from nursery (anyone who saw a slightly deranged woman singing jingle bells, pushing a massive pram with a toddler in tow...Hi that was me!). DD1 is at nanas tonight which she loves so I can have a cup of tea and watch Dexter wrap presents.

I know what you mean about the sweet moments making up for it all. It is so hard, it is good to know that we are not alone. I sometimes feel like I am doing it all wrong, but it is just a phase and MN provided me with the phrase 'This too shall pass'

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