17mth old biting me and other children

[ChampagneTastes]

Hoping the wisdom of mumsnet can help me here. For a few months now my DS has been going to bite me (I generally move my hand before he succeeds). Initially we put this down to teething as he would happily gnaw on something else if I took my hand away. My response has always been a firm "no" and removal of my hand.

A couple of months on and now, if I tell him "no" about something and try and move him away (for example, if he's trying to touch the hot oven) he will grab at my hand and attempt to bite. It is clearly an act of frustration. In this instance I say a firm "no", pick him up and pop him down away from me and walk away.

He has now started biting at nursery. Usually when he and another child are going for the same toy. The nursery are ace and have intercepted every time (helpfully, DS is quite slow when he does this!) but they are clearly getting concerned. I'm terrified he's going to actually succeed and injure a child at some point and I'm also terrified that nursery will get fed up and kick him out.

So, wise mumsnetters, what the hell can I do? I don't want to smack (not convinced it would help anyway) but I certainly don't want him to learn that it's ok or not a big deal...

Any advice will be gratefully received.

Bumping in the hope of some lunchtime traffic.

Anyone at all? Please?

Didn't want to leave this unanswered but not sure I will be much help. My DS is 16 months and went through a biting phase. Like you i used a firm No. I was very worried about other children in nursery, but he only ever bit the workers . He grew out of this after a few weeks, but still has a tendency to hit especially when tired or frustrated. Again we say no and put him down if he does this to us. With other children around, when he goes to hit, I always say no hitting, just cuddles which seems to stop him. Although the other child is subjected to a cuddle whether they want one or not! I don't think the nursery will stop him going- biting is fairly common. Maybe agree an approach with them which is consistent for nursery and home

Hi Champagne. My ds (17 months) is just coming out of a biting phase. He also goes to nursery and did it more there than at home. Unfortunately he is quite quick and did manage to actually bite on more than 1 occasion. As you can imagine I was mortified and similarly worried like you are.

However I seriously doubt that nursery would ask for your ds to be removed as biting is really common. For my ds, we agreed an approach which is basically the same as what you have described. With repetition and consistency he has got the idea that biting isn't ok. When he's frustrated now you can see that he looks like he might want to bite, but now says "no biting!" and does the sign for "no" that nursery use.

It's got a lot better as his talking has improved, and I do think that there is just an element of growing out of it. They're too little to do anything else other than a simple "no" and put down/move away. They are too young to have empathy for other people or to understand that it's "naughty".

Thanks both. I guess it's a case of "this too shall pass". Was kind of hoping there was a magic bullet but clearly not (muzzling would be wrong, right?)

As OPs have said, it does improve with age, even just a month or two from now your DS will probably be able to empathise more. At 17 mths our dd could understand a lot more than she could communicate and certainly understood if someone was upset by something she'd done.

Our dd (now 19 mths) has usually only bit us (apart from one incident at nursery). As well as the methods you use we've tried to show that biting hurts the person bit ('poor daddy, that's not nice etc') and we've given lots of attention to the parent that's been bit. Over the last couple of months dd has started to say 'no nice' and go to cuddle the parent she's bit and the incidences are far fewer.

Try not to worry about the nursery too much, talk to them and tell them what approach you're taking, they might have some advice.
I was mortified when I had the dreaded pink slip to sign saying dd had bit another child. The very next day I had one to sign saying another child had bit dd so most toddlers do it.

Thank you - that's really helpful advice, I'll start making a point of making a fuss over whoever's been bitten rather than focussing on him.