Toddlers won't starve themselves?

[funnyvalentine]

I'm seriously starting to think that DD (2.5 years) might! She's started being really fussy about food and not eating much. Then holding out for snacks. Then refusing whatever we offer her as a snack. While screaming "I'm hungry" over and over.

We're trying to a) ignore as much as we can, serve up dinner and let her eat what she wants b) offer toast or other boring snacks and c) give her the biscuits etc occasionally so she's not feeling punished.

But she's not getting it! We're trying to be firm, consistent, and not make a fuss.

What else can we try?

Oh I've so been there, and no she won't starve herself.

Try giving her really small portions, she can always ask for more.

Ignoring her is best and try to keep conversation light and not about the food.

Which milk does she have and how much in a day?

Have you read My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzalez too?

Some kids survive on very little!

I second gonzalez's book too. Wish I'd read it with dc1

What are you offering her? Are you letting her help prepare foods?

Mine always have fussy phases but they come and go. I try and make sure that I don't make a big deal and that they're given something that they like at least once a day.

We all have our comfort foods and favourites - I don't eat a huge range of meals when I think about it. As long as they're healthy meals then what's the fuss?

Ds surprises me every now and then and will try stuff which is new - it'll be when he's not tired and he's seen me prepare stuff.

TBH your approach sounds very confused. I have heard good things about the Gonzales book but not used it myself.

If she's saying she's hungry, she probably won't starve herself.

But I know, for me, if I don't eat much I stop getting hunger pangs, and can then go for days without eating. I think at least one of my dc are the same, so I am very careful not to let it get to that stage. If I haven't eaten much for 48 hours then I don't even want to eat, and have to force myself to. Only once I've eaten something do I become hungry.

What I do for my dc:
Serve small portions of food at meals, making sure at least one thing on the plate they have been known to eat in the past.
Pudding comes after they have made an okay attempt on the meal. I might say "one more piece of chicken", but no other comments.
Make puddings/snacks generally healthy: yoghurt/fruit/toasted teacakes.
Don't force them to eat something they don't want to. Stay calm "if you don't want to eat it, that's fine, but you don't get a snack instead" is often heard round here.
Snacks are available to take themselves: BUT that's only fruit generally. I leave fruit so they can get it themselves.
If there's a particular fruit that's favourite, I don't limit it (except for fairness) but when it's gone, it's gone-I don't replace it.

If they've had a bad eating day or two then I might choose a meal that I know they really like (egg sandwiches are popular here).
Also making food fun: Alphabites rather than plain chips. Eating on a rug in the lounge making it a picnic. Dips with vegetables. Cheese and pinapple on cocktail sticks. Dolls tea party. Sandwiches cut into shapes (you can do that with biscuit cutters).
All things that encouraged some eating-done rarely but very effective.
And my two younger ones will eat almost anythign if it's an outside picnic. With dd2 I had been known to take her meal up to the park for her to eat on the picnic benches there in the snow. I froze. She ate.

My lovely Granny always used to say this too . She had 5, during the war, so tbh it was actually a bit of an issue!

Mine have got really into I Can Cook on CBeebies, so we make things off that (there's a recipe book or you can get them online) and I find if I involve them a bit in 'cooking' eg they get to stir, or to put things on their mini pizzas, or build their own sandwiches, a bit more goes down.

They will also eat ANYTHING me or DP are eating, in preference to theirs, so have cunningly started pretending to eat what I intended as their lunch all along...

To answer your questions: she has whole milk but not too much in a day, maybe a small glass in total but some days almost none. We're offering her food that we eat (she eats with us) or a simpler version that she has eaten before. Sometimes she helps with prep but that's something I could do more of.

Hermione, what do you think is confused? What would you do differently? She gets offered 3 meals a day plus morning and afternoon snack. If she's hungry any other time, I offer her a boring snack.

I'm not fussed about the amount she eats, it's just the refusal to eat stuff she likes followed by screaming about being hungry half an hour later that's annoying me!

Thanks for your replies!!

I'd save whatever she does to eat from her meals, and offer it again when she starts complaining of hunger.

If she's really hungry, she will eat. She's just realised that hunger is a big trigger for attention/treats very quickly and is exploiting that.

my dd 2.8 is also going through a fussy food stage and so are most of her peers think it's just a development stage. I've found breakfast, early lunch, afternoon snack and evening meals work best with nothing in between. if we did two snacks and meals mine would be full of snacks.

I'm also giving her vitamins whilst she's in this stage and resorting to favourites when needs be, yesterdays lunch was half a pot of humus and bread sticks not the most balanced meal but could be worse.

I'm about to bring her evening meal to be a bit earlier and not offer alternatives, if she doesn't want it she will be offered it again next time she asks for food and again and again till it's eaten or bedtime.

hoping it's a phase she leaves behind soon!

I'd just be completely laid back and offer healthy snacks and what she does like and offer some of yours too. My two have always been a bit fussy as toddlers and now they mostly eat anything. I don't agree with making meal times a battle ground. It really isn't worth the time or the effort.

I don't agree with Rosen's idea of giving her meal back to her when she says she's hungry. As an adult I can think of nothing worse than not fancying a meal and then being given it back later warmed up or whatever if I said I was hungry. So I wouldn't expect a child to do that or eat that either.

(I'd offer something else she did want).

No, but they can survive on portions that resemble fresh air, breast milk (and ice cream).

It has taken DD2 reaching the grand age of 12 for her to sometimes eat a reasonable portion of savoury food.

For years she seemed to be able to exist on fresh air, yoghurt, (ice cream) and an evening breastfed. No other milk, hence resorting to yoghurt when she'd eaten nothing else.

She is unbelievably stubborn.

Lol @ existing on fresh air :) Sometimes I think DD does!

Can't easily avoid giving her snacks as I snack (bfing at the moment so need the food!) and it's a policy of mine never to refuse her any of what I'm having. Also saving meals not always ideal as things like soggy breakfast cereal and cold hard toasties aren't especially appealing.

She ate fine at lunch today then refused any dinner even though it was something I'm confident she loves, before asking for snacks just before bed. Hoping it's a phase that'll end soon!

Don't offer food at all. Put the food out and allow her to choose what to take.

If you're snacking make it healthy snacks and, again, have it there and allow her to take it if she wants.

She's getting uptight about eating meals but is happy to eat healthy food at other times. If you think about it, she's eating the right food, just at the wrong times.

Why is she prepared to eat snacks but not to eat at mealtimes? Probably because you don't have an emotional investment in getting her to eat the snacks.

You're right not to offer unpleasant leftovers when she wants to snack. What you need is for her to feel more relaxed around food and for it to become a non-issue.

Plan food a day at a time rather than a meal at a time. At the end of the day look back at what she's eaten in total and you'll probably see that she's eating more than you realised. If there are too many of a certain food group, make less available the next day, replacing them with other things.

The idea is that there is a range of food available at certain times and she is free to choose what she would like from what is there. So, ignore what she has eaten and don't make targets for her in your head. Just make the food available and leave her to it, just as you would with a snack.