Which battles do you fight and which do you let go with your 2 yr olds?

[snowgirl1]

Just reading another thread about how to deal with tantrums and it made me wonder which battles people choose to fight with their 2 yr olds?

At the moment our DD doesn't want to put pajamas on - she will quite happily put the dirty clothes she's had on all day. We're giving in on this one, but seeing her asleep in her dirty clothes doesn't make me feel good!

Teeth cleaning, shoes off when on the sofa and using the car seat are non-negotiable.

Baths seem to have become negotiable. She had a little bit of nappy rash and I think it was more painful in the bath. It seems to have put her off baths and she won't even entertain the idea of a shower. Sometimes we do make her have a bath, cue much screaming and protest, then when we take her out of the bath after a quick cursory wash, she starts screaming because we've taken her out. Arrgh.

What are your non-negotiables?

Don't run in the Kitchen.

Don't whine.

Don't climb on the furniture.

Teeth cleaning for us too but my god, it's hard work.

Have you tried a bubble machine for bath time or getting in with her?

Teeth cleaning. Not allowed near the oven/hob when it's on. Holding hands (or being carried) when crossing the street. Car seat.

Other than that I'm actually really relaxed. I tend to ask myself 'does this really matter or is it just because of my adult sense of how things should be?' Either because of that, or just because it's the way he is (you never know, do you??) DS1 is actually pretty compliant.

I've found what really helps with DS1 is giving him choices that are related to what I want him to do. So: do you want a little bit of water or a lot of water in the bath. Do you want to wear your Iggle Piggle or Cars pyjamas? It really seems to take his mind off of the 'do I or do I not want a bath' question, and instead busies him with making a different choice.

And giving notice: in 5 minutes we're going to brush your teeth. We're going to brush your teeth now. Do you want to brush with the pink or the blue toothbrush? Also, lots of patience

Non-negociable:
Not touching the oven/dishwasher/washing machine (except when we put a load in and he knows to press the on button).

Getting off scooter and holding my hand to cross the road.

Shoes off when we get in the house too, as he loves playing in the mud.

Running in the flat as our neighbour complains

The rest is pretty much negociable With teeth he's pretty good - he brushes them himself then lets me finish it off. He rarely doesn't brush his teeth, and usually it's related to when he's teething so I don't force it.

With food, DH thought I was really pandering to him on Saturday when he refused point blank his chicken casserole and wanted fish pie (only the 2nd time that I haven't managed to persuade him to eat). So I defrosted fish pie for him, which he yummed up (he's still eating his own food as we eat a lot later than him). The next day he ate the chicken without complaint, so DH was reassured and we avoided a melt-down.

Sometimes I think we're a bit too lax with him but he's generally a good boy and does as he's told.

My DS1 loves his themed p'jays fireman sam, superman, spidey, he's started being a bit funny at bath times the now as well doesn't want 1 then doesn't want to come out, we've started letting him check the temp (prev checked by mum or dad 1st) and we add a little hot or cold at his request, he seems to be happy with this, then we tell him to pull the plug himself and have a quick game of peek-a-boo with the towel to get him wrapped up & out. I'm the same as the rest with car seat, oven/hob, teeth, etc. I put him in his bed every afternoon with his clothes on though for his nap, I he only has a bath every 2nd night now, unless he's been peppa pigging in muddy puddles,

i am super laid back in general and seems to have paid off as dd pretty good really.
the only non negotiable things are teeths brushing as most have said and treatment of the cats. i won't tolerate any sort of cat tail pulling etc. apart from that I'm easy!!!!

Ds is 2. 3

Brushing teeth, holding my hand in the car park & sitting in the car seat are non negotiable. Lingering on the stairs bothers me, but I'm finding if I wander off it speeds his descent! Please, thank you, sorry are plentiful but if they stop, that would be a battle I'd pick.

Luckily he's not a picky eater, so now if he doesn't eat something I'll not get stubborn about it. The soup he didn't eat the other day, I didn't like either! I have issues about food refusal so I am very likely to cave!

Baths happen even though he often complains, but once he's out of nappies, we'll probably do it less often.

Hitting only really happens when he's tired, so we're trying to ignore/distract etc. sometimes he's confined to his bed if ignore/distract doesn't work & a sorry follows pretty quickly for a toddler.

Kinda talk my way into everything I think is important, bath, teeth, holding hands deffo clean clothes, we have lots of stand offs but I win. Quite relaxed around house n let her make a mess, noise, stay up a little later than 7 etc, watching peppa in our bed, etc x

DS is a pretty good toddler (I am shitting myself it'll go wrong at 3) but my red flags are:

Hitting - his brother (5 months) or others - this has got LOADS better thank god, peaked about 6 weeks after his brother arrived
Crossing the road - DS will absolutely not even step on the road now unless we're holding his hand. Good boy
Throwing food - will NOT tolerate
Getting dressed - I will always let DS have choices though. "Which pants - red or blue" etc)
Bathing - actually put him in fully clothed a couple of weeks ago when he was playing up. Called his bluff BIG time!

He no longer wants to sleep in day now so not pushing that and giving him more DVD time come 4pm as he's shattered. I am also quite soft on him with accidents as he's only recently potty trained.

Food wise he's pretty good. Although again, I try and give him a couple of choices if/when he's in a tricky mood.

I luff him at the moment, we've had a good day today.

DD 2.9 she is pretty good really. We have very few melt downs. Non-negotiables are hygiene related (teeth, hands etc) and safety (car seat, hand holding) and also basic manners - please, thank you.

I am probably easier on her if I know she is tired.

DS is 2.10 ... Like most people, my non-negotiables are road safety and teeth brushing (the later 99% of the time!). Also, hair brushing - he has a curly mop and it does need doing - and not having the 'big' light on at bedtime as it keeps him awake.

Apart from that, pretty relaxed. Trying to bé more relaxed as I realised that I was being a bit of a dictator - some thing aren't necessity, just adult conceptions of how things 'must' bé.

Thanks to those for suggestions about bathtime and pjamas. Gallicgirl we have a bubble machine for DD for Christmas, so hopefully that will turn bath time around . We tried letting her turn the tap on to fill the bath, getting in with her (this used to work, but doesn't anymore), showering her and they haven't prevented the screaming. If the bubble machine doesn't work, maybe I'll try LittleMilla's technique of putting in the bath fully dressed!

On the pj front, I have pjs with caterpillars on the front, ladybirds, zebras, bumble bees and she just point blank refuses to wear them. She's definitely in a phase of wanting to choose what she wears and at bedtime the choice is dirty clothes. At least she's warm enough and she does let us put clean clothes on her in the morning. And at least she's stopped asking to wear shoes to bed...

Hand-holding in the car park is another one of our non-negotiables.