3.5yo poor behaviour - book recommendations please

[Woody31]

I would like to ask Mumsnetters if they have any book recommendations for coping with poor behaviour in my 3.5 year DS. He is generally a good boy but recently has had to cope with a lot of change all at once - new baby brother, house renovation, new nursery and it has sent him spiralling into a pattern of poor behaviour and sleeping. Things I would most like some advice on how to deal with are:

• him hitting us
• crying and being very angry and upset
• fighting on play dates
• getting out of his bed each night and into ours

He does have many amazing attributes and is a very loving, cuddly, sensitive child. Hw is happy to be left at nursery, eats well and is the best older brother I could have imagined for. He is good with adults and lots of other children, I just feel I am not helping him cope with this unsettled patch as much as I could. Any advice of good reads with strategies, advice, theories behind this stage of development would be great.

Thanks x

How old is the baby woody? Is it still early days?

Haven't got a book recommendation to cover everything but have a look at Biting and Hitting: 16 ways to stop it and the no cry sleep solution for toddler and pre-schoolers should help with the nights.

Is he just squabbling on the play dates or actually fighting? Are there particular times he is angry or upset?

The three books I found very helpful:

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk
Playful Parenting
Siblings Without Rivalry

They're not really about how to solve x problem, but as a whole they have lots of helpful tips for communicating effectively and dealing with difficult behaviour in a very positive way.

He's probably trying to process all the changes and not really able to, which manifests itself in difficult behaviour. DS1 went through a very difficult phase with regards to sleeping / night wakings after DS2 was born, and it was actually about reassurance and 1on1 time during the day that solved that one, rather than trying to 'fix' the sleeping issue. Difficult behaviour is usually the symptom, not the actual problem, iyswim.

Thanks for recommendations - will look into suggestions. My 2nd son is 6 months so not really young. He is very good with him, soft and gentle and very protective of him. He is particularly bad with one or two other children, one of whom is his cousin. Lots of antagonising each other and winding each other up, not sharing toys and then it escalates into pushing, pulling and then hitting. He has bitten one friend only once but it was very hard. Times he is most angry and upset are when he is hungry, bored or tired ( like most kids really!)

I have similar age dc and am reading Playful Parenting at the mo and I'm finding it really good

Just ordered playful parenting and how to talk to kids.....on amazon. Look forward to reading them a lot. Think my 'thinking step' and threats have had their day and I seriously need to get some positive, happier vibes in the house as I know he responds so well to that kind of environment.

I am a big fan of 1,2,3,Magic. Also How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.

their are some great books for children about 'feelings' stories that help them identify the feeling and the names of feelings. just type feelings book into amazon and there is a selection there.

hopefully this will help him recognise how he feels and not have to resort to anger as a way to deal with it.

We found Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting a big help when DS1's behaviour took a nosedive aged 3 just before his brother and sister were born (and it got worse).