Aragh dd1 starting lots of fussing and messing at the dinner time.

[DeathMetalMum]

Dd1 is 2.10 and recently has been terrible at meal times. She has started fussing over everything - we have had this before, also wont try anything new - also had this before.

Worst thing is she is taking forever to eat, instead playing with cutlery, food you name it anything but actually eating. It is very frustrating as she is hungry and when she decides to eat she does and well just when she is ready or finished playing. We have currently been sitting at the table for 50 minutes with her just playing/singing - ignoring doesn't do anything she just carries on. We all eat together so she had enough encouragment we still have 'afters' to eat.

Any suggestons of what to do to nip this in the bud? It is making mealtimes rather frustrating.

You ignore it. You finish your meal and take hers away without comment. You serve pudding and do the same. You don't discuss, whether she eats it or not. You don't do alternatives and you don't serve snacks-just offer some fruit if she is hungry. If she complains that she is hungry you just say in a rather bored tone 'well you would be, you didn't eat dinner'. She won't starve and she will get the idea that she needs to eat when it is on offer.

I agree with taking it away after a reasonable length of time but I would give her five minute, two minute and one minute warnings before taking it. You could even have a clock or timer in her sight so she has visual reinforcement of the time passing.

The first few times she may call your bluff and then kick off when it goes but she will learn that you mean it and start eating when she gets the first warning quite soon. Still allow her to have whatever is served afterwards but limit it to what you feel is an appropriate amount for after a meal if it's sweet.

I'd allow her to fill up on fruit if she wants to.

Thanks I had thought about taking it away but I also was worried about putting too much pressure on her to eat also, I am quite a slow eater at times and even slower if pressurised.

She has fruit and cheese as snacks troughout the day and one biscuit/muffin/ pombears or similar and last snack is an hour before dinner (she has always eaten little and often since birth) - she is hungry but has decided playing is of more importance at the moment. Afters is fruit and yoghurt anyway so I don't mind going straight to afters. What would you say is a reasonable time?

You could give a warning. I would say that reasonable was double the time you take to eat yours.

The pressure comes for endlessly discussing it, which is why I would tell her how it would be and do it, with no more than 2 warnings to start with and then just one. Make it a non issue, you do your bit and buy it , cook it and clear away. Her bit is just to eat it, or not eat it.

I also was worried about putting too much pressure on her to eat

That makes sense. Don't tell her to eat because you're going to take it away. Just tell her you're going to take it. It's up to her to decide whether to eat before you do so.

Last snack an hour before dinner is quite late and may well be contributing to her not wanting to eat her meal. One snack mid-morning and one mid-afternoon should be plenty and will still leave her with a good appetite for her lunch and dinner. Allowing her to get hungry is perfectly reasonable.

I think ten minutes longer than you take is plenty of time. If she is eating when the time arrives just wait until the next time she stops and take it then. Don't bring it back.

I used to take the food away uneaten at the end of the meal. I am harsh and there was no pudding if they hadn't made some decent effort to eat it - didn't have to finish it though. If they then said they were hungry later I would bring same food back out (reheated if necessary) and let them get on with it.

DD2 is even known now (at 5) to go and get a plate, put it over uneaten food and say 'i'll have some later if I am hungry'

I guess we don't always have puddings. Therefore if everyone else has finished I have been known to leave dd to it. She then either eats it or not. I find she is often better at eating without the distraction of everyone else at the table.

Thanks some great suggestions I can sometimes take 20 minutes to eat myself so 10 minutes extra seems reasonable ish.

She is certainly hungry and certainly wants to eat (if its something she like) she is just finding playing far more interesting. We have altered last snack a few times and 1hour 1.15 before works best any earlier and getting dinner ready and out is difficult as she is hungry now and wont leave the kitchen etc. Lunch is 12pm and then dinner 6pm I need to eat myself at least once inbetween, I'm pretty certain snacks are not the problem as this is only the past few weeks slowly getting worse annd dd has always snacked a fair bit as do I.

We don't have a huge amount of time between dinner and bedtime so we don't really have time for her to get hungry aferwards.

To be honest, I think she probably isn't actually hungry. She does have room for some food, perhaps another snack, if it's sufficiently attractive, but isn't motivated to eat because she doesn't have a proper appetite.

If you would like her to eat with some gusto you need to leave her longer than an hour without eating. This means being firm and clear and telling her she can't eat now because you're cooking and the food will be ready soon. She isn't eating the food until well after it arrives on the table now so she's basically engineering a longer gap for herself already anyway. She's telling you herself that she's not ready for a meal. By not giving her the last snack you will be starting that gap earlier so she's more ready to eat when you start the meal.

When she has snacked so recently she will always find playing more exciting than eating. If her having that late snack is important to you that's fine. Just accept that she will continue to mess around at mealtimes.

You will only have a problem if you can't accept one or the other. If you can remain relaxed about her messing around and taking her time you'll be fine but, if it starts to become an issue and she is sitting down with the latest snack still in her stomach, you're going to have to be very careful not to end up in battles for control over food.

I'd set a time for how long you'll allow her to finish her dinner (I used to be a very slow eater, I think kids just take a bit longer). Also if she does any excessive playing/distraction say something like "It's time for eating dinner now, not for playing. Are you done eating?" I do that with DS1 (2.5yo) and whenever I suggest that dinner is finished because he's playing around/trying to get up from the table, he'll quickly focus his attention on the food again. Unless he's really not hungry in which case he'll say he's finished. Other than that just ignore any non-eating, be supremely disinterested in the eating/food (but make other normal dinner conversation), don't cajole or bribe, take food away without comment at the end (I'd also say don't comment on food eaten - she should want to eat because she's hungry, not to get praise).