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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help! I've gone and shot myself in the foot!

52 replies

cupcake78 · 15/12/2013 08:07

Ds 6 has woken me up 5, yes 5!!! Times last night and this morning proceeded to do the same. Refusing to get his own breakfast every 10 minutes coming into our room.

I lost it and told him we would not put up the Christmas tree if he woke me again. I never thought he'd risk that but in he comes 10 minutes later.

I now can't put up the tree today. The next time I will be able to do it is next Sunday . I didn't think it through very well did I. Now we all have to suffer because of him . I wish I had said he would sit in his room and not help with it.

I'm so sad and can't look at ds I'm so cross and disappointed in him. I can't get out of this now can I?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

msmiggins · 15/12/2013 09:08

You could tackle the issue of early wakening.

Why not help him to set up an "early table" in his room. Put out some plasticine or lego, rice cakes, a carton of juice, things to occupy him when he wakes.
I still don't see his behaviour as naughty and deserving of punishment- wakening early is something he has no control over, he is bored and lonely at that time too and seeks human company- sounds completely normal for a 6 year old.

happytalk13 · 15/12/2013 09:16

We used to leave breakfast out for ours (but was a little older - 7). Sorry you're just not getting a break, you really sound like you need it.

happytalk13 · 15/12/2013 09:18

And I agree - there'sn othing wrong with sitting him down and saying you made a mistake and having a chat about how tired you are. I think one of the worst things a parent can do to a child is have them believe their parent(s) is/are perfect - no that I'm saying you're doing that, I'm just saying it's ok to let him know you're only human.

RandomMess · 15/12/2013 09:18

I can honestly say I was never a receptive person during the night. They got fed and that was it apart from when clearly unwell.

If your little one is in your room is it in part jealously? If he would sleep through the night on a mattress on your floor, or at least not wake you up I would honestly do that.

Has he always been an appalling sleeper?

TBH I don't think your punsihment was particularly awful - like I said I have little compassion for being disturbed during the night unless for genuine illness!

pictish · 15/12/2013 09:23

Get an age appropriate clock for his room, and tell him that when the time starts with a 7, he can get up.
Stick to this rule.
He is old enough to go to the loo, and amuse himself in his room reading or playing until 7.
Stick. To. This. Rule. Have consequences for waking you before 7 (proportional ones...not nig ones you don't want to follow through on, like no computer for rest of day etc) and carry them out.

Explain that from now in, that is what will be happening, and put your tree up today.

pictish · 15/12/2013 09:25

Sorry that didn't read right - I mean have small consequences, like no computer for the rest of the day, or whatever it is that suits your household.
Don't threaten things you can't handle following through on thinking it'll be enough to stop him in his tracks, you can't rely on it doing so, and then you're scuppered.

Wipe the slate clean today, introduce new rule, and get your tree up. x

SanityClause · 15/12/2013 09:27

You also have a 5mo?

Read Siblings Without Rivalry. I so wish I had, when my DC were much younger, although it has been very useful, even though I didn't have it then.

RandomMess · 15/12/2013 09:28

TBH it's not just about the early wakenings is it though, 5 times during the night and then wanting you up at the crack of dawn! Early wakenings are ok if you're getting a solid nights sleep. he must be knackered and overtired too?

pictish · 15/12/2013 09:32

He is old enough to understand when someone does not want or enjoy something....like being woken up before 7am. He is old enough to be expected to consider his parents' wishes, and not defy them.

I agree that the fect that the little one is in your room will be adding to his desire to come through and feel included, so I'm not entirely unsympathetic to him....but he's not a toddler any more, and the arrangement is not designed to disclude him, so he needs to accept it, and not seer it as his right to disturb everyone from their sleep.
Lots of extra reassurance for him, and a BIG FUSS and plenty of praise when he does manage to leave you be until 7.

pictish · 15/12/2013 09:34

And yes...why is he getting up five times a night??!! That is an excessive amount by anyone's standards, and that needs to STOP!

Original poster

cupcake78 · 15/12/2013 09:34

We have tried, tried and tried again everything everyone has suggested! This is why I'm at my wits end with him.

I've sat him down. Explained what he's done and said as me and daddy are now so tired he needs to help us get jobs done. We've also put house rules down for morning wake ups. Thankfully dh is actually backing me up for once.

He is fully waterproofed up including marigolds and washing the cars. He seemed quite pleased with the idea. He loves cars! Have told him to do his best and we will inspect when he's done. Dh has done the roofs to start him off and because he can't reach.

I've told him if he moans or fails to finish so we have to do it then there will definitely be no tree today. He has his room to tidy, help put his clothes away.

OP posts:

Original poster

cupcake78 · 15/12/2013 09:35

Dd isn't in out room, she's in her cot in her own room!

OP posts:

pictish · 15/12/2013 09:37

Ah I see.
Well, yes...I can totally understand why you are feeling the way you are. I'd be fit for murder too!

What does he get up in the night for?

RandomMess · 15/12/2013 09:38

Is the waking during the night normal for him - I think that is the real problem that needs resolving tbh.

One of mine did wake regurlarly during the night and come in to ask us if it was time to get up yet, it was caused by increased adrenalin levels which were able to sort out. Before that she just didn't need much sleep at all ever. Thankfully we resolved this as she turned 4.

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/12/2013 09:42

Is he being given enough to do in the day to wear him out? Going for an early evening walk with mum or dad can get fresh air in the lungs, some amount of physical exercise, running off steam etc?

Original poster

cupcake78 · 15/12/2013 09:44

He gets up for so many random reasons its unreal! Last night he could hear Santa, the wind was scary, he wasn't tired, his lamp fell over (random and not his fault). He couldn't get comfortable.

It's not 5 times a night, last night was bad. However it is a few times 4nights a week.

He's very tired and very excited about Christmas.

He's just come in to say he's finished one car. He's onto the second one. He's very proud of his work. Its so very cute but I must remember why he's doing it.

OP posts:

Original poster

cupcake78 · 15/12/2013 09:46

As far as exercise is concerned we walk to school each day. That's 3 miles for him. He never sits still, he's not interested in computers. He has to jump when he's watching tv. He cannot be still. He's always eating and is one long skinny child!

OP posts:

countessduckula · 15/12/2013 09:53

My heart goes out to you, cupcake, my ds was the same at his age. Sleep is such a precious commodity isn't it? I always feel I can cope with everything else if I can just get enough sleep.
I'm wondering if he can tell the time yet? We solved the problem by getting ds a bunny alarm clock. It has a face and ears, and when you set it, the ears go down and the eyes shut. We told him he couldn't get out of bed till the bunny 'woke up'. He loved it! We left him a drink and a snack- problem solved! Best tenner I ever spent. They've still got them on amazon.

curlew · 15/12/2013 10:18

What does he say when he wakes you up?

Original poster

cupcake78 · 15/12/2013 10:39

He's bored, he wants to go downstairs but not on his own. He's hungry but doesn't want to get breakfast himself.

What really bugs me is once were all up he disappears to his bedroom to play . His work is done by then, he's got what he wants.

Cars are cleaned. He's gone to the tip with his dad. Next its his room and clothes. This will be the real test as he hates doing this. So far it's been quite fun for him.

OP posts:

Janek · 15/12/2013 11:14

Would a magic light work? Lamp on a timer switch, if it comes on, it's morning, if it's off, shut up and go back to sleep. This worked brilliantly for us, because it is so tangible. You can make it more magical by using fairy lights, but i just used a bog standard lamp.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 15/12/2013 11:25

Here is what I do when I have gone wrong on the choice of discipline. You can only implant it rarely obviously though. I find a relatively taxing task normally a room that need tidying etc, work with the child, praise them during the task etc. I then tell the child I am still not happy with that behaviour and the punishment is still not putting up the Christmas tree because I consider it to merit an outcome of that scale however in response to their wonderful behaviour on helping to tidy the room, all the effort they put in, the fact that it helped everyone in the household blah, blah, blah I believe this one time we can forgo the punishment. I feel that this takes a negative situation into a positive one and still disciplines the child via tidying the room or whatever and also reminds them that there are consequences to their behaviour. It worked for me a few times anyway.

Original poster

cupcake78 · 15/12/2013 11:27

I'm so bloody tired I could cry! Good idea about the light on a timer. We've done it. He messed about with the timer and cocked it up. Then just ignored it. Like I said we've tried every light, clock going. Laid out breakfast, toys etc.

Dh has just asked me why I'm so tired. Apparently he only heard ds and dd once each! I swear I could murder someone. I've put dh in front of the ironing board with a pile of ironing.

Dd has a cold and cough and keeps crying. I could just walk out and leave them all to it I'm that fed up!

OP posts:

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 15/12/2013 11:36

I don't think it will make a difference if you follow through on the tree thing or not, but if you decide not to then you do need to explain why and don't just assume he has forgotten it because that will be taken as "Mummy doesn't mean what she says".

DS also does the "Mummy you have to get up now" thing and then goes off to play on his own anyway so I could have gone back to sleep

He will happily stay in his bedroom playing on the tablet, though, and sometimes we leave cereal out for him so he can get himself breakfast. Other than that we have little cheap brioche rolls in (you get packs of 12 for about £1) and he can have a couple of those. We engineered high-value items for this purpose, but it's paid off and we sometimes get left to sleep until 8 or even 9 at the weekends!

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/12/2013 11:40

If he wakes you again say 'if you aren't tired, mummy will be through in a minute to help you tidy your room/clothes [or something else that he hates]. If you are tired then go back to sleep until the clock says 'x' o'clock. You are a big boy now and if you aren't tired you need to do some chores'.

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