5 year old seperation anxiety since new baby (4weeks old)

[Hyperhelpmum]

I'm losing my patience with my DS who has developed seperation anxiety since DC3 arrived 4 weeks ago. We have another child who is 3. DS has started crying if: it's windy ( we might get blown away) he and little brother are I car and one of us pops inside to get something or shuts the door and walk round to our side to get in, won't settle at night, coming down repeatedly and crying saying he is scared and can't hear us, is thinking about monsters etc, if DH or I are quiet/ not in his sight in house he gets very upset and shouts for us and cries. I am reassuring him, having special time with hi in evenings, talking it all through but nothing works. I am SO tired with newborn and other child that I'm beginning to loose my patience. It's the evenings that are worst. He comes downstairs repeatedly and calls out/'appears on stairs to check we are still here's what can I do? Any advice? He looks awful with huge black rings under his eyes and is misbehaving in the day as he is so tired. We all are!

You poor love. It's a huge strain.

Except if you dismiss your older dcs fears then they'll continue for longer.

It sounds like you are doing so very very well, coping with the needs of a newborn and your other dcs. I know how it feels to lose your rag with a child who keeps appearing when you are anticipating some peace.

So, spend a bit of extra time at bedtime with your older dcs, invest in those few minutes. Hug them a few times more. Whisper to them how special they are and why a few times more. Sit outside their bedroom with your phone for a few minutes, letting them know you are there but distant.

You will reap far more from being available than from being distant. It will drive you mad for a bit but it's worth it.

Sorry to sound preachy

It's not separation anxiety at this age, it's anxiety about the new baby and his position in the house that's coming out this way. He needs to be reassured that you still have time for him and still love him just as much as before - that he hasn't been supplanted. I completely agree with winky - spend more time with him, reassure him. Let him help you with the baby and make him feel like an important big brother - that he's vital to the baby's happiness.

Can your DP do more with him too? How about some special outings with the two of them alone at the weekend? It will take time for this approach to bear fruit but you'll have a happier, more well-balanced DS as a result.

Thank you for your advice. I will try really hard to make him feel even more special (DH and I are very demonstrative and loving people anyway) and give him loads of cuddles. Quite hard when you see irritated and exhausted but in know its what he needs. He's almost pushing us to see if we will send him off/ leave. Poor boy. Makes you feel guilty for having another child but I'm sure he will love is for another sibling in the long run?!!!

Hi Hyper - I have two boys, 6 years apart, and when Ds2 was born it wasn't so much separation anxiety as in he just lost his place a little as the 'little un' was taking up so much time which was otherwise spent on him previously -

Lots of similarities between what we went through and what you have mentioned, but I do agree with the other posters a little, but normality 'with a few changes' is what I think worked best for us -

We involved him more as a 'big bro', gave him some responsibilities helping with Ds2, sitting with me singing songs at bedtime, tidying up a little, then when baby was asleep, having a little cuddle whenever and reading a book -

He loved the 'big bro' role, made him feel responsible, and stopped alot of what you mentioned, 4 years on he's a very protective older Brother, and they play together lovely x

I don't know if any of this helps, was really tough initially and I do feel your pain - I'm sure it's just a phase tho x