2yr old wont take meds, wont eat, very sad mummy

[Joyx2boys]

Hi my DS was 6wks prem, he's now 2.4yrs and eats very little, I've still been bottle feeding him at nap & bed time, and days when he becomes ill I give him more as he wont eat at all, even getting him to drink on these days is a struggle, in feb he was admitted to hospital as his illness (unknown as yet) hit a high point, so monday we finally got to see a paediatrician, whose testing for asthma, so we have a powdered med that can be taken on its own or mixed in on a spoon with a soft cold or cool food eg yoghurt, not to be mixed with liquids, also to give him inhaler 2-6 times a day. 3 days have passed & i've had chocolate moose, yoghurt & mac n cheese spat, thrown, & slapped all over me. The only med I can give him is paracetamol suppossitories, anything orally is thrown up, if i manage to get it in.

on tues I cut his formula down to 1.5 bottles at night, if he's wanted any more it's cows milk or water, in the past 4 days the amount of food he's eaten wouldn't fill a saucer. a few weeks ago he was ill & lost 7lbs in 2wks and he's very pale now, with dark patches under his eyes, but I need to get him to eat solids so he'll take his meds.

after he seen doc on monday he became ill that night, his symptoms are clear liquid runny nose then he starts coughing, his breath becomes very smelly, he starts passing a really lot of wind, his coughing becomes so bad at night that he starts throwing up, sometimes he gets diorrhea with it as well, also he becomes feverish but its in pulses all night, one minute he's burning up the next his temps normal, usually on the 2nd or 3rd day he starts wheezing, the next day or the 1 after the runny nose has become thick green yuk & he's on the mend, he has a constant residue on his top lip, from his nose & always has a cough esp at night.
at 1ish on wed morn I was sitting on the edge of the bath with him wrapped in a towel as he'd been coughing & choking he was burning up clammy to touch crying, shivering, slipping in & out of conciousness as he was exhausted, from the same the night before, i'm holding back tears as I dont want to upset him, after the coughing & gagging settled I gave him suppossitory, he slept on couch in his dads arms for 2nd night, I was upstairs with 3month old DS2, big guilt trip as DS1 was very upset I left the room. he slept in his bed last night but I had to go every 2hours & give him 10x puffs of the inhaler (its a multi-dose inhaler, I only give the 10 puffs if he becomes wheezy) then I was in his room on multiple occasions inbetween, checking he was still breathing.
Does anyone recognise these symptoms? and does anyone have any ideas on how to get him to eat, he ddoesnt have a favourite food & doesnt have a sweet tooth, I think because I'm so desperate for him to eat, he knows this & thats why he's refusing, I was so frustrated 1 meal time i held his hands & put the spoon in his mouth, & he started puting his fingers back his throat, like he was trying to make himself sick. I grow my own fruit and veg, make my own bread, so he's offered a good variety of fresh foods, why wont he eat, PLEASE HELP!

I think the milk isn't he problem tbh.
You need to cut the milk out.
Our eldest used to have warm milk morning and night and would eat little as a consequence.
His paed suggested we cut back and lo and behold he ate better.
Since then we have cut milk out completely a bd his bowel issues resolved too.

I agree that that much milk at that age is bound to be taking the edge off his appetite. If he's not a good eater, it's probably completely removing it.
I would also say that he is definitely picking up on your stress and anxieties. I know you need him to eat, but getting worked up about it isn't going to help (I speak from experience - Mum to a very stubborn toddler!!). Take a step back. Offer him food, if he doesn't eat it take it away and try later. I found that my DD responded better to 5 - 6 small meals throughout the day rather than 3 set meals. Also not necessarily meals as such - think what you want to feed him throughout the day and then split it up into 5 -6 sittings. so maybe some toast first thing, some cooked chicken and raw veggie sticks mid morning, some porridge at lunchtime with fresh fruit, yogurt and some crackers mid afternoon, cheese sandwich, fruit and treat in the evening. Overall a balanced intake of food for the day, just not formal meals.

thanks badvocatyuletide I'm planning on stopping it all together but I dont want to traumatise him by removing immediatly, I should have it stopped by mid jan, if not before, I've tried putting him straight to bed without a bottle and he screams the house down, & he's very stubborn, I tried waiting him out 1 night, just kept going in settling him & leaving again 4hours later I gave him a bottle. Its funny I work as a carer & dealing with other childrens behaviour troubles, is so much easier, we have so many families who's children we've helped, making their lives a bit easier & happier, but I cant sort my own, I Know all the trick to alter behaviour & cant get it to work with my own DS.

I know it's hard.
My ds was distraught.
But I did it and it really helped him.
If he has an intolerance to milk (as I and my ds2 do) then the sooner you stop giving it to him the better.
You need to sit down and explain that you think that the milk is making him feel poorly and that you need to try and do without for a few days and see how he feels.
Don't say it's forever.
Also, don't expect him to suddenly eat massive meals.
But I think you will soon see an improvement.
Good luck.

You could try giving him his bottles but thinning it down very gradually with water until it's more water than milk! Hydration is always a good thing lol. Eventually it won't be acting as a food so he will hopefully be hungry. Do it slowly or the bottle might end up the other side of the room!

Also reduce the amount each time fractionally so he doesn't notice.

Back off entirely with the food once the bottles are out of the equation. Just put food there in front of him, take it away if left and so on.

Always remember its easy to outwit a toddler if you take your mummy head off

Of course wait until the illness resolves.

See, I'm going to complicate the advice given and suggest caution with regard cutting out the milk. I understand the advice given above and still think it is sensible, but hear me out. He hasn't yet had a firm diagnosis - possibly / probably asthma with frequent infective exacerbations, but you don't have definitive test results or repsonses to treatment yet as it sounds early days with regard to paediatrician involvement. If he was a well healthy child with no medical problems then absolutely, cutting down his milk intake to increase his appetite for solids makes perfect sense. But a child who is poorly may simply not have an appetite or want to eat solids, and at least the formula he is having is packed full of nutrients that his diet would otherwise be lacking due to poor eating. My ds1 had severe feeding difficulties as a baby and was in and out of hospital for milk refusal and dehydration, which all had a knock-on effect with his eating. He developed a food phobia and didn't even start weaning until he was 15mo and even then it was only things like biscuits - on advice of the SALT team as he needed to learn to swallow and spat everything less dissolvable out. I'm also a GP. A child barely eating is of course not ideal and very worrying for the parents, but if he is still getting some nutrients and vitamins then that is better, and a period of being underweight and not eating while unwell will be unlikely to have any longterm heath repercussions. Ds1's paediatrician (a leading UK expert of feeding problems in babies and children) was always hugely reassuring about weight and lack of food.

I totally feel for you holding his hands and pushing a spoon into his mouth - I did the same, I was desperate too. But I wish I hadn't done it. In hindsight I wish I'd managed to remain outwardly calmer, so at least ds1 didn't pick up on my stress and consequently lead to increased problems with his willingness to eat. What you are going through now will hopefully be a - albeit rubbish and horribly stressful - shortish period of time which you have to ride out, whereas the eating issues can be addressed over a longer period of time, when he is well, with support from your paediatrician / dietician. I wuld personally give him formula morning and night, with vitamin drops such as dalavit in, and offer him meals during the day and see how he gets on. Chat to him calmly as he eats / doesn't eat, and have something to eat yourself. Remove the plate calmly afterwards even if he has touched nothing and is getting upset, and get him cleaned up and down from the table so he doesn't think you have any issue with him not having eaten. If you find after a few days of doing this that he hasn't eaten any solids, I would also give him an extra bottle mid-morning or mid-afternoon. He won't gain weight on a diet of just milk and he will probably lose some weight, but at least he'll have fluids and vitamins on board.

I totally understand your anxiety, but from an outsider perspective it is easier to be a bit more objective - if he has suffered from asthma and infections for a while untreated, then he is understandably feeling grotty and not wanting to eat. Hopefully if he gets the appropriate treatment and starts to improve, his appetite will start to increase as he begins to feel better. Adults don't eat when we feel ill either. I really hope you start to see an improvement soon and that you get good support from your health professionals - if not, make sure you ask for it, children not eating is too stressful to deal with all on your own. All the best xx

My dc have asthma too and milk def exacerbates it.
Seriously, stop the milk.

Thanks for all the advice so far everyone, I dont think the milk is causing his health issue as he drinks a lot of milk and is not always unwell, it seems 2 happen in 2-4wk intervals, he's even gone 5wks without being ill, in the periods when he's well he does eat solids some day's he pick at food & others he munchies all day, although these days are rare, and he's mostly quite picky, in the summer he goes round the garden pulling peas of to eat munching strawberries & blueberries & i've had 2 put a fence up to keep him out the greenhouse as i caught him trying to climb the staging to get at the grapes, so he does eat when he's well, but rarely in the evening when he needs his medicine, its trying to get the medicine in him that's become a challange, & has caused a refusal to eat. mummyxtwo thankyou for mentioning the dalavit he's prescribed this and i've been meaning to order it as its almost finished & kept forgetting, now its ordered, he spent the morning with my parents and has had a few grapes 2 slice of cold meat & he took a chocolate santa of my mums tree and ate that, still not much in a day, but its a start, I'll try what you suggested about the meal times, maybe let his dad try for a few days, he doesn't stress like me. If I think he's not getting enough I will give him more formula, I've been trying to get him of it for a while and every time I've tried he's became ill and I up the amount again, I just feel its now or never, in a day or two he'll be over it again for another few weeks, and hopefully will start eating, & i'll find a way to get the meds into him. I'll call his HV tomorrow and see what she says, he's not got a dietician, if he doesn't start eating better over the weekend, I'll up the milk again & see if we can speak with a dietician.

As I said wait till all the illnesses are out of the way before addressing the eating. Tbh the illnesses don't sound much worse than most toddlers especially in a nursery setting or with older siblings, apart from the breathing issues which I hope resolves itself soon.

Although formula milk is a good food it is not nutritionally complete and he needs the micronutrients found in a wide variety of fruit and vegetables, as well as meat based protein and carbohydrates.

I think there is a strong possibility his lack of optimum nutrition is contributing to his recurrent illnesses. Vitamins and minerals found in food are absorbed better than those found in vitamin drops.

At 2.4 there is never a need to spoon feed and this may have led to some oral aversion issues. Sorry not guilt tripping you, I have done it myself so made the same mistake . Read somewhere that you should get someone to spoon feed you to realise how awful it is

I still think that the large volumes of milk are part of the problem, not the solution, but necessary until he recovers. Good luck Feeding problems are up there with not sleeping!

I think you should ask for more help on this front. My sil is an NHS dietician and advises people on all sorts of issues. I think you need support and a plan, so you know about good and possibly high calorie food to encourage him to eat when well and support over the milk concern you have. I would be intrigued to know whether an expert would feel its a good food substitute - we're told it's good till they're one, I can't see that changing massively by the time they're two when nothing else is accepted.

You sound like you are dealing phenomenally well with an awful situation. You're doing a grand job. X x

I meant to say before, the only way I could get ds1's movicol into him - which was meant to be dissolved in 60ml water - was by mixing it with 5ml water then stirring it into the contents of a jar of Hipp chocolate and vanilla pudding, then spooning it back into the jar before giving it to him. He didn't notice the taste then, whereas he wouldn't touch it as a drink or mixed with anything else. I had to stir it in gently or it curdled slightly - he still ate it though.

Thanks again everyone, I managed to get him to take his meds last night, I sat down with some jelly, with meds mixed in a spoonful, and I sat on sofa next to him pretending I was eating it, after a few mins I offered him some & he ate 2 spoonfuls, then this morning he ate porridge for breakfast & ate his lunch at nursery, well the savoury part, left the yoghurt & fruit, but tonight he didn't touch his dinner so failed with meds, but he didn't have a nap today, tried twice, so he was exhausted, & moody. He's almost back to normal now, for a few weeks anyway, I've started a diary of what he eats & drinks everyday to see if these attacks are food related, have to go now DS2 wants supper, I never get long he's always looking for food.