Anyone else have the quietest child in the class?

[gettngbetter]

DS is 4. His teacher told me today he is the quietest in the class

I feel heartbroken for him as I have struggled with shyness my whole life. I have painful memories of school and being the one left over when teams were picked etc.

Because I'm shy myself I feel it is likely to be genetic and maybe not something he'll grow out of

I'm worried that as he grows up he'll get forgotten by the other children and won't get invited to as many parties or have as much fun as the other children.

At the moment he loves going to school. The teacher said he is quiet but not timid. He plays with another boy who is quiet. At times he is happy to play by himself.

He is also quiet tantrumy - he's gets angry easily. When we go out to meet other kids his age he is always the one who gets grumpy or angry about something. He doesn't seem to react to stress well.

My dad put pressure on me to socialise as a child - and I don't want to make this an issue for DS

Someone suggested speech and drama but (maybe I'm being a bit negative here) I don't think that could do much to counter his natural personality

Anyone else every experienced this and have any suggestions. I wish there was some magic answer

Drama really can be a positive thing.

My youngest dd was very, very quiet and shy. She just would not talk to people she didn't know. To others she was always really quiet, although in her case, didn't help that her sister spoke for her all the time. She would hide behind me when out and about. She would spend time on her own a lot in the classroom and playground. Her teachers over the years assured me that she would come out of it. Even at one point I had professionals looked at her.

Then in secondary school she found drama. And omg, did she come out of her shell. During all her quiet years, she absorbed lots both educationally and watching people. Where other kids were running around playing, or messing about in class, she was quietly sitting there absorbing everything around her. Now, I just need to find a suitable gag because she never shuts up.

hi op. my eldest DD is now 6.5 and she was really quiet and shy at playgroup and in Reception, though not at home. (Also, one of youngest in year which doesn't help.)

By middle of year 1 she was really coming out of her shell, and now year 2, confident, noisy ...

All children are different, just keep giving her love and support and be a positive role model and you may well find it passes...

sorry, keep giving him

Ds2 was the quietest boy in the class. He barely spoke to anyone for the first 6 months. He is 16 now and I would still describe him as a quiet boy. He is quite shy, however he does well at giving class talks, he has a good singing voice and has sung a solo in a school concert and he plays violin in several orchestras, performs in concerts and plays solo at festivals so it's not holding him back. He also has loads of friends.

Thanks for the positive replies - it really does make me feel a bit better

I suppose I can live with him being quiet as long as he's not timid or lonely.

The reception teacher told me DS1 was so quiet that she had to remember he was there, she really worried me.

He is now in y6 and is a very confident boy, lots of friends, loves school, speaks his mind and chats to teachers with ease. You would not believe he was the same child that started at the school!

DS2 was also very shy and still is more reserved than DS1 at school, but I can see his confidence beginning to appear gradually.

Try not to worry.

My DS was and still is the quietest boy in the class. Maybe he's even the quietest in the whole school? He has no problem talking to his friends (he has plenty of those), it's just teachers/adults he can't cope with.

Three years of drama didn't help at all so he gave up at the end of the last school year. Instead he seems to be becoming more confident through sport & music (I think he likes hiding behind an instrument).

I've learnt not to push him as we both end up getting upset

DD was definitely the quietest child in reception. She would never, ever put her hand up or answer a question, she could hardly speak to or make eye contact with her teacher even to say good morning. She didn't greet other kids who'd say hi to her. I despaired that she'd ever make friends. Her shyness seemed to me to come across as rude and I felt embarrassed by it sometimes.

But actually she was fine. She found 3 or 4 other quiet, shy kids with similar interests and now she has her little gang who she feels quite confident with (they can even be quite loud at times). She is very imaginative and can be quite happy to play on her own making up role plays and drawing.

She's now in Y2. She is still one of the quietest but she says her lines really well in the play and she has been able to talk to the class about something she was interested in.

I love DD so much but I've got to admit I found her hard to understand sometimes and her silent sulks very frustrating (maybe more so than a tantrum). I realise she is much more like DH than me but that's no bad thing at all.

I guess what that's a long way of saying is they're all different. He will be OK. Just love and celebrate him for who he is.

Awwww. Unless he's actually selective mute, I wouldn't worry.

You could try reading 'Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that won't stop talking' by Susan Cain. My DH is an introvert and said it made lots of things clear to him - I'm reading it now and, as an extrovert with an introvert DS, so far it's making sense. There's a chapter on supporting an introverted child, but I haven't got to it yet.

My three were always the quiet ones throughout their schooling and still are in many ways, however my DD can't be quiet any more as she is now a primary teacher and has to try and keep 30 yr1's quiet