Hi all- I'm hoping someone on here will have an experience that can help us or some suggestions to tell me I'm worrying unnecessarily.
I am the step mum of two boys I adore - one is nearly 4 and one is 5, the 5yo is the sweetest child and so kind, but we are struggling with the 3yo.
They live with their mum and it's very amicable- we share weekends & holidays and both families always put the kids 1st and have consistent rules and methods of discipline between the two homes so they are not confused at weekends - and we are all equally worried about my DSS but none of us has a clue where to start!
He has always been very sullen and his tantrums (which started at 6months and have never stopped) are so ragefull- he isn't upset with being disciplined- just so furious he gets hysterical. When he is getting his own way he can be a lovely child and his speech & sense of pretend and play all seem normal.
What is worrying us is he has started whispering to himself when he is in timeout or a room alone - and it's all aggressive and horrible things like 'I'm going to punch them, I'll kick them, I'll kill them'. We have no idea where he has learned this. His mum says he whispers about killing Santa if Santa doesn't stop watching him. He regularly tells my husband that he doesn't love him, and he says this too his mum too - not in response to being told off- just says it out of nowhere. He bites his teacher at school and they are taking special measures about his behaviour. He refuses to do anything he doesn't want to do and generally seems to bully his big brother into getting his own way as his reactions are so disproportionate his brother just relents.
We don't know if this is 'normal'. I know divorced parents can be disruptive but both the boys are loved so much, fed healthy food, encouraged to play and have fun and both families do everything 'right' by them and work together. We try and do the super nanny method of timeout and repeating that we mustn't hit people, we mustn't kick or bite but nothing works.
His behaviour is so variable - like Jekyll & Hyde (mostly Hyde I'm sad to say) that we know he is capable of being nice and its unlikely ASD. The school suggested ADHD but the specialist seems to think not.
Any suggestions? We are worried the mean streak won't abate and will get worse when he gets older so we'd like to help him before it gets unmanageable if there is a problem. Any advice would be gracefully received!