Absolutely appalled with my sons behaviour

[rach89]

My 7 year old has been difficult since he was around two. He point blank refuses to listen to anything I say, he constantly picks on his sister, he has mega tantrums. He has massive issues with food and only eats three things willingly. He has been psychologists for about 3 years and they have come up with no definitive diagnosis. Yesterday after a holy tantrum because he didn't want to read, he threw his book under the dishwasher and because I wouldn't get it out at that minute (dishwasher was full and washing!) he spat in my face! I sent him to bed for the rest of the day he than spent the next hours hours coming down hurling abuse an slamming doors! I really am at the end if my tether nothing works with him. He behaves perfectly well elsewhere and this behaviour is restricted to when he's with me. Feel like giving up to be perfectly honest.

That sounds dreadful rach - I can't offer any advice, but you're doing the right thing by looking for help.

Have PMed you.

I wish i could offer advice but i don't have a clue what i am doing with mine half the time. I hope that someone wise and sensible will be along to help. take care.

I saw your thread the other day but then decided against posting in case my post wasn't helpful but have just come across it again and seen you still have no replies :(

I was going to recommend the book "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons", I have been reading it to help me out with my 5 year old who sometimes makes me feel an utter failure as a parent and totally out of control, and it has helped. I felt like a book was a bit of a wimpy thing to post on a thread when someone is desperate, but I suppose anything is worth a try when you get to that state, it has helped me.

Hope somebody sees this who can offer more immediate constructive advice!

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Get a copy of The Explosive Child. It's how to parent your child when normal parenting techniques don't work. I downloaded it to the Kindle app on my iPhone for about a fiver.

I sympathize and have a seven year old boy who would fit that description. I can't suggest anything constrictive as very little is helping us at the moment, though talking to school helped to understand that he can behave and cope in a very structured environment. but, I didn't want you to think you. were alone in dealing with this as I know how isolating it can be

Ask your G.P for help. Also check out the checklist for ODD and see how much that your child measures up on the checklist. His problem probably has nothing to do with you, so do not feel bad. But do what I said as I know too many children who went undiagnosed and they are living as miserable adults, causing misery. This was mainly because their parent/s were caught up in a "what am I doing wrong?" dynamic, instead of "what is wrong?" dynamic. Good luck.

my smallest is v challenging
i am hoping that it is 'just a phase' and am trying to agree and love her out of it
everyday is an absolute chore which makes me feel so defeated

I hope it starts to get better soon

Hi there rach89. I was interested to see your post as I was looking around for people going through a similar experience to me with my 6 year old son. He also goes through phases of not listening to adult instruction at all and reacting very aggressively to something he decides he doesn't want to do, or not getting his way or to sudden change, and today it culminated in the actual head of his school smacking him on his bottom after he slapped the head's face. I am going to check out the 2 books recommended here, but I was wondering if stoosh you could tell me what ODD stands for, as I am definitely a parent that is currently thinking 'what am I doing wrong?', although after today it has clearly turned around to him having an issue of sorts. Our GP referred him to CAHMS today to get support and a diagnoses of possible ASD. (Autism Spectrum Disorder.) It's all quite messy, and I feel so for my son as he is clearly hurting and feels unable to communicate his anger and frustration in an appropriate manner. Good luck with it all rach89, I feel for you...and perhaps giving up and trying everything that doesn't work is actually the answer....regroup, reset, ignore...I don't know I've tried it all too....quite distressing and so confusing cos you think you have it nailed with a new set of boundaries and motivational praise etc and then from one day to the next none of that stuff works anymore and you're back to square one, if not further back....and trying to take in what others have to say about it and their advice, and then you end up trying something that doesn't really suit your nature but there's a voice in your head saying well she would do it like this and then you end up not parenting like yourself but trying to parent as you think you should, and not parenting instinctively and that is mighty confusing and not consistent...etc...I'm sure you are with me....

I can sympathise totally with u as I am have very similar problems with my 8 yr old boy. I have found him very challenging since he was 16 Krus! It is his pure defiance and aggressive behaviour that I struggle with mainly and the fact that he is so well behaved outside of the home and is such an adorable child when he isn't misbehaving! I think some of his 'episodes' are put on, but due to him saying something at school, we r finally getting some support and he is going on the 'elsa' program in the new year. My partner and I are also going on a positive parenting course in January! If u would like to talk directly to another desperate mum, I would be happy to hear from you! Good luck!

• 16 months :)

myfairlady did I read that right, the headteacher hit your son?

No words of wisdom but you are not alone. DS pushed my buttons relentlessly today until I snapped and slapped my own face in frustration. Enough is enough. I realise I really need to get back in control.

I've never done anything like that in front of him before (have v bad PMT and I have hit myself as a result before but never with him around). His dad also used to hit himself (I learned the behaviour off him). Worryingly, DS smacks himself if he doesn't get his own way. He just flips.

I'll be downloading some books tonight - let's hope they work for all of us!