I don't know what else to do with her? 10 dd

[singarainbow]

10 yo DD is constantly hitting, kicking out at her siblings (7 & 4) and when we ask "what would you do that for?" she replies "x was annoying me". They could just be sitting colouring, or on some occasions are annoying her. She doesn't think that it's ever her fault, and that x is to blame, just by existing it seems! Tonight I had a talk to her and said that as she was not behaving in a mature fashion for a 10yo that she is losing those things which come with being a 10 yo, so away went her phone and her make up, nailvarnish (she just plays with it, looks like a clown but thinks she is grown up!). She didn't bat an eyelid.
We have no idea how to handle her temper, her attitude and her violence any more. This is not new, it's just more of a problem now because she is so much bigger.
We have tried reward charts, tried ignoring it and letting them sort it out, but then she escalates until we have to intervene for safety, we have had parenting courses, nothing seems to work. We are really at the end of our tether.

My 10 and 13 year old are put in the garden to reflect. They have footwear and a coat. It's all done calmly. They hate it!

We also send them to bed early if its early evening. Bread/water if they haven't haven't had their evening meal yet.

Or I'd not cook for them and give them their own food to cook. I don't run a hotel or cafe!

Also aim to have one to one time though. We play lots of word games and do artie things without the smaller ones.

Look closely for an underplaying reason. Is she jealous of your younger ones and therefor doesn't feel warm towards them. How do you speak to her? Are you warm and attentive to her?

Is she unhappy about something generally?

DD has always been a bit difficult to manage, and after years of thinking its because DS came along, or its because she started school, its because its school holidays, its because she moved up a year, its because ....... sure you get the picture. She is lovely in some ways, never affectionate with anyone, but she is funny and bright. She just can turn so quickly with no rhyme or reason. Youngest DD is confused by her hot/cold treatment of her, one minute she is all over her willing to play, the other she is screaming that she is an "idiot" and being violent towards her.
Things got so bad a few years ago we asked to be referred to CAMHS, but they came and talked to us, never spoke to DD, and said she has anxiety issues, and put us on a parenting course. She is good at school, and works hard, so the school never really knew what we were struggling with.