New mum to a 3 YO!

[Feebeela]

Hello,
I recently joined MN because we adopted a nearly 3YO boy last month. He is gorgeous and we are bonding nicely as a family but there is so much that we just don't know because we have never been parents before and he didn't grow up with us. So my question is; What should we expect from a 3 YO? He eats well and we are changing his diet from the processed crap he ate at his (wonderful) foster carers but what should his portions be? Snack mid morning and afternoon? How much milk?
He sleeps well (luckily!) but protests wildly if we put him down for a nap.
What words of wisdom would you like to pass onto to a newbie mum?

Thank you!

Congratulations

First thing that springs to mind is that a lot of 3 year olds don't nap (both of my DC dropped them by 2.5) so that might be why he protests at nap time.

Agree to no nap, my dd hasn't napped since about 1.5yrs, will sometimes fall asleep in car etc. but doesn't actually go down for nap! Milk...just like a normal drink, dd has one cup before bed and a cup on day for a drink if she wants it. Dd is a nightmare for eating so can't help there. She grazes a lot but portion size for their age is small! Guidelines are on internet somewhere but much less than you'd think so don't panic! Congratulations and good luck x

Congratulations

I suggest you post on the adoption boards? Many of the people there will have asked the same sorts of questions as you and understand about the processes you and ds are going through.

Welcome to parenthood and MN.

If you're worried about how much he is eating, it may be best to give him small (really small) portions at first and let him have more if he wants it. A big portion can be quite off-putting for a child as it seems too daunting. Kids love playing with food - making pictures or patterns, cutting sandwiches into funny shapes etc all work well. It's hard to over or under-feed a child of 3 - you can't make them eat if they don't want to, and they won't let you starve them!!
Congratulations by the way :) 3 is a lovely age

Ds probably won't need naps now my dd gave up at about 2.2. I am sure you have a healthy diet sorted for him and don't stress to much about the milk thing. Milk on cereal....yoghurt etc all count towards. My dd is 3.5 normally has a drink of milk in morning but water mainly throughout the day. Wishing you lots of luck x

Congratulations!
My 3 yr old hasn't napped for a long time, so it's unlikely one is needed. As for food, my son is still quite fussy but will try many foods and is broadening his horizons. He is starting to eat me out of house and home. Breakfast he eats loads. 1-2 Weetabix, then maybe some toast and maybe 30-60 mins later he tells me he's hungry so I start on fruit and son on. Only has milk at breakfast but eats plenty of cheese and 1-2 fromage frais pots a day.
He never sits still unless asleep or I'll. Fidgets all day long and if at home I try to do something active to burn off energy, soft play/walk etc. due to fidgeting I go through loads if trousers as he does knee slides everywhere!
Everything is danger/secret agent/ maps/ adventure at the moment and all with sound effects a too!
Good luck

Congratulations
My Dts are 3, I feed them till they stop eating. I think young dc are pretty good at self moderating portions, although some days they eat more than others. I don't think there is a set amount of milk at this age, it's just a healthy mixed diet.
My 2 have the occasional nap, I lie down with them in my bed till they fall asleep if they are really tired, worn out and grumpy, sometimes they take themselves up for a sleep in their own bed but mostly they go through and go to bed between 6,30 and 7.
No advice really, I wing it most of the time.

Congratulations again.

I agree, 3 is a wonderful age, so full of love, so curious, so much energy

Our DD eats pretty well. For main meals she tends to have a toddler size plate full - like these 18 cm plates.

Our DD isn't very into milk, but if she was, I would aim for 300ml milk to meet his needs for calcium, though yogurt and cheese can substitute for some of this milk. My DD loves cream cheese in sandwiches and wraps.

Toddlers can be pretty fussy about food, so good luck in moving his diet to one you approve of!

DD gave up on napping by about 2.9, so don't try to make him nap. Though falling asleep in the car once a week or so can reset a grumpy toddler (or at least did with my DD).

Have a routine - same wake up, meal times etc so he has structure and stability (sorry if that's patronising but I think little ones like it especially when they push boundaries).

Also get him outside every day. And plenty of physical play with your DH if you can. This is good especially for boys.

Will he go to preschool? Mine was ready for it at 3, but we just had mornings as it is tiring. Although might be too many changes in one go.

My ds had three meals a day plus two snacks at that age (mid morning and mid afternoon of fruit/yoghurt/biscuit).

Naps - I'd say not if he's fighting but do give him down time as well post lunch eg reading or watching tv for a time to recharge batteries.

At around 4 there's a testosterone surge so look out for that!

With food and my DS I really have to take a weekly (sometimes fortnightly) view. He is 4 and has always had 'eating weeks' and 'non-eating weeks'. If your DS is like mine it can be difficult to accept but once I gave up trying to enforce an eating pattern on him it was much easier.

I don't bother how MUCH he eats but don't let him either only eat the things he likes and avoid vegetables or fill up on crap/bread if he wants more.

Congratulations.

DD 2.9 has a sleep at day-care after lunch, but when she is at home with us, she will not have a sleep unless she falls asleep in the car. She does need a bit of down-time in the afternoon, so this is when we read stories or snuggle on the couch and watch a little bit of TV.

Milk, she has about 1/2 cup with breakfast and about the same after dinner. Water at other times.

Snacks mid-morning and mid-afternoon if she has eaten a good breakfast and lunch and is still hungry. If she is hungry she will eat almost more than me, at other times she picks. She is very good at regulating her portion sizes.

Aww, thanks MN! Anything else not necessarily eating and sleeping? What's this testosterone surge?? Sounds awesome!

Congratulations.

My youngest, of three, is 3 in Jan so a similar age. I've been through this age twice before but each child is such an individual its learning whats right for you and them. DD sleeps well, would benefit from a bit of a nap but resists and does her best impression of a temper tantrum if I try to put her down.

Currently we have lunch at the table then a drink and chopped up fruit in front of a film lying on the sofa for quiet time. A couple of days a week she'll drop off, a couple she'll rest and a couple she'll resist all rest and late afternoon i'll strap her in the pushchair and fast walk her on the school run when she usually drops off. DS2 used to always drop off in the car.

My favorite bits of advice are...what ever it is, its a phase (its a coverall, good or bad don't get to settled cause it'll change)

And parenting is a dictatorship. This ones from my dad and sounds a little harsh but is a reaction to people calling their DC their little friends. I think children are happier with clear boundaries. The boundaries are for each family to establish but they need to be clear and consistent from their dictators.

DD likes to colour, her brothers didn't at this age, she plays play dough and with building blocks, she uses cutlery reasonably well but struggles with her knife. She brushes her own teeth after we've done a basic brush. She is starting to dress herself and puts on her own coat/ boots to go out. She loves playing jigsaws on a touchscreen interface (tablet/ desktop). She loves feeding the ducks and splashing in puddles. She's not potty trained (i need to get on with it).

With food I'm trying not to stress with DD. She has eating well days and not eating well days. So long as she eats across the food groups I within reason don't fuss. For example she can't leave all her veg and then ask for biscuits ten minutes later. Fortunately she loves veg so tends to be an all or nothing girl.

I have a 3 year old DS and I think the one thing I'd say is there is no 'normal'. It's a really special age of self discovery and independence and their little brains are in overdrive working it all out. Their skills vary massively and their development comes in surges. Whatever your child can and can't do is fine, they'll learn something else tomorrow! With my boy, I find it's important to get him out in the fresh air most days, it does seem to help his behaviour and regulate his emotion a bit. I also agree with the other poster about clear boundaries, it helps them know they are safe, particularly as they grow and are testing their independence. Good luck and most of all enjoy!

Ds will be 3 in april. So know im a few months out...but he mixes with alot of older kids.

No naps....well ds wont have one and I only know one 3 yo that wont go on a rampage at the mention of sleeping in the day.

Food....dont panic. I think at that age they are pretty good at eating as m7ch as they need. Ds goes through phases. I really panicked at first when he hardly ate anything.....now it saves me cooking looooads. :p if you have trouble getting veg into him after all the processedstuff.....

I find that blending a load of veggies.....courgette, mushrooms, leek, etc in with tinned toms and spices works brilliantly for a bolognaise or just pasta sauce....aand fussy non veg eaters are none the wiser. I still offer ds other veg too though to encoirage but not push him iyswim. He likes to help cook and this encourages him to eat what hes made. :)

Ive found that ds works a bit like a dog....when he gets a bit too much energy I need to take him out for a run. I set him loose in the fields over the road once or twice a day... and sometimes he even gets a bit puffed out!!

Get ready for a hilarious time also. Boys ( well, my one) are gross, mucky, find everyrhing toilet related hilarious, are unhealthily obsessed with willies and can turn a room upside down in a nanosecond ( I know girls can and do do all of this too) but they are so loving and the cuddles are amazing. Ds is a right snuggler when hes finnished terrorising me for the day. :)

Good luck and congratulations :)

Congratulations OP, this is such lovely news and welcome to Mn [thamks]

Agree that the best place to post is probably the adoption board. You can ask MNHQ to move this thread by pressing report and then just asking them

Ive found that ds works a bit like a dog....when he gets a bit too much energy I need to take him out for a run. I set him loose in the fields over the road once or twice a day... and sometimes he even gets a bit puffed out!! had to at this. I always say that looking after my DS is a lot like looking after a dog, lots of food, lots of exercise, lots of praise and of course lots of love!

Congrats!

I have a 3yr old and a 6yr old so I can tell you what they are (were) like and it might help a little.

No naps by this age. Bed around 7, up about 6.30am. Neither sleep through but I don't know if that is normal or not.

3 meals and two snacks a day. Ds would have a cup of milk at bedtime but dd won't touch it. I would say maximum two cups a day otherwise it could impact appetite.

The testosterone surge is usually around 4 or 5 years old. Basically boys are like dogs. They need loads of physical activity and lots of food too!

What's this testosterone surge?? Sounds awesome!

Ah, OP you've done your reading, you'll know as much as any first time parent! Huge congrats on becoming a mummy. The testosterone surge seems to occur around 4yo, where they can get an excess of energy (um, ds1 has always had that) and a bit more aggression. When ds1 started nursery at nearly 4yo there seemed to be quite a bit of hitting going on and ds1 was a bit taken aback by it all. That has all settled down now though - he is 5yo (tomorrow!! so excited!)

While I agree with the others that he probably doesn't need a nap, bear in mind that if you have had a particularly busy day he may want / need an impromptu nap in the car or on the sofa in the afternoon. deally you don't want that to be too late or he may wake up full of beans at bedtime, but tbh trying to keep an exhausted child awake late afternoon is impossible if you don't want a full-on meltdown to occur! I would just bear in mind that boys are like big dogs - they need exercising daily (ideally a good chase around a park or similar) - and just be flexible with regard naps / lack of. I probably wouldn't attempt a formal nap but would allow a doze in the car or on the sofa if required. Don't stress too much if this is later in the afternoon than ideal, your routine will not get mucked up with the odd day out of kilter. If he doesn't have dinner one day and you just transfer him from the sofa into bed at bedtime he'll be just fine. Be flexible and roll with it! All the best and congrats again.

Massive congratulations! My DD is 3 and 2 months. She doesn't nap unless she's had a really busy physical morning and she's in the car! She has milk on request and I don't worry if she doesn't have any as it is not needed for development or growth as there are plenty of other foods with calcium etc. DD has breakfast with me, breakfast at nursery, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and dinner again when she's home so, you can imagine, weekends and days off are an eating fest! She's a right old skinny minny too .

She loves creative play, and if you're on FB, see if you can find The Imagination Tree as there are some great ideas for play there and excellent play dough recipes. 3 year olds also have tremendous imaginations and a big capacity to absorb information and ask questions. I love seeing DD making a choice over things like what to wear! She's hugely into role play and uses play to act out anything stressful she has experienced like hair washing or falling over. So, for example, she'll wash her baby doll, explaining to it that it needs it's hair washing etc. I say this, as you may find your DS doing a fair amount of role play to deal with his transition. Talking through the day is nice for them too over an evening cuddle, it's good for ironing out previous upsets etc.

For bedtime, we always do bath at 6, pjs, stories (4 books), cuddles and songs then night time and she has 12 hours.

Can remember DS getting that surge. He suddenly became less toddler and more boyish, he even smelt more boyish.

Just wanted to add congratulations. :)

Congratulations! My DD is 3.2 and still drinks a vast amount of milk - about 400 mls a day, split over morning and night. It has no impact on her appetite, though she's not much of a breakfast eater. She eats well at lunch and dinner and has a small mid-morning snack and a quite substantial afternoon tea at pre-school (and that's before eating an adult portion-sized dinner!). She drinks very little water, which I think is why she packs away so much milk (I only offer juice on special occasions). If she doesn't have a good appetite it usually means she's ill. She also still has a nap at pre-school - about 40 mins to 1 hour - but refuses to at home. She sleeps around 11 hours a night.

3 is a fun age. 2 was HAAARD. I agree that it's an age for role play - my DD is an only and I'm getting a bit sick of having to play the little girl to her mummy. My DD likes to make me put my coat on, take me to 'school' (our front room), wave bye-bye and then slam the door. (She usually orders me to cry too.)