The incredible sleep delaying tactics of a 3yo

[BusyCee]

Every night we follow the same routine; bath, teeth, stories in bed, sleep. Until the last couple of wks. Now we have the following shouted at us from upstairs; I need a poo; I need the duvet turned round; the light is in my eyes. Actually,he's not that innovative it's usually a variation of one or all of these. Can go on until 9pm or later. And it's driving me spare - in starting to really lose my patience as I need some downtime to maintain some mental stability too, which I'm currently not getting

To resolve I've tried the following; I'llcome up again in x minutes if you're a good boy and there's no shouting; if you need a poo you can use the potty in your room (our bathroom is downstairs and he uses the trip down and back up again to try to engage us in conversation/games); going in and settling him without talking. And yet we continue to have the same performance each night. As I type he's whining for his dad to go up.

Yes, he does have a new sibling. DS2 is 5mo. But we're not seeing any issues otherwise

Any thoughts?

Also. I missing my nice bedtime cuddles with him and hate the thought of him going to sleep upset and without a happy, comforting drift off to sleep

Does he still nap in the day? Our DS (3.2) has been going to bed more readily now that he's dropped his sleep and is exhausted.
Why do you need to go back up once you've settled him? If he gets out of bed for a last wee, don't engage in any conversation and put him back to bed as many times as it takes, calmly and quietly.
It may be that he wants a bit more of your time at storytime as your DS2 might be 'coming to life' a bit more and taking obvious attention away from DS1 in the day. Good luck.

Thanks he's just wound himself up so much he was a bit hysterical. A cuddle and he's gone off like a lamb...

DS2 gets a bottle from OH each night now, and yes he's dropped his daytime nap. He's quite a, uh, garrulous gobby child and I think he just wants to keep chatting. He says 'will you stay with me a little bit' sometimes, which breaks my heart and I want to do it, but I also need him to know and adhere to bedtime for my sanity. Did I mention he's a talker? Endlessly I don't make him sleep, he can play or read if he wants to before he goes to sleep, so am fairly relaxed in that sense.

Well, you might need to stop being relaxed. There isn't a set lights-out time from what you say, he's allowed to drift off in his own time. I think you need to put him in bed and say firmly - it's night-time now, turn off the light and take away his book or toys. Give him a firm boundary. He might find that easier to deal with rather than having to discipline himself.

My ds1 (5yo tomorrow) did exactly the same! And still does on occasion, but has mostly figured out now that it doesn't get him anywhere. I tried everything but in the end resorted to "if you shout out without good reason then one of your toys will be taken out of bed and will sleep on the chair". Then the threat was followed through and various toys spent the night on his chair. Not his two 'special' toys - I wouldn't have taken those off him - but he didn't like the toys being taken out of bed and it definitely lessened the shouting out.