11yr old is so forgetful and has frustrating behavior

[Leejo2013]

My son started year 7 in September he has been in trouble for disruptive behaviour within class and lack of organisation i.e forgetting equipment. I realise this is massive change from primary school for him to adjust too but what worries me the most he has been given detentions at lunchtimes but he keeps forgetting to go. This is turn gives him more detentions and he now has an after school detention! He has also been put on record.

I do believe he just forgets to go as he has always been like that! He is not naughty or rude but so frustrating that he is aware how upsetting his behaviour is having on him and the family!
How can I help him to be more responsible? (I practically pack his bag)
Any tips I would really appreciate x

If you're sure he's genuinely forgetting he's obviously struggling with executive function and needs some support to help him in school. My DDs have AS and my younger DD has major issues with executive function which means that she forgets and loses a lot.

The detentions are designed to deter bad behaviour and laziness but they won't cure your son if his is having genuine difficulties. They'll just make him feel stressed and he'll probably end up forgetting even more as a result.

I'd go in an speak to the SENCo about how they can help him rather than punishing him.

You can help at home by providing written checklists for routine tasks like getting dressed, packing his bag, etc.

I second the SENCO. My ds1 is very disorganised and forgetful and he's only in Y3 (dread the day secondary comes!). He does have some developmental delay issues so it kind of comes with the territory - mild adhd etc. You can have a bit of a problem without it being so pronounced that it's spotted very early. I think he needs help not more punishment. If the punishments aren't working anyway then they're pointless. Agree with a checklist too. Perhaps you have done too much over the years to compensate for this aspect of him, so you have never really seen the problem. Do you have other DC and how do they compare?

Thanks for all your advice. He did have a SENCO worker in primary school and they supported him well. The school pushed throughout his time there for various tests which all came back normal and in some cases he was doing work beyond his age. I have younger children but so far they don't display the same features but they very young yet.
It has always been a constant worry that he may have an underlying problem but then again think it may be just down to immaturity.
I have a meeting with his school so will suggest he needs to have continued support.
Thank you again, I really appreciate it x

In my ds's case, I like to have the SENCO involvement so there is a greater understanding that some issues are beyond his control. I just think teachers are dealing with a lot of kids, so if one is behaving in a way which is even a little bit difficult or frustrating it can be tempting to punish it/ jump on it/ send out of class/ shout at, or whatever. If teachers are aware there are underlying problems, even if they are not being treated or not severe, it creates a nicer environment for the child to go to school in.

What Merry said.

Secondary schools often seem to have a culture of punish first, ask questions if the parent kicks up a fuss. IMO it's a lazy way to manage behaviour but it's seen as a necessary evil in large schools.

You need to make it clear to the SENCo that all teachers must be made aware that he has these difficulties and should not be punished as a result of them. Also ask that a specific person or people are having regular, daily contact with him to check on his organisation and working with him to find strategies to help him become more independent and better organised.

Escalating the punishments in the way they are currently doing is cruel and pointless and will start to erode his self-esteem.