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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Constant back chat and attitude from DD (4)

10 replies

HaveToWearHeels · 03/12/2013 20:19

I work full time and dread the 2 1/2 I have with DD each evening, she is constantly back chatting me and has a right attitude. I have tried asking nicely not to speak to me like that, and she just says sorry or says she is not doing it.
I ask her to do things, to which I get "I am" (said with real attitude) when she clearly isn't, if I ask her again I get "alright, alright stop going on at me".
I am not proud of myself and sometimes I do shout at her because I just feel like she has no respect for me.
Sometimes when I tell her off I get "I'm sorry" on loop and she gets upset, I say OK, but she keeps on saying she is sorry. I have asked her to think before she does things then she wouldn't have to keep saying sorry, which just makes the whole situation go round in circles.

She is a loving little girl and is good for other carers (CM, DM, DMil) and also with DH. She is just so defiant with me. Any advise would be appreciated, I just worry that this will continue and can cause problems when she starts school in September.

OP posts:

ICameOnTheJitney · 03/12/2013 21:01

Golly...she's 2 and a half! What exactly are you asking her to do? Just things like "sit at the table?" etc? I mean, if she's had a day away from you then she will have to adjust...if I were you, I'd make sure that at least half of that two and a half hours is spent enjoying her company doing something nice. Obviously you must cook dinner but there's not much else to deal with when you should be spending quality time with your DD imo.

usualsuspect · 03/12/2013 21:04

She's 4,you need to pick your battles.

Original poster

HaveToWearHeels · 03/12/2013 22:56

Jitney she is 4 not 2.5. I am asking her to eat her dinner, take her shoes off, just small things. I spend the whole time with her as DH works from home he usually cooks so we play when we first get in we have tickles and cuddles then it usually goes wrong when dinner is called, she never comes to the table I have to keep getting up to ask her to eat, dinner is usually cold then it all goes down hill.

usual I have thought that but can I really let her get away with talking to me so badly ? If you think it might be a phase then I will gladly ignore the behavior.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 03/12/2013 23:00

It's probably a phrase.

Have you tried praising the good and ignoring the bad?

usualsuspect · 03/12/2013 23:00

Phase*

rootypig · 03/12/2013 23:03

You say she is ok with DH - cold he be doing more to make sure these things happen? Parenting takes a certain amount of nagging, do you share it between you?

paneer · 03/12/2013 23:21

how is she on weekends? could she be over tired in the evening?

Original poster

HaveToWearHeels · 04/12/2013 09:03

usual no I haven't, will give that a try.

rooty that's how I feel like I am constantly nagging, DH gets involved sometimes but he tends to be good cop.

paneer we do have the same behaviour at weekends if we are in the house, if we are out and about she is as good as gold.

OP posts:

rootypig · 04/12/2013 21:51

Well that's not fair and bound to be contributing. Tell him to sort it out!

ClaireH26 · 04/12/2013 23:04

We had exactly the same with my eldest at age 4 ( now nearly 5 the attitude and disrespect has nearly gone but the tantrums! Anyway that's another story). My advice is do not ignore it. Pick your battles yes, occasional disrespect is nothing to worry about but constant attitude and disrespect certainly is. If you do not insist upon good manners and good listening then she will repeat her behaviour in other more embarrassing places like school, with her grandparents or at a friends house.

We nipped the attitude and disrespect in the bud by CONSISTENTLY and I mean to the point where you want to slap yourself, refusing to engage her if she asked for something or spoke to us in a disrespectful way. " I don't like it when you speak like that. Ask me properly and I will help you". Stay calm, do not get angry and do not let her wind you up. She doesn't mean to be as annoying as she is, she is trying to get your attention in a negative way as well as probably copying how she and her friends are interacting with each other.

Be honest, can you hear any of yourself reflected back? Do you ever ask her to stop going on at you? You need to model how to communicate in a respectful way, 'do as I say not do as I do' doesn't work here, if you want her to learn respect then you need to be whiter than white in how you speak to her and those around you.

Finally, do not nag. I ask my daughter to do something once nicely. If she protests or answers back I explain why she needs to do it. I ask a second time firmly. Third time I count to 3. If you are not putting your shoes on/ brushing your teeth etc by the count of 3, then no cartoons, sit on the naughty step, whatever is punishment in your house. Do this without fail, you ask and she needs to listen.

These action points really really helped my daughter who now communicates a hundred times better. HTH

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