Any advice/thoughts welcomed...(It's a long one).
She has a brother who’s about to turn 6 (so, 15 month age gap). Older brother is (mainly) golden boy. They get on most of the time and are similar in many ways but life with DD is now becoming impossible. I am losing confidence dealing with her and don’t get much joy at spending time with her. Of course she’s aware of this which worries and saddens me. (My face shows all my emotions, I’m terrible at hiding how I feel. Once I tried to use a ‘Mary Poppins’ voice about her refusing to get dressed, she was 3.5 and said ‘use your real voice mummy or no one will know who you are’)
So, she started school full time very recently, of course, she’s exhausted. But she takes ages to wind down and then often, her older brother or a flush of the toilet chain will wake her up. She proably gets 10.5 hours sleep at most.
Some examples:
She usually uses a disgusting tone of voice – of course, she is mirroring how I can sound, but DS never sounds like this and I only do if I’m cross. She’s reprimanded for this: “That is not nice way to speak” and asked to apologise. If she apologises, all is forgotten (should it be?). But if a sarky/joke/not real apology, then she’s put in time out. Trouble lately is, she’ll go in time out and say, ‘I love it here!’, make out she enjoys it and then won’t come out.
Every single day that I pick her up from school, she comes out grumpy/negative. I pick her and DS up (who has come down from Y1 – should I make him wait? It would be hassle since it’s at an opposite end of the school, but I could pick them up separately?) and she says, “I had a bad day/There was something terrible that happened” – I have no idea now how to deal with this anymore. If I ‘indulge’…”Oh darling, what was so terrible?” she’s given the attention she wants and then we’re focusing on that, surely?
I’ve tried, “OK, that doesn’t sound too good. But let’s try to remember the positive/good thing about today first” then she’ll come back with “There was nothing good/positive/I didn’t enjoy anything” – there were some issues with a little girl at the start of term, I have brought up with the teacher who is dealing/has dealt with it. She is a seemingly confident (more likely insecure) girl who if anything would become the bullier, rather than be pushed around. We are extremely similar in temperament and I’m aware that therein lies the problem!
How this differs slightly to a similar post earlier where tiggyhop gave great advice, is it’s not really her ‘behaviour’ which is causing us issues but her very nature. I fear she’s really unhappy! The unacceptable stuff, repeatedly shouting/demanding/occasionally hitting out at her brother – we deal with immediately. Now, she is starting to companin of physical systoms when clearly there is nothing wrong. I don’t want this to ‘become’ something, if you know what I mean.
Everything is negative to her, it seems. Bedtime is a struggle. I try and get DH to do her reading with her because I find the way she won’t attempt it at all but ‘guesses’ whilst rolling/lolling round on the bed drives me mental and I can’t be patient enough with her. I know this is my issue so DH is happy to do reading with her when he gets in. I make sure I do her colouring phonics – which she loves – when we get in from school together.
She does pyjama drama (after school 45 min fun class, not stage school drama but games) once a week and yesterday when I picked her up, the feedback was she loves the more energetic stuff but cannot sit still in a circle and will roll/lol around the floor and not listen/refuse eye contact etc…when required to sit nicely. I’m not there to see this. When asked if she enjoys it she sometimes says ‘yes’ and other times, ‘no’. Do I decide for her and pull her out?
Husband is suggesting giving her that 1-2-1 if she’s so desperately craving it and thinks we should separate at the weekends and take it in turns to be with each child separately. What do people think of this idea?
When we are all together, it is hectic. Neither of my children really ‘let’ DH and I ‘talk’ but that’s another thing!
We did a Triple P course that was useful, but only to a degree. It was very general.
I’m trying to have fun with her but it’s so hard because she’ll always take it too far. Last night, I got out the photo album of her birth and we looked through it but then she started getting over excited and jumping on me, trying to tear at the pages etc…
When we get home from school, it’s the three of us until 6 or 6.30pm, but I’d like to try and enjoy them both rather than just putting the TV on whilst I cook….ideas? Board games end in tears as she cheats at them all!