Mummy received redundancy notice from DS 22mo

[patagonia09]

Or so it feels. He exclusively wants Daddy, or preferably Grandma. For everything. I could vanish off face of the earth right now and I don't think he'd notice, let alone care. We were very close before now, and there were regular (tiring) stages where he wouldn't let me out of his sight for an instant. I'm telling myself it's just a phase but it's really disheartening. Anyone else had this? Is there a timeframe I can expect it to last? It's been a couple of months already.
Last night was the worst when I was trying to put him to bed and he was crying inconsolably, sobbing, blotchy red face, snotty nose, hysteria, calling out for "Grammmaa!" and there was nothing at all I could do to calm him down.

It's a phase & will pass. We've had this on & off for months, with both of us & when he doesn't like either of us, he wants Nana (& he only sees her once a week, if that!) they're smart, want to feel in control & are adept at pressing our buttons. Seriously, mine must be brightly labelled in a colour only he can see!
I think it's all about them learning to be themselves; independent little people. Try & think of it being a demonstration they're learning something cos rest assured they'll always need you (or try & find the P&G advert about mums & it'll make ou bulb about you're precious place in thir world)

How often does he see Grandma? and does she spoil him / not stick to house 'rules'?

Can you spend some more time one on one with him doing something 'fun' out of the house just you and him or is there another sibling around?

Yup my 20 month old is similar. I am WOHM & DH is SAHD. DS went through a phase of only settling for DH; only wanting DH around for EVERYTHING. We have got through it (this time!) by me doing the entire nighttime routine - bath, milk, story, bed. Every night except Saturday, when I've spent the day with him anyway.

It gave us a specific special time that was all ours.

It also seemed, to this over sensitive mum, that when DH & I were both there, I was doing more of the 'don't throw your food' 'draw in the book not on the sofa' mean things; whereas DH always seemed to end up getting DS a lovely yoghurt, or something fun. It was probably not the case, but we made sure that while the phase lasted I did more of the lovely things and DH stopped him pulling the cat's tail etc!

Good luck. It will pass.

yep, DH is great with him and does a lot of the childcare but I definitely feel that mummy is officially the boring, bossy, mean one. Last night was a bit better - he woke himself up in the night coughing and then cried for a few minutes. As he drifted back to sleep I heard the distinct murmur of "mummy". Melted by heart.
He sees grandma every couple of weeks and she does bribe him with chocolate whenever she thinks we're not looking (or even, right in front of my face after I've explicitly asked her not to. Grr). I think she (consciously or not) hasn't forgiven me for stealing her baby (DH) so now she's stealing mine...

Our DD (23 months) is going through a phase of thinking DH is the bees knees. She's fine when DH isn't around - but as soon as DH is home, she just wants him. I used to love reading her a bedtime story, but she only wants DH to do that now :-( She wakes up in the morning and I go to get her out her cot and get told to go away - as she wants DH to get her out. I can't wait for this phase to pass.

I think it's quite common and will pass. My DS (now3) went through a phase of only wanting daddy at about this age. We have equal amounts of time with him as we're both part time and there was no real reason for it. I felt awful, blamed myself totally and tried really hard to keep bonding with him but it didn't seem to make much difference. My DH did try to encourage him to come to me and although I'm not sure it made a big difference at the time I think it was important that he stayed constant to me if that makes sense. Over time it passed and he now wants both of us and always says mummy and daddy are both my favourites. The other thing I was told which helped was that a child would only ever behave like this if they were confident in mummy's love. Hang on in there. It hurts but it will pass.

Sorry realised you mentioned timeframe. I've no idea really but I think ours was on and off. There were a couple of times where it was intense, maybe over 2-4 months and then off again. Definitely over by 3 and probably more like 2.5. I also realise you didn't give your child's age ( got mixed up with another post saying 20 months!) but I think ours started at about 16-20 months.

Don't know about time frame but we did have this on and off. My dd is five and she is doing it again recently. It's because she is seeing less of her dad since she started school, so if things aren't going her way for any reason it's "I waaaant my daaaadyyyy. I love my daaaaaadyyy!!"

Oh god I totally know how you're feeling. My DD is 19 mo and she used to cling to me like a limpet, I was always number one with her. To think I used to get cheesed off about not being able to be out of her sight!! About a month or do ago she suddenly wanted her Nana instead. For everything. Her Nana looks after her for some of the week and also stays with us those days so it's really tough as I get totally blanked when I get home too. I find it totally heartbreaking, and I feel huge guilt that it's because I work full time. In the last couple of weeks I've had a glimmer or two where she's come to me, but I am clutching at straws a bit!! My sister said her dd went through the same, but now at 2.5 has equal preference for mum, dad and grandma. Am not sure I can cope with a year of it but at least I feel a bit better knowing it will change again!!
So no real advice, other than maybe to try not to let it show that it bothers you. Whenever things were tough when dd was younger, it always was a phase and it did always pass. I'm sure this will be the same.
You're not alone though and I feel your pain!

All of mine went through favouring one or other parent in turn. It's hard when you're not the one in demand but it will pass. We went through a phase around 2yo when DS3 only wanted Daddy and it hurt - I was a SAHM and all he wanted was Daddy but within a few months he wanted nothing to do with daddy again. Even now if he wakes in the night he tends to call for Daddy (and he's almost 7) but during the day he's very much about mummy and wanting it to be mummy who comes up and puts his light off after reading etc.

Yes we went through this when ds was 15 months ish. Just daddy and grandma (my mil) featured in his world. I remember having to go to a wedding away, dh couldn't come as he had food poisoning so drafted grandma in. It was the first time I'd left the baby overnight and he honestly couldn't have given a monkeys. I was devastated. I couldn't ever put him to bed, he followed daddy or grandma out of the room if they left us alone together. Hideous. Lasted about 6 months. Now all very good, lots of mummy love and only I can put him to bed, kiss him when he has a bump etc. He's still mad for grandma but the novelty wears off after a day or two and he wants the normality of mummy. I found it very hard at the time and am very glad it's over. I reckon try and enjoy the break while someone else is looking after the little one, and wait for it to pass. You're the mummy and no-one else. Good luck

Thanks everyone. Seems like they all get like this at about the same age (ds is nearly two). Dh thinks there is a glimmer of mummy love re emerging, says he asks for me when I'm not there. But this might just be dh trying to cheer me up before Christmas! Ah well, will keep forcing my hugs and kisses on him until he realises I'm not optional! (And maybe bribe with Xmas presents if necessary).

AT LAST!!! Just in case anyone with the same problem ever stumbles across this thread in the distant future, wanted to let the world know that DS1 loves Mummy again! Oh yes, can't get enough of that mummyness. All day cuddles :)

I'm glad to hear mt "it's only a phase" post played out. Happy Christmas!